Hello and welcome to Beth of fresh air Beth here Beth Martins if we're just meeting for some reason and
There's a chunky start to the show. Oh my goodness. I have to work on this you guys. Oh
Well, and they I don't know if you were hearing it, but the music it was like it was doubled
So that was weird. I'm gonna have to look into that. It didn't have quite so many beats in that song
let's say that is a song from my
Which one is that yes from my first album under the name Vijaya living knowledge and you can go and catch that on
Spotify or iTunes and I have them for sale if you're not using those platforms, which I totally get and
So welcome to the show. It is November 14
2025 it's my birthday in a couple of days. So that's kind of I don't know this this year
I'm deciding to do mostly nothing about it
the reason being that
It can be a little bit of a oh
excuse to go and eat cake
I know a couple years ago. Was it a couple or more years ago? Maybe three even I
I'm like, okay, you know, I've been on a straight and narrow path
with my diet and I've been like really good and
And then I ate so much cake
And then I nearly died death by cake
anyway, we are live on
Facebook those videos disappear from Facebook now, but regardless we're live there now
We're live on YouTube and
Thank You Michelle. I appreciate that very much and hello to you. I won't take a chance at
Saying your name, but you could give us some phonetics and hi
How are you if you're new to the channel? Definitely?
Give it a sub welcome everyone. I'm glad you are here also live to X rumble and vigilante TV
All of these get uploaded as podcasts after the fact
So if you can't catch the whole thing and you want to go back then it's always there for you
So welcome. I'm gonna be talking today
about
the on the theme of
Remember we did have remember and stay here in Canada November 11 11 11 and
we
You know, it's one of those strange holidays that's always, you know, honestly
I have to use a bad word to describe the effect of of our
Statutory holidays on my on my consciousness. It's a little bit like time changes the same kind of effect that it's a
And I'll swear very much in my in my podcast, but it is a mind fuck
because why remember and stay is a sign of a very
You know
Gory awful situation in war we can easily romanticize war and say how
You know, they were fighting for our freedom and
Fighting for our freedom
You know that this is it was a noble pursuit
But when you really see the engineering behind it and how no war should have been created in the first place then it becomes a kind of
Very weird thing and and of course you don't want to dismiss
the
brave heroic acts of individuals that really did believe they were fighting for something for a cause
and
then
So, you know, I'm not I'm not diminishing that in any way, but to have us
Be in this it's a to me. It's a form of trauma-based mind control
And this leads very much into the theme for today. Why do we have that as an
Instituted holiday that holiday whatever that means or you know, like nobody can work on that day
Although that's out the window. We like many stores still open. I think on remember and stay or is it legal?
I have no idea. I can't remember
So, you know, it's one of those that it's really hard to land in and and then the repetition the year after year after year
of
Causing us to remember the violence that
Our ancestors pass through
And are still, you know, some people would say that we're actually fifth generation war
That that those wars never never ended. They've just been morphing and changing as we
As we go along. So why are we tasked to remember?
War they will say that that surface meaning is that so we don't repeat history
But here we see in reality. The history is
Continuously being repeated
So that's how trauma-based mind control works when you keep exposing people to
The atrocities
Of war then that continues. I always I always thought how when they set off fireworks
At our canada day or any other, you know, victoria day, whatever
holidays those things come up in and and how
They're they're preparing us or they are keeping in our senses the sounds of war
That's what it always sounds like to me that there's a war
Zone over there going off and it's it's I mean, I imagine it sounds the same. I can't confirm that
And yeah war continued with the lies of history and the poisoning of the food and the air exactly
Yeah, it's a different kind of war
I was recently visiting with my sister who
I went out with a little bit for my birthday. She gave me a beautiful gift
and
I was able to
Start saying things to her that
I hadn't talked about before and and one of the things was that, you know, we're we're at war and I was watching her
Take it in and and metabolize it and and she's she's one of these people
You might recognize this in yourself who has an or not who has the ability to expand
their awareness to include someone else's perspective
And this is a very profound form of you could call it remembering if I just keep with the theme that we're on today
That that's uh, you know, it's a kind of vicarious remembering
So instead of just saying oh beth you sound like a lunatic and a conspiracy theorist and and all of that kind of thing
She instead she expanded her awareness to include my reality not not that she took on that reality
But but uh, you know and and she's talking about the enneagram and it's a nine space now
I'm not versed in the enneagram. I I love archetypes. I created my own system
Of typing. I'm gonna get her to do my quiz and see where it comes up
But um, it's it's a gift, right? She's nearly the only one or the only one in my family
Who could maintain a relationship with me? Everyone else went into such severe cognitive dissonance in our
Inter perspectives couldn't include my perspective
I could to to some degree include theirs. I understand right when someone yells at you and creates that trauma-based mind control
Message that you're going to die
Then the tendency is that they want to preserve life, right? And this is a
A normal thing. This is a a natural thing. This is a beautiful thing a kind of an installation
That we don't we don't consciously run towards death. We unconsciously run
Towards death, but uh, so anyway, that was a kind of a beautiful thing
And uh, I've been taken in the work of Joel Schaefer quite a bit lately
I bet you've seen his name go around. He's been interviewed by everybody
by alexac and by alpha vatic and by
um, Steve falconer it was by the time I got to the one with c falconer that I started to
really lean in and um, so I'm going to talk a little bit about
shamanic traditions. This was something that
um, Joel has reminded me about something that you know, it's often the case where
For me that you know going through life in a certain sort of way of seeing in a philosophy and
a way of being in a an idea about what the truth is
And then you come across new information new knowledge a new pathway
Or something causes you to get off the old pathway
And you go and you go forward the tendency is to think that you left
That behind that it's not being remembered
For your present state of consciousness
And it's almost never the case. So personally I am uh, fascinated watching how
Life threads together. It's not a straight line. It is
Uh, you know, people talk about the the toroid. I I talk about a spiral
That could be the same thing. I don't know. I haven't taken the time to really
Try to marry those paradigms, but it's it's not linear
Right, you know, we often know what it's not
In and not what it is
definitively to be able to make claims
But um, yeah, the shamanic traditions were fascinating. I in in my university days. I studied anthropology
I did a directed studies in my honors degree
And uh and got the gold medal in in anthropology
Not specifically for this work, but it was part of it
In the transformation of consciousness through shamanic initiation in particular
And shamanic initiation
Is a violence
That you know, if I'm coming now now providing my
Editorialized version of what I see there that it often involved sending a
Like say, you know, the classic example is sending the young boy
Away from the care of the mother
Throwing them into the forest
And to see overnight to see if they would survive
And this was the test of this transition from boyhood into manhood
the the
Depending less on the care and nurturance
Of the feminine and getting hurled into the world of the masculine of survival of
resourcefulness of that warrior spirit
That will do whatever it takes to
You know overcome and have a uh
Um
Ability to not just be that mama's boy now not personally. I think it works the other way around
I only have
One experience to draw and I only had one child. So I can't I can't say again making huge claims and uh, hello
Maya by the way, nice to see you and uh, yeah, good to see everybody here Michelle exactly
so
in the um
In my experience, I'll just start with that
I had as a young mum. I had the instinct to do everything possible
To meet the needs of my son
That I wasn't perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I couldn't you know being
In the situation that I was uh, a single parent that it's actually impossible to meet every single need
But I I tried hard. I I took it on like a marathon
And I gave my all and in two years I broke my back. It wasn't permanent
it came back online, but
There was this I just had this thing that if I
gave everything to
This child that that would be a gift
I just instinctually knew that
And I was around adults that would tell me oh put that baby down
You're turning them into a dependent
You're making them soft and that's they're going to be a mama's boy
And you know, you're ruining them by always holding them always coddling them always nursing
them
I remember when my son I taught my son the word nurse
This was maybe not as good an idea because uh, he picked up on that word pretty good
And so he could ask me uh to nurse and and uh, and then he would do it
Sometimes in public or it would be oh like this isn't the exact right moment
And for sure we're coming and then he'd go like mama nurse
Like okay. Okay. Yeah coming. We're coming. You could be like nurse
Like they're saying it really loud. It was so cute total aside there
This is uh, just some memories indulging myself in and hello ducks. Why?
