WEBVTT 00:24.460 --> 00:30.260 It is such a privilege for me to have you back on Unbroken a second time. 00:31.200 --> 00:35.100 Our first interview was a little short because we both had limited time. 00:35.300 --> 00:40.500 So I'm really glad that you can come back because, you know, as I was, we were just 00:40.500 --> 00:41.740 talking about a minute ago. 00:42.340 --> 00:48.440 When people understand the stories of SRA survivors, they will be able to understand 00:48.440 --> 00:50.100 the world and how it operates. 00:50.740 --> 00:55.600 So, you know, all of our stories and experiences are so important. 00:55.880 --> 01:01.760 And so I'm really grateful that you are willing to share. 01:01.980 --> 01:06.260 And I know you share across multiple platforms, but it's really great to have you back here. 01:07.000 --> 01:08.620 Thank you so much, Matt. 01:08.740 --> 01:14.320 Say was, you know, I was really honored the first time that, you know, you got in 01:14.320 --> 01:17.960 contact with me and we're like willing to have a chat with me and everything. 01:19.320 --> 01:22.380 It's the advocacy work is a huge part of my healing. 01:22.740 --> 01:27.120 But I was also really excited just because I've listened to a lot of your own story 01:27.120 --> 01:28.080 and your own work. 01:28.440 --> 01:32.580 And you just are very grounded and insightful and everything. 01:32.920 --> 01:35.040 So I mean, it was an honor the first time. 01:35.040 --> 01:38.880 And I'm really happy that I'm here a second time so that we can just continue the conversation. 01:40.200 --> 01:40.260 Good. 01:42.320 --> 01:46.540 So you've told a little bit about your story, but and I'm sure more will 01:46.540 --> 01:52.300 come out today, but I wanted to kind of jump off on what you said last time. 01:54.380 --> 01:58.720 Specifically, you gave this example that you were supposed to, 01:59.400 --> 02:02.280 I think it was kill a dog and you didn't want to. 02:02.820 --> 02:09.860 So then the perpetrators basically to punish you and imprint upon you 02:09.860 --> 02:14.560 that you have to do what they say, they started to really torture the dog 02:14.560 --> 02:16.720 in heinous and horrible ways. 02:17.700 --> 02:23.700 And I think that's an important thing to kind of talk about because I think pretty 02:23.700 --> 02:29.100 much all of us were forced to perpetrate and we didn't want to. 02:29.240 --> 02:33.660 And sometimes people think, well, you could have just said no, but not really. 02:34.140 --> 02:38.040 So maybe I know we've talked about a little before, but maybe kind of talk 02:38.040 --> 02:41.520 about that for a little bit and what, you know, what that was like. 02:42.440 --> 02:49.940 Yeah, so I mean, like most of like the ritual abuse and like 02:49.940 --> 02:55.040 mind control type training, it's like it's definitely you lay foundations with 02:55.040 --> 03:00.120 certain traumas and then, you know, kind of continue to like step it up as 03:00.120 --> 03:03.960 you're really solidifying those dissociative parts that are like have 03:03.960 --> 03:06.920 the mindset sort of the abilities that you are after. 03:07.780 --> 03:11.100 So the event that I had mentioned last time. 03:11.100 --> 03:16.620 And it's often a really common event for me to talk about in just in 03:16.620 --> 03:21.160 interviews in general, because I think just like you're saying, like many 03:21.160 --> 03:26.820 people have a hard time understanding how you can, you know, get to the point 03:26.820 --> 03:30.420 where you're able to, you know, to perform these acts, you know, to 03:30.420 --> 03:35.600 be to be a killer, essentially of like of innocent animals and human 03:35.600 --> 03:36.580 beings and everything. 03:38.340 --> 03:43.940 So, so yeah, so the, so the event that you had mentioned, and I had mentioned 03:43.940 --> 03:51.240 before is essentially there were periods in my life where my mom was off 03:51.240 --> 03:54.440 for training because she was in the military as well as my dad. 03:54.900 --> 03:57.000 And my dad would have sole custody of me. 03:57.100 --> 04:00.900 So there were certain periods in my life where essentially I was in 04:01.500 --> 04:06.260 his custody solely, essentially, sometimes for weeks, you know, and in 04:06.260 --> 04:09.400 this particular case, it was like a couple of months, essentially. 04:10.580 --> 04:14.100 And, you know, for context for everyone, you know, we're talking about 04:14.100 --> 04:16.360 like, you know, around six years old, basically. 