WEBVTT

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Well, it's that magical time of the year again,

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the time when my least favorite Christmas movie ever made

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in the history of ever is put on television on loop,

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the time that Harvard refers to as heart attack season,

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because everyone is so freaking stressed out

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by the end of the year, they can barely stand it,

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and they're just promoting that as a headline

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to let us all know that we should come to expect this.

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And it's normal to live in a world and a system and a society

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where everyone should just expect that to be the case.

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And Congress, once again, tries to murder an entire forest

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worth of trees to print off 1,500-plus page

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continuing resolution bills to shove through.

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Who knows even what to fund the government

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for just a couple more, three more months, basically,

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just three more months of funding for that government.

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Watch as hog carcasses are broken down into primal cuts.

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And Speaker Johnson, a man who was sadly born without a spine,

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apparently, very sad for him,

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had just got unsaid back in September

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that there wouldn't be a Christmas omnibus bill.

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We have broken the Christmas omnibus,

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and I have no intention of going back to that terrible tradition.

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So there won't be a Christmas omnibus.

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Somebody asked me in the hallway a little while ago,

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will there be many buses?

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We don't want any buses.

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We're not going to do any buses, okay?

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And here it is.

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And by the way, it included adjustments to congressional salaries

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to reflect the cost of living changes,

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increasing their annual salaries from $174,000

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to $243,300, giving themselves a $69,000 raise.

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What a tough vote.

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When you could just pack everything else into that bill

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and also a raise on top of it,

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you're not allowed to just vote for your own raise.

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You got to vote for it all.

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So isn't that cool how that works?

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That's so amazing how awesome that is for them.

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I am so glad that the American people voted for them

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to represent the American people.

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And then they got in there and voted for themselves

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for a nearly $70,000 annual raise.

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Let's watch the development of the ham,

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one of the first meat cuts to receive attention.

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So glad, because they're doing such an awesome job.

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They really should be just giving themselves.

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They raise equivalent to a whole salary

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for other people in this country.

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That's amazing.

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Who the hell even knows what's in there?

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They just try to shove that right through

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because they know everybody just wants to go home

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for Christmas.

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They know that's how it works.

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And they've been doing that now

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for over a hundred freaking years.

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Just want to remind everybody,

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this is how we got the Federal Reserve.

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They just waited until it was right at the end there

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and shove that thing right through.

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And the nation actually wrote about this

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on New Year's Day, 1914.

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And this really sums up what they do every year,

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but this is how we got the Federal Reserve

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and this is what they've been doing since.

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When the historian who leaves nothing out

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comes to write the full account of the passage

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of the currency bill, that's the Federal Reserve Act,

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he will not omit reference to the influence

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of the Christmas spirit.

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Congress was as eager as a small boy

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to get off for the holidays,

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and there stood the cruel resolution

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of the Democratic majority not to adjourn

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unless the bill was passed.

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This undoubtedly had the effect of hastening

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final action.

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The drawing near of the gracious Christmas tide

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seemed to calm the savage beast

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of the filibuster,

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and to still the passions of the makers of long speeches.

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It was rumored that Senator LaFollette

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would insist upon speaking for two or three days,

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so they were threatening to talk for two or three days,

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keeping people there.

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And one can imagine the apprehensive looks

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that were cast in his direction,

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but he let his music die within him.

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Even he could hardly have faced the universal rage

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that would have fallen upon him

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if he had ruined the congressional vacation

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over the holidays.

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The whole thing was a wonderful demonstration

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of what Christmas can do

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in the sphere of legislation.

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It was the old miracle over again.

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No voice or hideous hum

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runs through the arched roof.

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Puk!

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I mean, this is so obvious that it's just

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beating a dead horse, but obviously

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government is meant to be

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out in the open, examined.

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Things are to be debated.

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The pros and cons weighed

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and know as to be voted

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if things are unconstitutional,

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not good for the country.

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This is their bill.

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2,500 pages.

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If you take a look at

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$3.5 trillion price tag

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and you do the math,

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that's $1,400,000,000

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for every page

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of this bill.

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And they want to pass it this week.

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I mean,

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the whole idea of this,

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especially being timed around Christmas

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and holidays, is some kind of secret

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Santa game, like,

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ooh, it'll be a fun mystery box

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what's in our legislation.

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But this is our government here.

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The world has had several centuries

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of not millennia of secret government

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and it was pretty crappy overall.

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It was a lot of,

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you don't have a right to look behind

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our secret panel.

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The king, the priest will tell you what to do.

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That was never what the system

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of government was supposed to be,

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but they seem to have the idea that,

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well, you voted for your legislators.