Nice to see you. Welcome here
So the effect the overall net result now nearly 19 years after my uh, I spent those
Years really like just showing up for him and I'm still I'm still that kind of mama
I was still show up for my son and if he needs something
I'm going to do my best to provide that and be there for him now
What has been the net result is that he's grown incredibly independent
massively independent
And that started really early on that that because he had a couple of
Solid years and the early years he was he his his needs were attended to when he cried
I responded, you know, and that's unlike the the um early childhood
style of
Did you know disattachment parenting where they slept in their own room from infancy even though the parents
Would be together in their own bedroom and then somehow this infant had to find their own way
You know, like I'm going to swear again. Fuck off with that that that that is a cruelty. That is a kind of
Trauma that's being enacted in in the very earliest years where it matters the most
Where it leaves the deepest impressions the deepest memories
that that
You know, the memories won't be verbal and and part of language because it's pre-verbal
That makes them even more powerful when they have no words for the experiences of being abandoned
You know, there can be a betrayal in in that
Abandonment and betrayal being two sides of the same coin in the child's archetype
That they don't
Matter they don't even exist
That they're, you know, not lovable
That they have to somehow achieve love
to in order to
Garner the attention that they need and therefore the survival
They learn that survival is scarce
And it's something that you have to always work for and you have to always be on top of
Trying to you know force the people to
Take care of you and notice you
Right that the child can't reason that oh, I've been left in this
Space alone and they will come back the child doesn't know that
The child doesn't have
The faculties the development and and the fully developed brain to remember. Oh, yeah
You know, mum always comes in the morning or whatever
Kind of thing that they won't they won't actually
Die, but they feel like they're going to die and that's when most of the programming
Gets installed in our consciousness
It's not the end of it by any stretch of the imagination, but I think the toughest most intense
Kind of programming never mind birth, you know the birth traumas. That's that's a whole other level of exactly the same thing
And so this net result of having a very independent son has been amazing for me to witness
And
Personally, I think that having met met his needs to a great extent left him with that memory that his needs could get met
Right if we have a memory that our needs can't get met
Then we perpetuate that we move that into the future
We manifest circumstances that are going to continue to show up in that pattern of scarcity
Compared to the pattern of like, oh, hey, you know, I I exist. I matter. I'm important
These all sound like the high sides of
Programs by the way, but you know like that and and that and that's not even the conclusion
I think that's that would be a bad
Claim on my part that it just moves you up into the high side of the programming. That's not the case
I know that's a little esoteric off the deep end if you haven't done my work
You might not make sense of that at this point, but but it's having having your needs met actually makes you more secure
It makes you more independent
It makes you
Want to take care of yourself. That's what I noticed with my son that he
Because I always said, you know, I will I will take care of you and I will tell you what to do until I see you
Taking care of yourself and telling yourself what to do
And I don't even think I ever ever said that out loud to him
But it was a kind of unwritten code between us
And so he's systematically picking up on all of his needs now including financially
He has a full-time job and he's being extremely responsible to it, right? I haven't had to
Call him in the morning and wake him up or help him get there or he's taking care of all of his own meals
I could easily be showing up with all the lunches and stuff like that
But he's just taking care of himself
And I have seen children raised in the other style
And this is not for the sake of judging and calling out and making people feel bad and guilty and wrong
That's never ever going to inspire anybody to grow but nonetheless as an experiment watching
Kids that were you know made to be independent kids that were sent to the corner to
You know out we talked about that in the episode on belong how they were pushed out of the tribe
Temporarily that the parents know but the the little one doesn't know that they don't have the memory
They don't have that ability. They have nothing to go on like we do
And um and then the net result there was a great deal of insecurity and a lot of
Say bedwetting right my my son literally never once went the bed ever
and
I'm not taking credit for this this
He's his own soul and god knows if he was raised differently. Maybe he would have turned out the same anyway
I don't really have any way to say that
But I can see you know that massive insecurity that when the needs aren't met
And the programming gets installed to such a great extent then they spend the whole life grasping
at love at survival at you know basic control over their life
Which is the the roots of of our programming
and so
I was talking about the shamanic traditions
I probably won't be able to thread this together super. Maybe I just wanted to brag about how independent my son is
um and his and then and then meeting his needs and
Anyway, so while I'm going to jump back into the shamanic traditions
I was inspired by joel watching watching this you know full circle because I did start off in my spiritual pursuits
Trying to marry the academic and the spiritual together
in in this you know university setting trying to study these shamanic traditions
and
The initiation so this is this is how I came about it that the initiation from
The classic one from the boy to the man where they they have some form of trauma
Enacted on on the boy child and don't even get me started about circumcision. I don't want to I don't want to go there that that's like kind of a
Anyway, we won't go there because it's just so sick when I think about it. I can't I can't uh, I can't stomach it
but but that you know creates
what we would have described to be the
graduation into manhood that this was like a gain of some kind
But but in reality my guess is that it is a you know, it's a cut and it is a
um, maybe something that has left
our men
in that
More compromised kind of a state and a and a and a numb state and a desensitized state and having
Been forced to go through so much pain of of loss long before they could cope with it or had any
ability to reason
and um, and so I had some
Academic experiences around shamanism, you know, like just learning about it and and all of this and it was fascinating and
And then I went to in after I graduated university. I went to Nepal and I was living there
And there is a strong shamanic tradition in in Nepalese shamans
So I found a shaman to study with
for about five minutes and uh, so, you know, we had a couple of sessions and I learned some
Mantras to repeat and meditate on
And then I started having crazy nightmares like it just set off all kinds of
Weird stuff in my system and I you know, it was already overseas and it was a little bit
Uh, I was off in in the wild for the first time ever in this
In this strange country living with families not as a tourist
But like getting the full immersion kind of an experience and I thought you know what no, let's let's just not go there
so I I cut that pretty short and
And and left it behind because in that very same trip
I was I was uh to end up in India
Where it was, you know, not the shamanic tradition. That was more the Vedic tradition of meditation and yoga and asceticism
and mantra and philosophy
And and all of the more inward turning kind of esoteric arts
Not the messiness of the shamanic tradition. So this appealed to me more
than than this other
Kind of way of of approaching spirituality
One of the key things that I came across in in studying the shamanic tradition was around
And this is why it came up in this episode of remembering
Is dismemberment
And so the basic premise being that any disease or any state of
unrest or suffering
in the body heart or mind
Was is a result of this
dismembering
and and so
then the
shamanic healing added up to
the
um
You know in some cases it works both ways that the dismemberment would be
The tool or the technique used to you know to dismantle and take apart the being again back to shamanic initiation
You would die inside
You would like who am I am I going to live?
Uh, does anybody care about me? How am I going to make my way?