04:16.460 --> 04:19.240 So this is like a small child that we're talking about. 04:21.200 --> 04:26.520 And essentially, like it was my dad would just hand me over to my 04:26.520 --> 04:29.380 handlers, you know, it was a military man. 04:29.480 --> 04:30.720 You don't mind me using names. 04:30.860 --> 04:32.940 I don't know if I have before on your show. 04:33.380 --> 04:34.340 Yeah, feel free. 04:34.340 --> 04:34.640 Yeah. 04:34.960 --> 04:35.180 Okay. 04:35.440 --> 04:39.320 So Julius William Gates was the main handler that I had ever since I had 04:39.320 --> 04:43.480 moved to Texas, but there was prior to that, when I was in Washington, DC, 04:43.680 --> 04:47.240 there was a lot of preliminary training there to make me already kind of 04:47.240 --> 04:51.960 like trauma bond or attached to him as like a romantic partner and as a 04:51.960 --> 04:53.220 savior and all this stuff. 04:53.380 --> 04:57.780 So he pretty much took on the bulk of my training from, from then out. 04:58.140 --> 05:01.720 And this was a time period where I was essentially my dad 05:01.720 --> 05:03.000 had handed me over to him. 05:03.200 --> 05:07.440 And I, you know, for, you know, for several weeks, you know, I was 05:07.440 --> 05:13.060 essentially in like a kennel location outside of the San Antonio area in 05:13.060 --> 05:14.820 the little bit more rural area in Texas. 05:16.160 --> 05:20.400 And that's kind of like where a lot of the training I had been 05:20.400 --> 05:23.820 exposed to a lot of rituals in general where, you know, I hadn't 05:23.820 --> 05:27.020 been forced to like a tandem and watch, you know, animals or people 05:27.020 --> 05:33.060 sacrificed, I had had, you know, instances where they, you know, were 05:33.060 --> 05:37.460 like my dad, for example, would have his hand over mine on a knife, you 05:37.460 --> 05:40.780 know, and be killing an animal or a person or something. 05:41.040 --> 05:44.540 And they, you know, convince you that, you know, you're part of the, 05:44.660 --> 05:47.180 you know, that you, you did it, you did the killing, you know, even 05:47.180 --> 05:49.680 though you had like no control over what was going on there. 05:50.400 --> 05:55.720 So this next step of the training was essentially trying to get me to 05:56.240 --> 06:02.040 have internal parts, you know, internal abuser allied parts that, you 06:02.040 --> 06:07.500 know, were completely dehumanized themselves, but also for like, not to 06:07.500 --> 06:11.480 have any empathy for whatever victim they chose to like put in front of me. 06:11.900 --> 06:16.580 So the bulk of this training was from Gates and then a woman that I 06:16.580 --> 06:21.440 always knew as who's like a young adult that I always knew as 06:21.440 --> 06:25.140 Mistress Diana, basically, and she had kind of the same role in the 06:25.140 --> 06:32.280 cult that I was being trained to, to embody, you know, so she was in ritual 06:32.280 --> 06:40.560 spaces, kind of being a ritual whore in rituals, also doing more of like the 06:40.560 --> 06:45.820 butchering and everything and the actual, you know, execution, sacrificing 06:46.460 --> 06:47.460 at these rituals. 06:48.000 --> 06:53.140 And I had been shadowing her as like part of the training that I 06:53.140 --> 06:54.940 experienced while I was staying in the kennel. 06:55.400 --> 06:57.200 There was also military training going on. 06:57.300 --> 07:00.540 I always describe it to people that's almost like you picture how your day 07:00.540 --> 07:03.800 would go when you were middle school, you know, where it's like different 07:03.800 --> 07:07.600 periods of the day are dedicated to different things. 07:07.680 --> 07:12.460 So it's like every day would kind of be split up into different, different 07:12.460 --> 07:13.360 things I was learning. 07:13.540 --> 07:17.320 Sometimes it was military and Wolfalter type training. 07:17.660 --> 07:21.280 Sometimes it was just basic anatomy training where they would have, 07:21.940 --> 07:28.320 they would have people and animals in like a more type setting in that veterinary 07:28.320 --> 07:32.220 clinic that was in the kennel, essentially, where it would just be learning 07:32.220 --> 07:35.660 kind of like the nuts and bolts, you know, but there's no killing going on. 07:35.740 --> 07:38.760 You're just learning essentially anatomy and everything. 