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You had a chance to weigh in

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on how government's going to be run

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and now it's time to leave it to the big boys.

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Well, the mystery game isn't that big

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of a surprise.

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It's just all the worst lobbyists

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cramming their stuff into the mystery box

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and you're supposed to accept it

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as though it's some wonderful gift.

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It's just a gross blank log,

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a little fruitcake stuffed

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with all the nuts and berries

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of lobbyists and special interests

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and all the things that would never survive

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if they were debated in the light

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and the openness of day

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and everyone knew what was going on.

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Instead, they do it at the last minute

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when people want to leave for the holidays

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and when ordinary people in the country

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are not paying attention because they're focused on

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family and time off

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and traveling and things of that nature.

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The hams slide down a chute to the floor below

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where they are fed on to the automatic

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scaling line.

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It's just gross and it happens

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every year. It's a betrayal of what

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this country was supposed to be.

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I mean, our whole system's

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collapsing clearly.

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This is not the way anything should be done.

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It's a travesty. This is what they do

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with the American people's money.

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This is what they do every year.

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This is why we're in 36 trillion

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freaking dollars in debt, a number

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so astronomically high

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and cartoonish that no one can

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even imagine what that looks like

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in their brains. Your brain would liquefy

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and drip out your ears

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if you tried to, okay? It's just not possible.

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It's not possible to even

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visualize. At this point, we might as well

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just be making up terms.

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It's 36

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bajillion to billion dollars.

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Like, it doesn't even, it's not a

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it's not real, it's none of it's real

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and none of it is grounded

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in anything even remotely close

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to what anyone would call reality,

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okay? It's a clown show.

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It is a circus. It is

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insane. They do this

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every year now.

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Smoking of the cure

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81 hams is also done

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with care.

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To the point that it just looks

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like they basically just cut

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down a chunk of tree

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and went, here we go, this is what we're doing

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trillions of dollars, billions of dollars

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bajillions of dollars.

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Here it is. Go ahead and try to read it.

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Ha, ha, ha.

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And what it sounds like is happening

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instead of

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looking at that and going, oh, that's

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insane.

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It's insane that

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we have people like Nancy Pelosi saying things like

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you got to pass the bill to find out what's

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in it.

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It's going to be very, very

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exciting.

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But we have to pass the bill so that you can

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find out what is in it

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away from the fog

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of the controversy.

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Instead of that being done away with

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it sounds like what we're moving towards

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is a time where AI will just

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run through a bill and tell you

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what is in it. But then we're just moving from trusting

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Congress to do its job

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to trusting AI to tell us the truth.

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Which is

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you know, I think extremely

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questionable considering how

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it has been programmed, considering

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the things that have been said recently

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in interviews by people who are

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very high up in the tech situation

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talking about how the government

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is going to be single-handedly controlling

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artificial intelligence

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or wants to.

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We had meetings in D.C. in May where we

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talked to them about this and the meetings

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were absolutely horrifying and we came out

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basically deciding we had to endorse Trump.

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What did you hear in those meetings?

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AI is a technology basically that the government is going to

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completely control. This is not going to be a start-up

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thing. They actually said flat out to us

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don't do AI start-ups, like don't

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fund AI start-ups. It's not

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something that we're going to allow to happen.

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They're not going to be allowed to exist. There's no point.

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They basically said AI is going to be a game

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of two or three big companies working closely

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with the government and we're going to basically

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wrap them in a, you know, I'm paraphrasing

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but we're going to basically wrap them in a government cocoon.

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We're going to protect them from competition.

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We're going to control them and we're

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going to dictate what they do.

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Look, I like Grok just fine.

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Open AI, not so much at all.

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But that's not the point.

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We shouldn't be delegating

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the job that we

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voted on people to go do

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that they are doing so

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absolutely abysmally. You could

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not fail harder than these people. They're not

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going to sit there and read 1500 pages

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by Friday.

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And it's not to say that AI couldn't help

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analyze that. It's to say that why are we

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making bills that are so

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massively long, just shoving everything

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in there, hiding it from everybody. I mean

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stuff is coming out as I'm trying to edit

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this, right? It just came out that

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somewhere buried in this bill, we're funding

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a dozen

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biolabs to conduct

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biomedical research.

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Because we all know that went super well in the last

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four years, didn't it? You know, any

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other situation these people

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were in, not doing their job

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voting to give themselves a raise

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and then not doing their job

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that they were voted for,

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they would be fired in any other

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place they possibly worked, failing this

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hard. They would be fired.