How am I going to live through this night and it causes this internal
dismemberment and coming apart of in that case in that example I was using the the boy child
And and so it fractures consciousness
It it it goes in you could say many directions that might be just metaphorical as a way to describe it
but this dismemberment is what led to the
Ability say say the in particular shamanic initiation being initiated into and as a shaman
Then this dismemberment would be the the foundation for that
And so there is you know one philosophy that says that from death comes life
And so it's through the dismemberment through coming apart
And and you know not knowing who you are and being all discombobulated
and uh having no sense clear sense of reality or sure sureness in yourself
Then this dismembering creates the
template for something completely new to come together to remember
Potentially in a conscious way rather than an unconscious way that might have created the state of disease or and suffering
So dismemberment is a very common thing you can go back and see
images of people that were
You know losing their limbs
and
You know these images depicted this dismemberment
and
You know one thing also from the therapeutic world when I was studying with gabbar mate in a in a workshop
He was talking about the way that people
When they're going through therapy that have been through really severe traumas severe losses, you know intense
experiences then they are
And and if they are instructed to draw a picture of themselves
They often draw it
Where their hands or and their feet are not connected to their body giving more evidence
in that pictorial way of this this state of dismemberment
That it's just the first step right like that
That that's just the first step and then our society doesn't have a way to
help them
Remember because in my experience therapy really doesn't do that at all
So
Yeah, the shamanic traditions are very interesting
So joll has reignited joll schaefer shout out to him has reignited my interest in shamanism because
He has come to a lot of the same truths that I have
From a completely different perspective one that I had I even thought I had rejected
And and here he is coming to the same
Conclusion so I'm super excited. It won't be until December 11. I believe that I'm hosting him
I'm also going to be on his channel in December as well on the 15th. So that'll be a fun
Very fun exchange. I'm really looking forward to that. I really like seeing through his eyes
um
so
Let's see where we want to go with this so
Just another aspect of
of memory
Maybe I will jump to
The work of george carrey if you guys are familiar with the zodiac and the salts of salvation book
That is a very profound work
that I have
uh
read and spent a little time with the thing that always
Impresses me about that and what has that has to do with our memories
And uh, yes, joll has had some great interviews lately. Absolutely
He's on a roll like crazy
and so george carrey in this book writes about the brain and the different parts of the brain that
coincide or or relate to different signs on the zodiac
And and then so just this little tidbit and I always hold on to this and if you've studied with me
You've probably heard me talk about it
But that the brain is is named after
The root seri like cerebellum cerebrum or those two parts of the brain anyway
And the word seri means seed
And the meaning of seed
Is wax like substance?
And so wax you might notice that if you take a hot knife
And you press it into wax it makes an impression the shape of the knife
And so it that's that's that just gave me that opened up this huge window of
Of revelation into the nature of the brain
And the nature of our memories which I find fascinating
Right to to just notice how
When somebody says something to me
There can be times where I'm not paying enough attention
To have heard all of their words
But nonetheless their words made an impression in my
Seed and wax like substance brain
And I can still access it. I can go back to the record
And and god knows whether the record how accurate the record is because it's obviously going through filters
But it will still be there now just for a little bit of time
I play this game with codes every time an app tells me to
Get a code so that I can enter my own app even though I just used the password
And and then I'll I'll glance at the number enough to make an impression in my
In my brain and and then I'll go back and I'll I'll do the number and it'll still be there
It'll it'll be there for like, you know seconds not not
Usually even a minute if I if I didn't write that number down for a minute
Then I wouldn't be able to remember it, but it's there in the meantime
So some of our memories end up
Really enduring and and which member which memories end up enduring. Can you guys guess?
Which ones we remember the the best?
Or the most intensely
Is it the good memories or the bad memories?
It doesn't mean we don't remember the good, but if you're guessing it's the bad memories. Yes
Those are the ones that are more easily remembered
So I was going to get you guys to just even play along with me
And you know think about your first five years of life
Some people don't have a lot of memory from that time
But some people do yet exactly Michelle the bad memories really stick out exactly
And if you consider the first five of your life years of your life, what are the
Yep, you got it. Maya. What are the
Memories that stick out for you? Are there a handful of memories? Were they good ones?
So I will I will go first and and how it made you feel exactly. Maya. That's
That's it. That's the that's this you could say
that is
Now
Is it part of the memory or is it an add-on to the memory? Is it a link to the memory the way that
emotions
I'm going to talk about this kind of
I call it sausage link
to
the memory
And and one memory often begets another memory and they link up and they have this, you know at the level of your
emotions a lot of content in these sausage links
For lack of a better metaphor
And so yeah, these bad memories
really stick out for us
and
What I've noticed is that
These
traumas
you know when I think about the
One of my earliest childhood memories. I might have been
I don't know. I might have been two or something like that and our family used to go to a place called opapas cow
Oh, there's another memory. I just said they're going to start flooding in for you and for me
So yeah considering for yourself. What what comes to the surface?
Is there a top three or five memories from those earliest days of yours?
And so yeah, we used to camp at a
At a place called opapas cow. I believe it's in
Alberta or something like that
Should look it up and and go there and my first memory maybe at the age of two
We were on the beach and all of a sudden my mom
grabs me picks me up and starts running for the lake and I'm like going
What is going on here? This is like, you know, what's happening to me?
I'm just being
Against my will and being picked up and and running and then I get dunked in the cold water
Well, it turned out I had you know made a mess in my pants and then so my mom treated it like an emergency
I wouldn't want it. I wouldn't want to be the rest of the people on the beach
because she ran for the lake to
Give me a wash but uh and I was so mad at her on the way back out of the water
She she had to firemen carry me, you know over the shoulder kind of thing and I was pounding and kicking and beating at her
and I was so angry about what she had done to me and that just really stayed in my consciousness, you know, and
Did it stay in my consciousness because of that really heightened emotion that injury to my to my
pride to to my free will and
You know, so it was that was such a big deal and this is this is one of the things that I always try to do also with
The little ones is to never diminish their experience because that that was always the way they did it to us that
Like oh, what are you crying about or worse?
I will give you something to cry about because from their adult
Rational perspective with a fully developed brain. They knew nothing really wrong was happening to me
They weren't abusing me. They weren't trying to kill me. They're actually trying to help me
and
But there was no
Empathy of any kind
For this what that experience just created in in my system. I was I was taught to like, you know, shut up
and and
Suck it up and that, you know, there's nothing wrong
Kind of thing. Um, yeah, some really positive memories with your father at four to six Mike is saying
Uh
Exploring and collecting rocks that you would organize and name later. That's nice. So you have a nice memory. That's awesome. I'm sure I have those two
and
Yeah, that's beautiful
Michelle you said having to use an outhouse with no indoor bathroom when you were too terrifying exactly exactly. Yeah, hilarious in
retrospect
That's funny, but from that two-year-old place terror is real, right?
My sister had a
fear of
I believe it was
snakes and
She was six years younger than me. So I have a really good memory of this
that
I believe it was an earthworm managed to make its way into the house because my parents were avid gardeners
So was my grandma
And so this earthworm
Darn it. What did they do? They flushed it down the toilet. Why? I don't know
She's just throw the critter outside, but they flushed it down the toilet. Maybe it was dead or something
And then from that moment on my younger sister decided she was not ever going to use that toilet
Again, it was over for her if there's snakes in that toilet. She ain't putting her butt there kind of thing
and yeah, so yeah, that that stuff is real it's it's
I really encourage people to have empathy and not laugh at children at their
At their terrors at their
Misunderstandings that they're you know thinking that a a worm is a snake kind of thing to to have empathy for that
And just trying to try to remember what was it like when you couldn't reason when you couldn't make logic out of any
situation
Gives you a lot more compassion for
For those little guys. So yeah, that was one of the things I went out of my way to do with my son was never to
Chat like if he got hurt, it would be okay. You're hurt to have empathy to go. Yeah, okay. Oh Liam's suffering
Darn, you know
Rather than go, you're okay. You're okay. Stop crying. You're okay. Here. Let me kiss it away. Let me hug it away. Let me
Spank him no
But that's that's more or less how
people were raised on the whole
And what's the net result? You can see is is looking around
So that's interesting elliott. Thanks for chiming in that pain is necessary for growth. It is actually true
I I I totally agree with that
but is there
is there
Pain that can be avoided
And and is there pain that can't be avoided?
Is there necessary pain?
That is just a matter of growth
That is just a matter of expansion, right when we when we dismember to a certain
Kind of reality in order to step into a new reality. It's painful. That's not fun. That's not a good time
But it is necessary in order to to get to that next place
but
to actively create
painful situations for children
As somehow aiding their growth to me. That's where it's really off and it's not necessary by any
stretch of the imagination
Yeah, it can seem it can seem like that because that's how we're all raised
Right. So yeah, I always look at the difference between the pain of injury and the pain of growth
Those are both pains and both intense
but the pain of injury
Is not necessary if that injury could have been avoided
The pain of growth, you don't want to avoid that. That's our whole purpose to be here is to learn and to grow
and
Yeah, so pain is you could say Elliott James
You could say that pain is it is it is an ingredient
We have it. We live in a death cult
We're you know born and raised into death cults
That are are full of unnecessary pain
But I have a suspicion that we would find other reasons to grow personally
Yeah, it's the same. Hi, honey D. Nice to see you. It's the same no pain or no gain kind of a situation
And yeah that insidious stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about and what's the net result of that?