07:39.360 --> 07:42.440 And then there would be parts of the day where I was with her, which was 07:42.440 --> 07:46.600 all kind of, you know, she was part of, you know, kind of like that more 07:46.600 --> 07:51.080 black mother sect, you know, part of the very, it's a very druidic oven. 07:51.480 --> 07:53.860 It was all women typically that were involved in this training. 07:54.420 --> 07:59.420 She herself, you know, was responsible for training me how to be, 08:00.380 --> 08:03.700 you know, to step into her role, to do the butchering, 08:04.100 --> 08:06.580 to do like the killing at rituals, et cetera. 08:08.360 --> 08:14.420 And what she had experienced, you know, in that time frame basically was 08:14.420 --> 08:18.160 that when we were trying, when they were trying to step up that training to where 08:18.160 --> 08:24.120 I would then, I would be able to like have a part that of its own volition could 08:24.880 --> 08:29.040 actually commit the act of like killing or sacrifice or something of perpetrating, 08:30.120 --> 08:34.320 that there was a lot of, you know, there was a lot of holding back, you know, 08:34.380 --> 08:38.140 there had never, I had never really been able to get to the point where 08:38.140 --> 08:43.900 there was a part that completely could just wall off the pain that I was causing 08:43.900 --> 08:46.980 or, you know, the reality of like what I was being involved in. 08:47.200 --> 08:50.540 And there was a lot of reluctance, you know, there was a lot of kind of rebellion. 08:50.960 --> 08:53.880 There was a lot of, you know, there was a lot of me that still was like 08:53.880 --> 08:56.440 not interested at all in participating in this. 08:56.700 --> 08:59.580 And she was having difficulty with that 08:59.580 --> 09:02.180 because she was assigned to be teaching me these things. 09:02.520 --> 09:07.860 So essentially she, you know, gave me a bad review with like with Gates, 09:08.060 --> 09:11.160 essentially, to where she was explaining, you know, 09:11.160 --> 09:14.580 that she hadn't been able to get me to like, you know, 09:14.720 --> 09:18.020 have a part that fully switched and was able to commit these acts. 09:21.340 --> 09:25.820 So Gates created this scenario, you know, I would assume where 09:26.920 --> 09:29.800 they had brought me outside of the kennel. 09:30.300 --> 09:33.220 There was like, you know, it was kind of a sparsely wooded area, 09:33.680 --> 09:34.700 kind of a campground. 09:34.840 --> 09:37.140 I remember there being like a picnic bench, for example. 09:38.120 --> 09:40.540 And, you know, there was a lot of, you know, 09:40.560 --> 09:43.900 humiliation and rewriting me and stuff like that for not being, 09:43.900 --> 09:46.400 you know, not being useful enough, not being, you know, 09:46.820 --> 09:49.340 not embodying, you know, living up to their expectations 09:49.340 --> 09:51.680 and embodying, you know, the things I was supposed to do. 09:52.580 --> 09:58.760 And basically he, you know, he had this dog in like a wire kennel. 10:01.020 --> 10:04.280 And, you know, Mr. Steyena had the knife, you know, 10:04.280 --> 10:08.160 they put the knife in my hand and it was just like, okay, 10:09.200 --> 10:10.440 kill this dog, you know. 10:10.600 --> 10:13.440 And on a certain level they knew that I wasn't going to 10:13.440 --> 10:16.660 because at that point I had not been able to do that, you know. 10:16.860 --> 10:20.940 So I, you know, I refuse, you know, I'm like crying, 10:21.060 --> 10:25.300 I'm not interested in, you know, killing this perfectly innocent dog. 10:26.740 --> 10:31.180 And so their next step basically was to, you know, 10:31.180 --> 10:36.300 put lighter fluid on the dog and then set him on fire so that he was, 10:36.340 --> 10:39.460 you know, like running around the clearing, screaming, 10:39.840 --> 10:43.040 like a dog wood that's on fire and everything. 10:43.640 --> 10:49.560 And, you know, just, you know, very shock and awe, 10:49.680 --> 10:53.280 like a lot of these really imprinted training things are, 10:53.380 --> 10:56.020 you know, where, you know, it's just your, you know, 10:56.440 --> 10:58.440 completely breaks your heart, you know, 10:58.440 --> 11:00.480 but it's also very, like a very, you know, 11:00.520 --> 11:02.160 visceral and real experience, you know, 11:02.200 --> 11:06.680 the trauma that you're witnessing and essentially, you know, 11:06.780 --> 11:10.780 at a certain point, you know, the dog stopped running, you know, 11:10.880 --> 11:12.800 and was like, was on its deathbed. 