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It's insane. This is

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insane. It can't continue.

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It cannot continue. The weight

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of the insanity

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will implode the thing.

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It's not possible, you know?

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The blended

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ingredients are now vacuum mixed.

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It is next

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transported to the emulsifier

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hopper.

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The ingredients are

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completely emulsified.

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I don't know that we're moving towards

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a better idea with that, but

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the precedent is being set right now

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because this cannot continue the way it is

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at all. Here's what the finished product

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looks like inside.

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The real test of quality.

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This was never the intention

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of anything. This is insane and stupid.

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The Hill has an article

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that tells you little bit of highlights

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of what is in this bill.

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Billions more dollars to FEMA

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so they can, I don't know,

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do

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continue to be the joke

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they have been as a

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federal emergency management agency

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because as we all know they did so well

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this year with Hurricane Helene

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that we definitely need to just give them

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even more billions of dollars to reward

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that stupidity

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with more trust

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that those funds will be allocated appropriately

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in the next few months.

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It's just, you know

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Back to the pork cut

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the story of bacon.

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It's so stupid.

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It's gotten so dumb.

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There's not even a way to intelligently

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I feel

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narrate for you what is happening.

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Pork shoulder

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and ham meat are taken

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from this picnic boning line

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and used for the manufacture of spam.

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It's basically like

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waking up in idiocracy

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this is how the government is run

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and once again I'm going to let Thomas

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Massey take it out because

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he said this was exactly what was going to happen

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back in September. He gave a whole speech

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this is exactly what's going to happen

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is he a swami? Does he have a crystal ball?

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No. The reason Thomas Massey knows

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this is what's going to happen is because he's been sitting there for 12 years

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watching it happen

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talking against it for over a decade

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and they just keep doing it.

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So he's not psychic

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he's just been around for a while

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we've all just been around for a while

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and we're getting pretty freaking sick of it.

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I also predicted this would fall

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right before Christmas

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and I believe this

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this does fall on December 20th