What does the child do with that information?
You guys know
Right, do they do they grow?
Or
Is that a point of becoming stuck?
To me, that's a point of getting stuck. I know you guys can't answer fast enough on the chat
But uh
Right Michelle, you got it right that that is exactly the net result of of saying shut up
Or I'll give you something to cry about
Is that what do they do is they suppress their pain?
That's when you get the lump in your throat
Emotion wants to come to express
The pain which is a very healthy part the expression of the pain allowing yourself to cry to you know
to
express to to
Begin to discharge
The emotional energy so if you're not allowed to
Discharge you've been injured and you're not allowed to
Express
And discharge that emotional energy then you stuff it you you push it down
Into your body your heart your mind it becomes part of the memory of that experience
Children who are more or less
In my limited experience who are allowed to really fully go through their experiences
They're allowed to
express and
It what from my from what I saw is that they really flow through they can flow through their experiences with much less
residue
much much less energetic
Hangover from those kind of experiences and you can see it a toddler will bump up against
Something doesn't get what they want and they're they you know go into a rage or they cry and they
When nobody answers their cries they get mad and and go up the scale
But yeah that that uh that whole thing if it's not allowed
It's just what michelle's saying it leads to dissociation and numbing out
Right and so that's back to that schoenetic initiation of the boy into the man
I think that's happened to a great extent where men are much less able to access their
inner experience
And that makes it harder for them to heal from the past injuries
So yeah that uh necessary pain it's just that pain is and and we are
Inner alchemists that's part of our nature
That we're patterned with and so we do have the capacity
To turn every pain into some kind of awakening that's
Entirely the work that I do helping people to deprogram is to take the the charge of of the memory and to alchemize it
into
Really and that's a miss no more into something as if led into gold, but it's not really like that
It's it's just taking that stuck energy that gets frozen in time
Through the trauma through the suppression especially of the expression of that trauma
and that's what creates that
From it could be a lifelong pattern from then on
and uh and so
Yeah pain is going to happen, but we don't need to create
anybody's pain
That that seems to come with life right it's life is fully installed with all kinds of opportunities for pain
and uh, you know, I I never needed to add any extra to to my son's life in order to
Get him to where he is right now anyway. Hello, saint lady. Nice to see you
No worries about being late the beginning of the stream is always there
And but i'm glad you made it
That's awesome. So yeah the the charge of the memory is fascinating because
What I notice is that when when you go and discharge a memory the memory does not disappear
The impression is still there
Which is fascinating and you know, sometimes I'll be
Say especially going to sleep and doing some release work and having some memories kind of swim in my head
Could be from the day could be from you know, many years ago. It's it's it's very it's very
interesting how memories come forward into consciousness and and how does that actually
Occur sometimes there's no stimulus of any kind other times
It's like oh this happened my sister said this and and then I remembered that
So, you know can be that more linear association, but it can they can also just come out of nowhere in a way that
You know might be sir actually serving us as the as the memories come up
This is interesting just to remind myself of so
the
one of my trainers in the release work would say that your
Your imagination and your thoughts are always serving you
What's next on the menu that's going to lead to the deprogramming work and
And and and result in freedom
So sometimes people have memories that they can't suppress
Maybe they could suppress them for a long time
But they can't anymore they're coming forward
For example, I have worked with people who have been through sra satanic ritual abuse
And from what I understand the vast majority of the people that end up going through that experience. It's so intensely
Traumatic that they actually have to split. They have to completely dissociate
From the memory. They have to put the memory off
into some
Dark place in the consciousness
Where there's no light on it. There's no, you know, it's just not there. It's as if it didn't happen
to them
but it did
And the impression is still there
So they might spend, you know, a decade and two decades and even three decades
Making sure that that memory isn't known
But there might come a point in their
Spiritual evolution if you want to call it that they're moved towards freedom
Where those memories start flooding back and that's exactly what I've noticed
The one particular one person I worked with in particular who went through
The most intense horrendous experiences. I will never repeat for privacy reasons, but also not to re traumatize or not to traumatize anybody or not to even
Traumatize myself again because it is vicariously traumatizing
You know that those memories they couldn't push down anymore
And the reason for that in my estimate is because it takes such enormous amounts of energy
To suppress
You don't know you're doing it, but you're actively doing it
using your life force
That is meant for you know life
to
Push and and suppress and hold down
And then it takes a lot of energy. It takes a lot of might that energy
Otherwise might be something that you could use to heal and grow and learn and connect and all of the good things in life
But they you know, they need it to push down on the on the consciousness
So when you can't do that anymore you get exhausted or your body gets sick
Or you don't have defenses
In in the way that you maybe normally would have if circumstances aren't
Just business is usual in your life. Then those memories can flood back
They just don't they don't go away and they come with all of the charge
they come with all of the feelings the emotions and
Ultimately the programs that root those feelings in place
And it's pretty tragic because the amount of work that it takes to heal from
Those experience is really off the charts. I I bow down to anybody that even
even
Embarks upon that and I'm missing a few things in the chat here. Hello, nivad 75. Nice to see you
All right, you're a real Beth of fresh air
So fun for me when people play this
Podcast title back to me now. It's really fun saying ladies said the videos are great
You're enjoying them. Glad you caught glad to catch it live
I'm glad you're here and I'm glad you're catching the remembers
the remembers
Sorry reading the other message the recordings
And nivad said remember to stay calm and take deep breaths
There you go. We can play with that for a long time
Play on words
NED said lines main give you some crazy old memories out of the blue
You know, it was starting to work interesting. Yeah lines mean I'm not I'm not super familiar with that
Is it a little bit like motherwort that
Causes you to dream have have weird dreams
I learned that it it motherwort causes that because it's an irritant
That it's like, you know, it's stirring it up in your in your system might be the same with lines main
And uh, yeah life can life can stir up your your ship pretty good
There's no end to you know, you look out you look in you have a conversation
Do anything in life?
Try for something
You're inevitably going to stir that shit up
And uh, and it needs to be stirred up
It needs to come to the surface the memories need to come in a way
But there's also the wisdom of that you don't need to pick through all your garbage before you throw it out
There's a certain wisdom in that
Yvonne said they're nervous system and neural networks
Quarantine until it can be released exactly. It's uh, it's so intense
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Quarantine is a good a good word for that like literally quartering off
Yeah, excellent
And you believe my lines may help see regrow or reconnect brain nerves and pathways, right?
I have become systematically
suspicious of every single herb, but I haven't looked into
That one at all and not not every one is a uh a bad and wrong one
I
Just don't take it for granted now that because it's an herb or because it's found a nature that it's good for you
Uh quick aside. I was hosting mark archer in the house of free will for a part two snippet on kanan able today
So we're talking about life and death
and how
So he's reading the bible from such a different perspective. It's it's it's really interesting
and
um, you know
His take is that the bible was actually written by lucifer
We're taught is the other way around like god wrote the bible, right? So that's total blasphemy to a lot of people
and and so we're getting to see this world through lucifer's eyes who's who's
Whose creation is the reflection of the of death
That every single thing on on earth dies
Goes through this, you know, life cycle is born lives for time passes out of existence
But that the spirit never dies that the whole, you know, whether whether it's it's the divine or it's lucifer
They're both eternal because they're from an eternal source
The divine being the source or something like that god god only knows. Oh, it's a mushroom nevat. Okay interesting. Yeah mushrooms
fascinating and
And so the uh, let's see. Where was I headed with that with the cane and able and
Oh darn it's gonna
That slipped out of my mind. What were we talking about?