11:13.520 --> 11:16.960 And at that point, you know, they put the knife back in my hand 11:16.960 --> 11:23.440 and walked me over to the dog and essentially told me, kill the dog, you know. 11:23.660 --> 11:26.880 So, and at this point, you know, it was, 11:26.880 --> 11:28.540 the dog was going to die anyway. 11:29.160 --> 11:31.680 But at this point, it's like, you know, you are, 11:32.460 --> 11:37.820 you know, you're feeling like you're helping the dog in that case 11:37.820 --> 11:40.800 because you're ending their suffering, you know. 11:41.220 --> 11:44.580 And it's like, when you see how much a living being like that is suffering, 11:44.760 --> 11:47.060 it's like, you just, you know, it's like at that point, 11:47.160 --> 11:50.780 you know, it's like a God over whatever was holding me back, you know. 11:50.960 --> 11:54.460 And, you know, I just, I killed the dog, you know, I slit his throat. 11:56.340 --> 11:59.240 And, you know, stabbed him like I was trained to do, essentially. 11:59.880 --> 12:04.860 And that like moment, you know, that was, 12:05.140 --> 12:08.700 that it had the intended effect in my system that they wanted, 12:08.860 --> 12:16.700 you know, which was essentially it's, you learn that there is no way out of 12:18.460 --> 12:20.160 doing what they want you to do. 12:20.360 --> 12:22.260 That essentially, if you resist, 12:22.260 --> 12:24.760 you're not only making it worse for yourselves, 12:24.940 --> 12:27.300 because of course they had been threatening me, you know, 12:27.360 --> 12:30.900 they had been, you know, doing things to torture me or threatening me, 12:30.920 --> 12:34.580 you know, with like, you know, deaths or loved ones or all kinds of stuff, 12:34.680 --> 12:38.300 you know, trying to get me to like, to do that up until that point. 12:38.340 --> 12:39.120 And it hadn't worked. 12:39.360 --> 12:43.680 But at that point, you know, it was like a very real experience of being like, 12:43.820 --> 12:49.960 okay, like if these people want someone dead or something dead in this case, 12:49.960 --> 12:53.960 you know, like I can resist it as much as I want, 12:54.080 --> 12:58.100 but it's not going to change the fact that this dog is going to be dead. 12:58.220 --> 13:02.060 And is it going to be dead quickly and mercifully, you know, 13:02.180 --> 13:05.460 or is it going to have, you know, am I going to resist and make, 13:05.480 --> 13:08.420 you know, increase the pain, increase the torture, 13:08.420 --> 13:10.720 but not change the outcome, basically. 13:11.120 --> 13:11.140 Right. 13:11.500 --> 13:15.780 Um, and so that was a very like pivotal like anchoring memory for me that, 13:15.900 --> 13:17.700 you know, that my butcher parts that everyone, 13:17.700 --> 13:21.200 you know, all these parts that were forced to perpetrate later on, 13:21.360 --> 13:26.140 you know, kind of had at like their core, you know, where they were split off, 13:26.320 --> 13:29.120 where they, you know, they, they were built on the foundation of this 13:29.120 --> 13:32.800 understanding that, you know, if we are, you know, 13:32.920 --> 13:37.960 we're directed to a victim and told that that victim had to die 13:37.960 --> 13:41.360 in any, any way that they said, basically, that it was something 13:41.360 --> 13:43.660 that we would obey without question. 13:43.660 --> 13:47.780 Otherwise, the alternative was going to be much worse, essentially. 13:49.040 --> 13:52.840 And, and that I do bring that, you know, it's like, like, 13:53.880 --> 13:56.940 I show various levels of emotion when I'm talking about this stuff, 13:56.960 --> 13:59.960 because I'm pretty dissociated from it, but, you know, it's, 13:59.960 --> 14:03.200 it's certain things, you know, it is hard not to, you know, 14:03.380 --> 14:07.780 not to get a little teary about and everything because for obvious reasons, 14:07.780 --> 14:11.700 like, but also because it's like it was like a very, you know, 14:11.700 --> 14:15.760 it's a lot of people I don't, I think don't realize like how 14:16.600 --> 14:19.940 kids that are forced to perpetrate in these trafficking type situations 14:19.940 --> 14:23.700 or these cults, you know, how trapped and powerless they feel. 14:23.800 --> 14:27.500 And that's kind of why I bring it up a lot is to, is to show that it's like, 14:27.800 --> 14:32.100 you know, put your six year old self into the shoes that I just talked 14:32.100 --> 14:35.040 about, you know, to anyone out there and think of like, you know, 14:35.380 --> 14:38.700 like, what, what would you come away from it with, you know, like, 14:38.700 --> 14:44.840 it's like, it's, it's a very, you know, calculated by psychopathic people. 