13:31.300 --> 13:32.220
now why have we

13:32.220 --> 13:33.980
picked December 20th

13:34.600 --> 13:36.100
because it's the same

13:36.100 --> 13:37.860
reason we always

13:37.860 --> 13:39.920
have December 20th

13:39.920 --> 13:41.320
everybody up here is human

13:42.060 --> 13:43.820
there are no AAIs

13:43.820 --> 13:45.540
or robots in Congress

13:45.540 --> 13:48.220
and when you get to December 20th

13:48.220 --> 13:49.540
you're five days from Christmas

13:50.240 --> 13:52.140
you're four days from Christmas Eve

13:52.140 --> 13:54.060
and you desperately want to be there

13:54.060 --> 13:54.740
with your family

13:55.380 --> 13:56.660
so this is when

13:56.660 --> 14:00.040
the leadership here has the maximum influence

14:00.040 --> 14:01.980
and again I'm talking to the Democrats

14:01.980 --> 14:03.640
and the Republicans because

14:03.640 --> 14:06.180
you've seen it on the Democrat side of the aisle

14:06.180 --> 14:07.720
they love to pick

14:07.720 --> 14:09.360
the week before Christmas

14:09.360 --> 14:10.920
for this showdown

14:11.400 --> 14:13.880
because you can smell the jet fuel

14:13.880 --> 14:15.700
fumes over at DCA

14:15.700 --> 14:17.480
it smells like Christmas

14:17.480 --> 14:19.340
that you're going to get to go home

14:19.340 --> 14:21.740
in open presence. I've been in HC5

14:21.740 --> 14:23.920
when literally the speaker of the house

14:23.920 --> 14:25.140
not the speaker we have now

14:25.720 --> 14:26.660
walks in and says

14:26.660 --> 14:29.020
if you vote for this you can go home

14:29.020 --> 14:30.900
and unwrap presents with your kids

14:30.900 --> 14:32.260
and if you don't vote for this

14:32.260 --> 14:34.480
you're going to spend Christmas here with Nancy Pelosi

14:35.060 --> 14:36.540
and then the chance starts

14:37.020 --> 14:39.180
vote, vote, vote, vote

14:39.700 --> 14:40.800
literally people get

14:40.800 --> 14:42.760
enthusiastic to vote for something

14:42.760 --> 14:43.760
that they haven't read

14:44.320 --> 14:46.540
so let me predict what we're not going to do

14:46.540 --> 14:48.280
on December 20th

14:48.280 --> 14:50.340
before I take a guess at what we're going to do

14:50.340 --> 14:51.740
what we're not going to do

14:51.740 --> 14:53.640
we're not going to do 12 separate bills

14:53.640 --> 14:55.860
we are not going to spend this time

14:56.380 --> 14:58.000
we've got a few months

14:58.000 --> 14:59.660
between now and December 20th

14:59.660 --> 15:02.420
we could go back to working on appropriations bills

15:02.420 --> 15:04.760
we are not going to do this

15:04.760 --> 15:05.940
this sucker

15:05.940 --> 15:08.060
whatever happens on December 20th

15:08.060 --> 15:09.660
whether it's another CR to punt

15:09.660 --> 15:11.840
to kick the can down the road

15:11.840 --> 15:14.340
for three more months or whether it's an omnibus

15:14.340 --> 15:15.640
that funds all of government

15:15.640 --> 15:17.080
with one bill

15:17.080 --> 15:19.740
it's going to be written behind closed doors

15:20.280 --> 15:22.380
and every lobbyist

15:22.380 --> 15:23.460
in this town

15:23.460 --> 15:25.580
is going to try to attach

15:25.580 --> 15:27.800
their little thing to this bill

15:28.620 --> 15:30.320
The Wieners are next discharged

15:30.320 --> 15:32.680
onto a much wider conveyor belt

15:32.680 --> 15:34.460
for even distribution

15:34.460 --> 15:36.720
to four high speed take away

15:36.720 --> 15:37.160
belts

15:42.560 --> 15:45.080
this train is leaving the station

15:45.080 --> 15:46.660
on December 20th

15:46.660 --> 15:48.220
it's the only one that we know

15:48.660 --> 15:49.980
is going to pass

15:49.980 --> 15:51.740
they call it up here must pass

15:51.740 --> 15:52.820
legislation

15:52.820 --> 15:56.240
so everybody's going to try and get their little thing

15:56.620 --> 15:57.540
on this bill

15:57.540 --> 15:59.700
whatever it is on December 20th

15:59.700 --> 16:01.740
whether it's another continuing resolution

16:01.740 --> 16:03.080
or another omnibus

16:03.660 --> 16:04.440
it's so

16:04.440 --> 16:07.120
it's not even really a prediction that I'm making

16:07.120 --> 16:09.740
I'm just telling you what has happened for 12 years

16:09.740 --> 16:12.120
regardless of whether Democrats are in charge

16:12.120 --> 16:13.420
or Republicans are in charge

16:13.420 --> 16:15.040
there may be a little twist

16:15.040 --> 16:17.260
we may do half of a CR

16:18.400 --> 16:19.700
it'll be a whole CR

16:19.700 --> 16:21.760
and half of it will end in February

16:21.760 --> 16:23.560
and half of it will end in April

16:23.560 --> 16:25.740
and they'll convince you they got something more clever

16:25.740 --> 16:27.900
this year than they had last year

16:27.900 --> 16:29.900
but it's going to be the same old thing

16:29.900 --> 16:31.040
warmed over

16:32.020 --> 16:33.640
written behind closed doors

16:33.640 --> 16:35.740
rolled out here we're not going to have time

16:35.740 --> 16:36.680
to read this thing

16:36.680 --> 16:38.300
that's also predictable

16:38.880 --> 16:40.140
and we're going to be told

16:40.140 --> 16:42.620
vote for this and you can go home

16:42.620 --> 16:44.280
and open presence with your kids

16:44.820 --> 16:47.320
don't vote for it and you're going to be stuck here

16:47.900 --> 16:49.020
and there will be people

16:49.020 --> 16:51.120
it pulls at heart strings

16:51.120 --> 16:51.980
we are humans

16:52.700 --> 16:54.980
and that's why I think it's really

16:55.940 --> 16:56.460
disingenuous

16:56.460 --> 16:58.460
or despicable

16:59.000 --> 17:00.000
really to pick

17:00.000 --> 17:01.900
four days before Christmas Eve

17:01.900 --> 17:03.180
to put this bill on the floor

17:03.880 --> 17:05.780
the bill I'm talking about obviously

17:06.480 --> 17:08.220
nobody here knows what it is

17:08.220 --> 17:08.640
yet

17:10.140 --> 17:12.340
and we're not going to have time to read it

17:12.340 --> 17:14.280
but people are going to be inclined to vote for it

17:14.280 --> 17:15.780
because they just want to be with their family

17:15.780 --> 17:17.540
and it's getting extremely

17:18.320 --> 17:19.480
hard to watch

17:19.480 --> 17:21.280
and even harder to stomach

17:22.420 --> 17:23.320
Merry Christmas

17:23.320 --> 17:24.420
Merry Christmas