Going back to
I'm gonna have to open those notes with
Canaan April it in it ends up sending me in a real
um
I don't know just in circles. It's it gets it gets teleological when you really start to get down to the heart and
and soul of it
So, yeah, I'd just be repeating a bunch of stuff, but
Yeah, the illusion of death and the violation of free will and life and death
Michelle, thank you
And yeah born into this into this death cult
And it was about
the animals so
so
It was the plants that were created first here we go. I found it and the bible written by lucifer. Thank you guys. I appreciate it
um
That the plants were created first and so this is a little tongue-in-cheek
But possible that we are here for the plants
Not the other way around people think that these plants were all created for us and
You know that pomegranate really wants me to eat it. Even if this it's the snake telling me to do it
And uh, you know, is are we just doing the bidding of of the plants that were the first?
You know the first creation here
Um, also very interesting. This is total aside. I'm really off topic now, but
but that
Cain was the agrarian
You know growing the land in a more kind of horticulture agriculture
kind of style and abel was the
Animal husbandry guy and raised animals
and maybe that was included with hunting and and more
What we call primitive kind of societies that the hunters and the gatherers
and
Um, so the bible says to eat plants well if lucifer
Wrote the bible then that kind of makes sense because most of the plants are poisonous
And the the healthier
um
People tend to
Now this is purely my experience and my study and my my own practical experiment of uh the last years
But the more that I focus on
Uh animal protein muscle meat in particular with some plant material not a not a huge amount
But some
For the sake of soluble fiber
Then i'm the healthiest that I have ever been this is a very favorable
Kind of liver detoxifying lifestyle and diet
Where the the pure
Um vegetarians
tend to end up with a lot of problems in their liver
And I know the vegetarians are going to get up in arms and they're going to freak out and not not like that
But it's true and you know what happens to you emotionally and energetically when your liver
gets overloaded is that you get upset you get angry you get
Um murderous right let's that's what that's what kane
Got and and he killed abel he might have eaten abel
This like that kane and the abel and the cannibal
Because there was only the blood crying out from the earth that the flesh was not even there in the picture in the scene
At least as lucifer wrote about it
So anyway, that's where I went with all of that stuff. It didn't uh, it didn't go over that well with
with mark, but um, that's me just trying to make sense of it and and uh
Prove possibly why our food is more
Poison than it is nutrients when it comes to the
Um plant world and the herb world and everything like that
So I know it's very unpopular. I've made myself stupidly unpopular because of all of that
And uh, yeah the bible written by lucifer
if that that's fascinating that that's
A kind of brand new idea for me and it changes the picture
I really had to pull away from trying to make sense of it because it was causing me
Uh, just undo confusion and suffering and it wasn't nothing really good was going on there
But uh, but yeah, so that the memories
and
Are for example our ability to hold a grudge is
Like wow
Intense, you know that you can have something bad happen to you a long time ago
and you still
Disliked that person you still hate that person you still
um feel like they did you wrong and there maybe needs to be some kind of uh
Uh compensatory action for that and that might might be true actually
So that's not to put down the person that would necessarily hold that grudge
But the old adage is that who is that hurting you're taking poison and expecting someone else to die
Right, so if every day of your life you're mad at your mom for uh picking you up and and uh washing your butt in the lake
Then who is that hurting it's not hers. He's not even here anymore. That's not that's not going to be any uh
Payback to her not that I ever necessarily want to do that
But uh, you know if I hold on to that anger that continues to be poisoned in my system
and so
our
Memories get as if served to us on a platter
And we don't know when they're going to come and you don't necessarily
Even need to know why they came because that's where a lot of people get stuck like why would I be thinking about this now?
Why would I be remembering this now? Why would that come up for me now?
It doesn't really matter the fact is that it came up
And in the coming up, that's when it could be dealt with it could be
met
That's from the work of uh gangaji who I don't totally
Necessarily follow because she's all japped up and recommended the jobs and everything. It doesn't look good
But but I love her
Instruction to meet
The experience to meet the memory to meet the feelings that are surrounding the memory and then
A level deeper is to meet the programs that hold all of that charge in place
And and you can treat it that your consciousness is serving you
Not torturing you not giving you things to feel
Bad about only but so that you could heal so that you could be free
So yeah, that was the the point of all of that
and uh
Yeah, when we release uh
Charged memory it turns into just a memory you can still go back
And remember what was the most painful thing to you the the thing that would
Not not only injured you from the past
But continues to injure you over and over and over and over again
As if it continues to injure you but really it's our unconscious choice
We are injuring ourselves or consenting to this re injury
And then when it's completely discharged and all of the programs are gone
You're still going to have the memory
But it's not going to be a source of losing energy and and pain
Which is fascinating. I mean what you know, what's up with that the the ability to remember is of course
I think a very big part of our evolution. It's not exclusive to human beings that we have memory although we can't
Tell the extent of it with animals
I remember bringing one of my cats that came from a litter where the parents were still
Or the mum was still in the neighborhood
And so we brought our little kitties for a sleepover when we were going away. Well, the mum did not remember
the kittens
Or it was that she didn't want to see them
She didn't have any like love and affection for them. She didn't suffer when they were gone
Kind of thing it was so funny because you think like oh my baby's back and
Oh, I love you and where have you been lick lick lick and it was just like, who are you?
Get you know get away brat or you're are you gonna eat my food or something like that?
And she just had no no, uh affection for her babies
So what's what's that like a totally different kind of
Uh thing human human would be hard-pressed
They would have to suppress the crap out of their instincts in order to not
Welcome and uh and and want to be with that baby
but
Yeah, it's a it's a totally different kind of a function going on with our
With our memories and uh and and animals
So they do they do remember like if you if you abuse an animal they remember that how sad is that right?
they they they can end up being very
much
estranged and
Unsocial and hard to
Interact with and you know being loving and kind to an animal
If they have such a strong memory of having abused then they're not going to be able to receive that
It's really tragic and I don't know that they can necessarily heal from it. Although maybe they can
I did have my mum's cat god knows what she went through to become so crazy
It's probably just the genetic engineering of of her line because she was a
A persian sigmes like a really beautiful amazing
Looking animal. She was barely there. It was all for just like this
And when I first got her you know her nature had been and I knew I knew her because she was my mum's cat
Was all just like oh scary humans don't come near me. Don't I'm definitely never going to sit on your lap
And you know, I might I might acquiesce to let you touch me a little bit here and there
But like oh you're you're a danger and the thing
And over the course of the months I I started somewhat forcing her like okay
Pick her up put her on my lap and and when she wanted to go she would go
But there there came a time where she actually wanted to sit on my lap
So there was some some kind of healing took place in in that part of her nature
I think animals can come along
But the fact remains I think humans have the greatest capacity for healing of any species of of any kind
And that's why you don't imbue animals with human qualities. They they are not human. There's something distinctly different
Exactly if you can't tell the difference between a cow and a human then
You know then we won't have this conversation at all
Yeah
Some vegetarians use that as an argument to not eat meat that if you can't tell the difference because oh well animal or you know plants die when we eat them too
And uh, then someone would say if you can't tell the difference between a cow and a cauliflower then
We don't have anything to talk about
But uh, that's a whole other conversation
So yeah interesting also how say in institutionally
Memorization has become the cornerstone
of education
I recently had somebody that
Wants to sign up for one of my courses and they said oh, yeah, I have to I have to wait until my
Memory gets better and that's like I mean I totally respect everybody's timing. There's no criticism whatsoever
but um, but that this is the conditioning that we have a um
That learning equals memorization and that we you know read words in a book and we and we
Add that to our memory. Sometimes you have to force that stuff in in your memory
There might be subjects you've noticed
And you can let me know in the chat if there's subjects that
you learned or you like
Uh, get exposed to you read about you hear about you whatever and that information just goes in
And it's just there
Right, that's how personally I've been with the work in archetypes and the the inner consciousness
All of this kind of stuff to me. I can learn something one time and it goes right inside my consciousness
It just does like I don't I don't have to read it again
I don't have to sit and think like what was that and remember that
There's there's certain stuff that I can just hear once and blam. It's mine
And then there can be other subjects for example the law
I it doesn't honestly I can read something law and finances same kind of subject for me
I can read something several times I could hear someone say it
Many times I could take the same class like three times in a row. I mean I'm I'm about to embark on on that
with brennan sterling
And I can just barely grasp like just barely pull out a word
I know I could give it more time and energy and I could give it more effort and like treat it like my full time
Work every day and I could do that. I know I do have the ability
To memorize and take in information
But if it's what is it a matter of interest or purpose
That we don't have certain inclinations and therefore the
The porosity is funny how that word keeps coming to my mind these days that we're not porous
to that information so
somebody the other day I I just totally uh
Said something like they said oh the constitution is the law and if any law
Supercedes the constitution then it's it's not right
And and then and then I had this memory that oh, but the law the you know law has to be enacted
But I was thinking it's something else. I did pick up one fact, but I mangled it
And I was totally wrong like and they were right the constitution is actually law
And any law that comes after it cannot supersede it even though that happens anyway, right?