14:45.040 --> 14:48.800 It's a very calculated scenario that's going to come, 14:48.920 --> 14:52.340 force the victim to come to a certain outcome in their mind, you know. 14:52.820 --> 14:58.580 And it's actually, it's using our love as a weapon against us, right? 14:58.760 --> 15:03.740 Using our compassion and our, our ability to feel for other living beings, 15:03.740 --> 15:08.360 which they don't have. And I mean, I can't tell you how many times 15:08.360 --> 15:14.260 I was put in those situations. And it's always a choice like I remember once 15:14.260 --> 15:20.500 in the underground facility that they had kidnapped a whole bunch of gypsies 15:21.140 --> 15:25.640 from the streets of Rome and lined them up in this room was just a bare 15:25.640 --> 15:29.340 concrete room with a drain hole, of course, and these hoses on the 15:29.340 --> 15:32.260 wall, you know, to wash away all the blood and everything. 15:32.980 --> 15:39.640 And I was given a gun and told I had to shoot this woman in the lineup. 15:39.760 --> 15:43.920 She had a little girl, a daughter, obviously with her men and women. 15:44.600 --> 15:49.080 And either I shoot her or they will shoot all of them. 15:49.100 --> 15:51.860 And they were like, I don't know, 15 of them. 15:52.580 --> 15:55.780 So what the hell kind of choice is that? 15:56.400 --> 16:03.060 So I have to kill one or if I refuse, then 15 people will be killed. 16:04.320 --> 16:09.640 So there's no, I would always be, and I was forced into many of these very specific 16:09.640 --> 16:15.340 kind of choices. You either kill this one or we kill all of them or, you know, 16:15.520 --> 16:19.880 and sometimes my younger sister would be used. You either, you know, 16:20.220 --> 16:24.380 you either kill this stranger or we're gonna, you know, and I would say, 16:24.380 --> 16:27.340 no, well, then we're gonna kill both, including your sister, you know. 16:27.680 --> 16:34.300 So it's, that's a weaponization of our love. We don't want to harm. 16:34.680 --> 16:41.060 And then given the choice to have 15 people die or one, I shot the woman. 16:42.060 --> 16:49.320 And then the aftermath is you're a killer. You've done it, you know, and putting this 16:49.320 --> 16:58.520 identity into us. And it's, honestly, I find the perpetration that I was forced to do the most 16:58.520 --> 17:05.960 traumatic parts of what happened to me, the times I was, you know, gang raped or tortured in a 17:05.960 --> 17:13.960 thousand different ways, pales in comparison to that. But again, that's a weaponization of love, 17:13.960 --> 17:20.380 isn't it? Yeah. No, I mean, it really is. And I mean, I think ultimately, like they 17:20.940 --> 17:29.580 are interested in having, having kids that are, you know, have gotten to a place where it's like 17:29.580 --> 17:34.720 it's simpler, you know, and are on the path to themselves becoming like a psychopath or sociopath, 17:35.400 --> 17:40.800 where, you know, they are able to just make the calculations early on where it's like, okay, 17:40.800 --> 17:46.640 it's me or them. And, you know, I'm not really going to resist as much. But I think for the ones 17:46.640 --> 17:53.680 that really, you know, become DID and get out of it was essentially, is because we do have such a 17:53.680 --> 18:00.700 strong connection to our love and to our compassion and everything. And but that being said, they, 18:00.800 --> 18:04.920 you know, once, once they know that's what they're dealing with, you know, it's like, 18:05.060 --> 18:09.620 they know exactly the scenario, you know, like you said, it's like, well, if this kid is going 18:09.620 --> 18:14.020 to maintain, you know, their feelings of empathy, their feelings of love, you know, 18:14.160 --> 18:18.300 at all costs, then it's, you know, that's the only next solution for them, you know, is, 18:18.300 --> 18:22.500 is, you know, either to kill us themselves, but they, they've already put a lot of time and effort 18:22.500 --> 18:28.160 into, into training and making us assets for one reason or another, either for doing things or 18:28.160 --> 18:32.580 for making money, etc. that, you know, they're, they're definitely going to try to, you know, 18:32.680 --> 18:37.240 to have us do what they want by any means necessary. And yeah, it's like, I think, 18:37.240 --> 18:41.780 I think for them, you know, love is just because they don't, they don't experience it themselves, 18:42.020 --> 18:45.880 you know, really, it's just another tool, you know, it's a weakness to them, you know, 18:46.280 --> 18:50.140 that they see, you know, that it's just another tool that they can use to, to essentially, 18:50.620 --> 18:57.080 you know, force us manipulate us, you know, to, into being and doing exactly what they want, 18:57.160 --> 19:01.200 you know, but I mean, that's also why I'm certain it's like the kind of thing that 19:01.200 --> 19:06.100 they overlook when we do get out, you know, and why when not just us, you know, but 19:06.100 --> 19:12.080 the world in general is waking up is because so much more people want to hold on to their humanity 19:12.080 --> 19:17.240 and stuff and not a certain level is like when being forced to perpetrate, you know, is really, 19:18.640 --> 19:23.260 you know, is really a protective measure that allows us to kind of like bide our time, 19:23.400 --> 19:27.940 you know, until we are in the position where we can, where we do have some control, 19:28.040 --> 19:33.180 you know, and some ability to, to get out, you know, and to heal and everything, 19:33.180 --> 19:39.900 but I am 100% on the same page that I think the biggest boundaries to my own healing and 19:39.900 --> 19:44.240 most survivors healing often is just, is the force perpetration, you know, it's, 19:44.460 --> 19:48.640 it's a lot of grief that you have to go through when it comes to the things, 19:48.880 --> 19:51.860 you know, and pain and everything that you have to go through when it comes to 19:53.020 --> 19:57.920 processing all the things, you know, that happen to, to, you know, our own body and 19:57.920 --> 20:01.880 psyche and everything, but I think it really is like, you know, it's the biggest hurdle 20:01.880 --> 20:06.620 for most survivors and the biggest thing that keeps them in, you know, addiction or, you know, 20:07.260 --> 20:12.420 suicidality and depression and everything is, is this inability to want to like look at the times 20:12.420 --> 20:17.000 that we were forced to perpetrate, because it's like you said, it imprints that identity that 20:17.000 --> 20:23.380 you are, you know, one of us, you know, that you're now a murderer, you're now, you know, 20:23.480 --> 20:28.160 you're now like on the side of evil, not the side of good, you'll never be accepted on the 20:28.160 --> 20:33.400 side of good because you have, you know, crossed that line and become the thing that you never 20:33.400 --> 20:37.640 wanted to be and you'll never be accepted by the side of good. So for those parts, you know, 20:37.860 --> 20:42.880 when we were talking about perpetrator parts or that is like, that's the, you know, the 20:42.880 --> 20:50.600 attachment and the survival, you know, the survival kind of like logic or strategy that 20:50.600 --> 20:55.060 they've had to come up with is, you know, that, you know, they see themselves as 20:55.060 --> 21:00.740 loyal or part of the cult because they'll deep down feel like that shame and know that they'll 21:00.740 --> 21:05.560 never get accepted, feel like they'll never get accepted or forgiven by, you know, the rest of the 21:05.560 --> 21:11.320 world or good people or something, you know, it keeps you, keeps you very much stuck in those, 21:11.460 --> 21:16.300 in those areas and keeps those areas walled off and also allows them to exploit those areas, 21:16.460 --> 21:19.660 you know, so that they can use you for their dirty work, you know. 21:20.220 --> 21:27.520 Yeah. And you know, and I think that's something I've thought about that a lot and I think that 21:28.140 --> 21:37.260 these perpetrators, these cult people, they have, you know, occulted, which just means 21:37.260 --> 21:43.020 hidden or secret knowledge about everything about us, our psychology, but also about how 21:43.580 --> 21:51.240 things work, ethereally, you know, quantum physics, like, and all of this. And I believe that they 21:51.900 --> 21:59.500 know about karma, they know about cause and effect, so they will use us, for example, 21:59.720 --> 22:05.220 us survivors, but also the whole of humanity to do what you just said, their dirty work, 22:05.220 --> 22:16.140 right? So that's part of them escaping responsibility for that. And so you mentioned 22:16.140 --> 22:25.620 training, right? And so I just want to point out, it takes a lot of training to turn a normal 22:25.620 --> 22:34.040 human child into, even still reluctantly and out of terror and fear, doing these atrocities, 22:34.040 --> 22:42.980 right? And so that's something I think is important maybe to touch on. The amount of resources and time 22:42.980 --> 22:49.400 and energy they invest in training all of us, and people may have heard about MKUltra or Monarch 22:49.400 --> 22:55.740 programming, or Beta sex kitten programming, or Theta or Delta or all of these things. 