But uh, yeah, yeah all the jingles the way that we've used music to embed
That uh, I have a friend who wrote a song on all of the I believe it was the bones of the body
Like every single bone in the body she had a song that encapsulated
Nearly every part of the anatomy. I can't remember if it was bones or whatever
And it was kind of miraculous because she had the whole thing down
And it becomes much easier when you attach it to music
And what's that where the memory is much more?
um
accessible when it's got some rhythm and a melody and
Maybe a flow to tie it all together. So yeah, that's that's a pretty fun way to go
And uh, and then yeah, so the focus on memorization as learning
Has turned us all into like what has that has that worked for us? Has it made us
wise and knowledgeable and
able to not repeat mistakes from the past
Um
Right has has it done that is it made us so great
Has it made the average person that comes out of the school system? Whether that's grade 12 or university or
You know masters and phd programs
As that has that made for a bunch of wise people even though they have a lot of facts
Or they may not even have those facts think about it
I got the gold medal in my degree in university. It's a big nope
Exactly. I got the the gold medal. So I'm bragging. I you know, I was at the top of my class in in anthropology
And uh, I might have enough words
to to uh, take up the space of like say say
One hand
From that degree that whole entire degree in the field of anthropology
There's one word that sticks out australiopithecus. Um, why did I retain that word? I don't know
Why is it even so top of mind for me if I started naming the
You know, so-called evolution of humanity which complicates things greatly because why are you going to remember things that are
Probably not even true that it's
manufactured
History although this is in history because it wasn't the written word. That's like pre-history
Uh paleontology kind of kind of stuff and uh, you know, they so like I've got the gold medal
But I don't remember anything nothing. Why right? Why because that knowledge is not actually
uh of use
There were some things in my degree that I went forward and and used and they have come full circle like the whole shamanic
Initiation that I'm thinking about more these days
And it's kind of threading into my work a little bit, but um
So, yeah, we we don't we don't really learn through memorization just through
Creating new grooves in our memory. And why do some memories persist?
And why do some memories fade?
Why is that? Why would I remember australiopithecus? Why would I remember that?
What's what's the point of it that it's just so
top of mind and uh, so these are the questions and I don't necessarily have answers
Utilitarianism is a fun one. Yeah
Yeah, words are fun. They have certain
Uh rhythms and they are fun to play with
So very good. What else do I have here? Yeah
Then then I was going to talk a little bit about the repetition of mantra, which is kind of like
memory on steroids
Where you just repeat
you take a
little phrase or a verse
and you
Say it or you sing it over and over and over and over and over and over
And over and over and over and over and over
And you do it again the next day and you do the same thing over and over and over
And it can be a very deep study
I say, you know choosing your phrase carefully, of course, you don't want the the mantras that have a negative
meaning and vibration to them
But I found personally I abandoned mantra as a practice
Because having done mantra for the better part of 10 years and going to india and picking up all the sunscreen verses and everything like that
The practice led me ultimately. I always look at this. What's the net result?
What what was created in the end?
Was I was sick with a stage four lymphoma?
Well, all my mantra didn't spare me
from getting so
incredibly out of alignment in my life
and getting so sick and needing to
to
move to emergency measures for three years
So the repetition became
Something that worked against me. I had a roommate when I was
back in
my post corporate. I think it was when I was I was
maybe post
post treatments and and surviving that second
round
And so I had a roommate I was living with she was very into mantra. She was part of a cult. It was the japanese version of
What do they call it?
Psycho goners
Having observed my roommate and so she would sit and repeat these mantras over and over and over
and
And then she got sick and died
Like really sick and and her people in the cult would say that oh
Don't see a doctor, which I mean I might have said the same thing if she was asking my advice
Which she didn't but they would just say like just do your mantra
Just do your practice. Do your practice. Do your practice. It will take care of everything
And then she died. I was like, hmm that advice didn't work very well
So what happens to you when you're in that?
Robotic repetition of a mantra what happens to you?
What what what takes place that she could get so sick and die and not intervene?
it's amazing nobody came along and
sued the cult
Like her father or her brother or something like that. It was a really tragic death or who knows
I mean that that might have been her time no matter what but this is this is what I saw that that mantra was
making her numb
And you can see the that's exactly what what people who've been
Engimicated end up just like
Like robots and automatons on repeat
Saying the thing the same thing
With the inability to take in any new information or be porous to any new information
Like I was talking about my sister who is miraculously able to do that on my behalf
And so you have the repetition of the mantra just creates this
Kind of numbness in you for example
You can use a very you know
Any kind of a thing give yourself
A stimulation of some kind like right just run a pen on your hand
And keep doing that back and forth back and forth back and forth back and forth back and forth
If you do that for half an hour or an hour or two hours
What's going to happen to the the skin that you're rubbing back and forth
Right you guys know this
Yeah
Yeah, the the mantra becomes programming to the to the individual. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's it can be very much attached
with
Programming I I didn't look at it exactly that way, but I think I see what you're seeing you're saying there
That um
The the programming basically ends up being what comes to the surface
And what we operate out of
Say with that example with my roommate if she wasn't
Doing the mantra it's possible. She could have had
a thought like oh
I need some help of some kind. I need to like
Find a solution to this problem that I'm having
Whether she may or may not have you know, it turned into a very advanced cancer
Who knows we have no no way to know but
But yeah, it's possible that the
Say one one way that I might say it is that they use the mantra as a way to suppress the programming
So not necessarily that the mantra becomes the programming
But it comes now I now I could say it your ways that like them they do mantra
because of the programming
And that helps them to not feel the pain of the programming because programming is the most painful thing that you could
ever experience
Right. It's threatening your core needs for love control survival and connection
And when you discover a program and you allow yourself to meet it and to feel it
That's more pain than anybody signs up for right there, right like that. It's it's right there
Available to us if we have decided to allow ourselves to go there and to feel that
In the name of what freedom not not just because pain makes you grow. It's not like that
You have you have to still do something with that you have to release it
You have to release the programming that is is vibrating with that pain. So yeah, the mantra is a way to just
further suppress
Because if we keep our mind busy
Back and forth doing the same repetitive thing over and over again, then there's no room
For a memory to come up. There's no room for a program to come to your awareness
And to feel all that pain, but this is the thing that people are trying to avoid is the space
The silence the quiet
The uh being alone can feel like a uh a death of kinds because it's just you and your thoughts
You know, what do people do when they're alone for 10 seconds? Is they I I found I I caught myself wanting to do it when I had
Dinner with my sister. She went off to the restroom and it's like oh
I want to grab my phone and see if they're they need notifications, right?
And it's just like no, I'm gonna just sit here
I'm just gonna sit here. I'm not even gonna look at the menu. I'm not gonna busy myself
I'm just gonna sit here and see what happens
And this is an ongoing training for me to just be able to to go into that uh space
So it doesn't it doesn't mean, you know, I still have
CDs I've got four recordings. They all have mantras on them. Some of them extended
I was listening a little bit last night and I'm going. Oh my goodness. She could sing like forever
The same song and the same thing the same melody in the same words
and uh
It is you know, it is it is good in in regulating your nervous system and regulating your breath
Mantra using your voice is very good
It's you know, it's it's a beautiful vibration overall for the body
It's very calming and very nice, but it has this potential and and what does it maybe come down to is your motive
What's your motive? Is it to numb out or is it to go more deeply in into your
Uh experience so that you could release and be free
So yeah, it's all very
complex and
Yeah, so I did a lot of mantra
I don't I don't do mantra as a practice anymore. I'll still sing along to my own songs because they're they're fun and they're pretty
I like them
But uh, but not so much as a spiritual practice to mean to me now it's it's all about
the release work
Taking away what's not you and uh and letting what's not you go
Um, this was interesting around memories and I can't remember where I heard this the first time
but I've been repeating it ever since so I can't give credit to it but
Someone said that there's two deaths
The first death is when your body passes
And you go in the grave
The second death is the last time that somebody says your name
Right, which is so interesting then you start to think about like who is going to remember me
And say my name when I'm gone and you know, sometimes I'll just be sitting there in the quiet and I'll say
I'll say my mom's name or my dad's name or my grandma's name
I'll just say it out loud
to keep their memory alive, right and uh, does that actually affect them or not? I don't know if it's
There's any truth inside that I don't know but that's kind of fascinating that
We all have to face that that at some point
That there's going to come the time where you are no longer in anyone's memory
And some of us will fight to leave a book behind or some kind of legacy or project
That's in line with the king archetype that
Sees beyond their own lifetime and the benefit of maybe potential future generations to come
But we don't know there's no guarantee of
The media coming through, you know, you write a book and
This will this will dissolve and evaporate eventually, right?
It won't it won't even be a piece of paper anymore. And who knows about
Electronic we think these things live forever, but they can be gone
instantaneously also so
It's kind of fascinating people used to hold the stories and
And the tales in there in their memories and then pass them on religiously
And they would be obligated to continue passing on those stories
And that's how the oral tradition was able to live and thrive
See she'll said it's a song that never ends
It just goes on and on my friends some people start singing it
Not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever just because yeah
Yeah, I'm amazed
That when I listen to people's music
I have to do it judiciously because I will get their music in my head
And it will make an impression and it will be there incessantly
So every
Every spare moment every quiet moment where I'm not using my mind
I will I'll be hearing that
And and then I have to I have to just totally like not listen to that for a really long time
There's one album I'll listen to every year. I love it and I know all the words to it
and I like to dance and sing and
Uh, it's uh, Austin french if you're familiar with him. He's got he's got some really cool. I just I just love his voice
I love his energy and it's positive and the whole
world of not positive
But if I listen to it more than once a year, it's in there and and like I'm always having this backdrop
So I would rather have my own music as a backdrop if I have anything stuck in my head
I'd rather have something that I chose stuck in my head like a
A brain worm. I call it
Any day he says she loves storytelling but craves real life stories not fictional ones usually just people talking. Yeah
Yeah, that's what's so compelling about
connecting with people and hearing their stories
That often people think their story really has no
value
Or no real meaning that that just means that they haven't
Dug the meaning out of it and threaded their life together in a way that's meaningful. So the stories
are
Actually a coherent whole they are this is something that I help people with when it comes to sacred purpose work is
Looking back in your life and seeing how did everything thread together?
And how do you have a story from that that has this
Deeper meaning about maybe the lessons that it's taught you the truths that it's brought forward in your life and all of the
wisdom of living
So yeah, the the stories of people are incredibly compelling even if they're
Just normal living. There's there's something beautiful. And I think the underlying reason for that is that
We are creatures of the divine and and the divine
in some ways
I think is is really living through us in a strange way living through our experiences every time I let myself
Say be joyful and dance and sing and just express and
You know
Take a little bit of a break. I can feel this
divine
enjoyment that that
that
God can know itself
Through me and not just through the enjoyment, of course that like that includes all
You know from the the high the low the the good the bad the ugly everything
And and then yes, so when we get to see through other people's eyes
it's exciting because
I
Only have this perspective. I only know this being and this body and this life and these memories
So when somebody shares and imparts and tells a story of their real life
Then that's compelling to me because I don't have that perspective. I don't get to see through those eyes
That's why I love interviewing people because I get to see through their eyes
Even if I don't necessarily totally agree with them with which is often the case I might not interview anybody if I didn't totally
If I had to totally agree with them
But uh, yeah storytelling it is really really compelling. I love that we had a I hosted
In part a women's lecture series
Based on that exact premise that we we love to hear other people's stories
And it doesn't matter again that it's some heroic tale
Sometimes people hear my story and they and then it makes them feel like they're diminished in their story
But that's just really not
Not the case at all every story is is worth telling
Especially if you if you garner something out of it like you you let wisdom come from it
The ring of truth sounds good. Nice. You should write a story about your life called the ring of truth
And authentic experience. Yeah to me. This is like the ultimate
Thing that we can get we can have our own and express our own authentic experience and potentially we could
get
The uh experience of other people
Vicariously that way and and live more than one lifetime because other people are
Are brave to share
I just noticed a button on my stream yard says show comments on stage. There they are. Wow
I really have to play with stream yard when I'm not
live streaming because there's more features than used to be
And uh, let's see there's all kinds of other things
If you bear with me, let me see what happens when
this
Oh, that's for the chat. I get it you can make it big for those people who are
challenged with
Seeing that would be me. So that's kind of fun
And what happens when I do this nothing? Okay stays the same
Good to know and this could be wide and take over the screen a little bit and it could be tall tall is
Interesting and then regular good. Now. I know
All right, um, let's see I was also
I'm gonna talk a little bit about what I call loops and stations
Is a subject that I teach my coaches to watch out for but we should all be aware of this
And uh, it's a kind of detective work
that any inner
Work of freedom is going to be detective work any work. That's truly for your health is going to be
a detective work
And hello paul. Nice to see you glad you're here just uh
talking about being a detective and that's like the ultimate
task that we have here on this earth of
discovering
In this case in my subject the unconscious
What can be loops and stations and how you know, you can be aware of a memory
Oh, this memory keeps coming up. Oh, it just keeps coming up and so you don't investigate it
You don't necessarily, you know, what are all my feelings around that memory?
What are all the programs that route those feelings in place?
You don't necessarily do that and then you just like, oh, yeah that memory
And you go on with your day and your normal life
And you just go on but if you if you start doing the detective work and you go like, oh
Fascinating that memory comes up at the same time every year
There's some kind of have you noticed that by the way that there's certain of of course cycles
I'm about to have my astrology read by tofu for my birthday. So that's going to be really fun next week
And that's all about the cycles and I think I'm about to go through a major Saturn return
New event in the next
I think it was 20 27 April 20 27. That's a definite, you know
re
membering of your past and your
Like major things tend to happen. My first Saturn return was when I got really sick with cancer
And my life fell apart and everything was completely over for
The moment could have been over forever
And uh
So if once you start going really deep into these things you do notice certain kind of
patterns and and loopings and and ways that you station and remain rather than in, you know, moving
maybe
up the scale of emotion or archetypes
Which is not necessarily the goal
But this movement is is is definitely part of the goal where there's movement
There's life and these loops and stations. They keep us
Moving, but they do not keep us growing. I think is the main point
so there's movement in the loops and those stations of the loops and
so I'll use an example of
Say there's something that
I would have wanted maybe an opportunity of some kind
Or somebody to like me or love me and I and I wanted that and then so I would you know
Grasp at that and try to get that however
engineer that or
God forbid manipulate to get that
Uh, which I don't know what he does on purpose
Of course, that would only be unconscious and then say there came a point where
I got rejected
Or I just couldn't get that thing or I failed or you know, things didn't work out
Like I hope they did or the person didn't cooperate
That and and they didn't want to be part of my
imagination or part of my
creation that I was trying to make
And and then so I would
The next thing from this like trying to get trying to grasp
When I when I had that full stop then I would go like oh, well
I don't care about them. I just like oh, I didn't I didn't really care about them. I didn't really care about that
and uh, and and I might even project on to them that
They're stupid or they're bad and wrong or uh, you know some kind of
Maybe compensating myself for feeling bad. I don't I don't have to feel bad and rejected as long as I
Feel bad towards them and I and I make it like I judged them
And so you can see how there's like this grasping
And then there's the avoidance of rejection being another part of the loop and then the moving over towards
Towards like you're bad. I'm wrong. I never I never liked you anyway or like I must be above you
That's why you rejected me because I'm so much better than you
Stuff like that and so you can see there's a few different
Loops the the loop itself has a few different stations
And the tendency is to just keep on moving inside the same repetitive
Loop that you have already created for yourself, which turns into a kind of
memory but an unconscious
memory not that you would uh do that on purpose by any means
It is a way to keep suffering in place to have the um
Perpet you know if you have the suffering go into perpetuity
And never get off the loop in the station. The beauty is you know, ultimately you can pan out
You can see the whole dynamic of your own your own
Loops and and stations and you can release the whole thing at one time
If you can see it all at one time and you can see the programs
That you use to hold the loops and stations in place
You can let go so much at one time and that whole dynamic can just turn into
You know what seems like funny like did I really do that? Did I think like that?
And that can get more subtle also you can release layers of it
And it just gets uh get smaller and less consequential and it's not a showstopper
And you just notice it but it's not actually keeping you stuck in any way
And uh, yeah holidays are are notorious for bringing up certain kinds of memories exactly
Exactly. You've got it. They're just uh
That's that is part of the hard
Hard part I have to admit that when the holidays start to come up these days
It is it does bring up tension and
And uh cause for more inner work for me because holidays used to be a time with a family and uh
And now I have a lot of free time
I might be helping a friend to create a little bit of a business in christmas this year
That's how free I am. I don't have any plans of any kind with any luck
I can get my son and his girlfriend to come over for a supper or something like that, but uh
They are living their own life and having their own
experience and
Busy and stuff like that. So yeah holidays really bring up stuff for people and
When you think about you know for those that are connected with family and going to family gatherings and
You know, you're gonna meet so and so and they're gonna say something to you or they're not gonna want to listen to you
And it's gonna trigger your childhood memories that you don't matter or it's gonna make you
You know, maybe you're higher up the scale and you think oh, yeah, you're still just stupid as ever
Why don't you listen to anything? I have to say and uh, yeah, it's fodder for a great deal of
Of issues. I always thought I should just do support groups for holidays
with people
But they're busy. That's not not they're not gonna be
Doing that at that time. So yeah, let me see what else I got here
I was um reflecting a little bit on the word forgot and
On the surface that that word is is kind of uh confusing because four
implies, you know before
Where it's like the foreground meaning the the front
And and then got so it's it's like this
future
gottenness
Uh, which is forgotten, but that it just seems like a badly
Named word
But when I looked into the actual etymology of it, it was kind of interesting
um, it is uh middle english
From
for yet for yet in from old english
for
For
Geyton if I'm saying that right at all for etym. Who knows if they pronounce that g or not
To lose power of recalling to the mind to fail to remember neglect inadvertently. That's all our normal
meaning for the word forgotten
used probably with
Privative force
The now specifically referring to the word for the prefix for so this made a lot more sense that it it uh,
its inherent meaning
To be a way or a miss. So not not like the the before meaning
Or the forefront meaning but a way a miss or opposite
so it is um
and then got
or or um
Getten is uh to get or to grasp
And then so it's the missed grasp. That's what that word actually means. So having looked up the etymology
It makes a lot more sense now
And it literally means to un un get hence to lose from the mind
And um, I don't know about you guys, but I tend to run my life a little bit more alchemist than I do
uh, what's a
Another example could be could be warrior or or king
The alchemist will rely more on
The access of memories. So there is the potential that we don't have to think our way through life
And we don't have to methodically, you know, put everything on a list although
I still do lists pretty good these days because at some point the memory is going to fail
you get the volume of things
In in the memory and you might not access the right thing at the right time or
If you've noticed you will remember it at the wrong time when you can't do anything about it when you're your hands are tied or you're
You know, it's not accessible
And you always remember it when you can't do anything about it and you always forget about it when you can do something about it
So that's when it'll hit the list like okay. Yeah, this is coming
But to the degree that my memory will serve me
Whatever I need
In that moment. I I know that potential to be very real and true
I have amazed myself sometimes where there's uh clients
Maybe I haven't had a conversation with for a long time. It's been a big period in between
Working together and I do take I do take notes
But there have been I I'm like amazed the degree to which I can hold certain memories
And then I can also completely forget, you know, so if you ever get worried that somehow
Uh, I um
You know, I'm going to divulge your secrets
I'm never going to do that like ever just because that's that's a vow that I take to myself and as a coach
I'm just never ever going to speak and what would be the point who would be interested in that
That's just like pure. I don't know
That's not authentic to speak about someone else's inner life and experiences and stuff like that unless it's a teaching moment for a specific purpose
Uh, and of course never revealing anybody's name
But sometimes I will remember the finest details and you're just like, where was that?
hanging out and might have never
Been revealed to me had I not been in this next conversation with them because there's no reason for that memory to come up
Or maybe they're the memories come for
No reason or something like that. So
Yeah, that was uh
kind of interesting what's remembered and what's forgotten
and uh
Yeah, so
That um, you know, if we're here if we are here to awaken into greater awareness and the freedom that can be made possible because of that
You know, I'm I'm putting out here that
awareness itself isn't the goal, but it's it's the
freedom that can be
garnered from
the awareness because the awareness brings us to all kinds of
You know, knowing of our self know thyself
And be aware of yourself. Don't be just blindsided every time you have a thought or you do something and you're like, oh
Who did that or who am I I didn't say that
Even going into denial
about it to yourself or to others
But this, you know
Awakening to greater awareness wanting to know yourself is really
The place that freedom can be made possible from
And to me that is the great goal
so
It's not a straight line. It's not an it's not
Just like put one foot in front of the other
It'd be nice if it was like that but it's not it's windy and it's up and down
and you get to work with your memories as they as they come to you
And uh, we're forever creating new memories. Sometimes our memories go on the record right now. This is
Going on the record and and going to be
available to someone else so that they could come along. It's like kind of a
An artifactual memory that maybe in the future can be found and maybe can't be we don't know if all of this is going to
Be destroyed. I always save my recordings, but that's no guarantee at all
and uh
So I you know, I guess one of the ultimate things I wanted to leave you guys with was that
The um, you know
Not being a straight line evolution not being able to just go from a to b and and gain freedom
Can feel defeating
And can leave us feeling like oh, well, I did all that work
But here I am feeling bad again or here. I am having another holiday strange holiday moment with the same person
Or oh that person isn't even here and I'm still mad at them
And um, you know that that can make you feel like oh, have I done any work at all?
Have I come anywhere?
But knowing that it's not a straight line evolution to freedom
Allowing things to just continue to come up over and over again allowing the memory to serve
Your ability to know yourself to do the detective work and go deeper
Inside to find the roots in the unconscious to dare to discharge
painful memories that came from losses and traumas
or growing
Then this to me is very worthwhile and I just want to encourage everyone to keep going which is my maxim
So I think that's pretty much everything that I wanted to share today and
It's a kind of fun subject that I like musing about some some things you can't conclude on I can only
open the inquiry and
Ask the questions and create
Some discussion around it. So thank you everyone for joining. I totally appreciate it
Your contribution is invaluable to me because it's more fun and it's more interactive and it gives me
I'm not just here talking at you guys. I'm talking with you which I prefer by far
So let's see coming up on the king heroes journey podcast on monday. I'm going to be having christine
Massey who was the warrior behind the freedom of information acts that
Let us know there's no boogeyman virus. So that's like huge
And I've I've known of her for a really long time already
But finally got brave and asked her for an interview. She said yes right away. So I'm looking forward to that
And so we'll be back 1 p.m. Central time on monday the 17th
and
I'm going to be just hanging out with a friend or two for my birthday on the weekend
And um, I think that's all so much love to you guys
I hope you have a beautiful rest of your day and I'm going to set up my
outro
Video see how this goes
That seems good
All right
Everybody lots of love for now