22:56.380 --> 23:07.100 And that's the whole point. They're using us to mold us into certain abilities and altars and people 23:07.100 --> 23:14.620 that then we will do their bidding in this, that or the other arena, right? So you mentioned that you 23:14.620 --> 23:21.240 were trained as a butcher, and just the word is kind of horrible, right? But the cult needs 23:21.240 --> 23:29.060 butchers for what they do. And then I think if I remember correctly, you may have also been groomed, 23:29.180 --> 23:35.800 and it sounds like from the Diana person, to be also a mother of darkness, right? 23:36.400 --> 23:42.880 Correct me if I'm wrong on that. But maybe for people who kind of don't understand this, 23:42.880 --> 23:51.200 like, talk about how you've been trained and like what your roles were within the cult. 23:58.930 --> 24:05.830 Hi everyone, it's Max. I wanted to invite you to my next seminar, Break the Matrix and Free Your 24:05.830 --> 24:13.670 Mind, The Path Forward. So as I think we can all see, the satanic slash satanic structures 24:13.670 --> 24:21.110 that we've been living under are crumbling in real time. So we're looking at a really bumpy 24:21.110 --> 24:28.810 transition process as governments shut down, travels being disrupted. We have kind of the looming 24:29.510 --> 24:37.370 hunger and digital ID thing that they're trying to push on us. Migration is destabilizing a lot 24:37.370 --> 24:45.050 of Western countries and they have escalated their assault on our bodies, nervous systems and psyche. 24:45.810 --> 24:52.150 And why? Because the psychopathic class is desperately trying to keep the matrix going 24:52.590 --> 24:59.470 as more and more of us unplug. They need our energy and compliance to keep the simulation 24:59.470 --> 25:05.850 running and they're really afraid that we will remember who we really are and co-create 25:05.850 --> 25:13.890 a reality outside of their control. So join me in this seminar where we're going to look at, 25:14.130 --> 25:20.770 identify and break out of what I call our wallpaper programming, which is the programming that's so 25:21.370 --> 25:27.990 basic and foundational that we don't even know we're programmed. How do we deprogram? How do we 25:27.990 --> 25:35.610 learn to become a free thinker, raise our consciousness and step into and recover those 25:35.610 --> 25:40.890 natural abilities that we've always had that they've kind of suppressed in this simulation. 25:41.790 --> 25:48.110 So the other thing that I'm going to cover in this seminar are actual practical solutions and 25:48.110 --> 25:56.610 steps we can take to build a new earth outside of the satanic simulation. Because the time is 25:56.610 --> 26:03.650 now. The transition is happening right before our eyes and yeah it may be a little turbulent and 26:03.650 --> 26:11.310 chaotic but we can come together as a community and thrive. That's actually why we incarnated 26:11.310 --> 26:19.590 here at this time. So let's focus on what is next as this old matrix dies and we move into a 26:19.590 --> 26:27.030 higher dimension together. I look forward to seeing as many of you as possible. If you want to sign up 26:27.030 --> 26:32.870 go to my website unbroken.global and look under classes. See you soon guys. 26:40.990 --> 26:47.950 So like anything like I started off with you know it's like there's like a progression almost 26:47.950 --> 26:54.570 like a formula it feels like that they have you know it's scientific yeah yeah every scientific yeah 26:55.050 --> 26:59.590 yeah I mean they've been doing it for generations you know and then you know you bring in all the 26:59.590 --> 27:04.650 knowledge that came from the concentration camps in mangala and the Nazis you know it became 27:04.650 --> 27:09.010 something that like had you know it's like somebody can write a textbook on you know where 27:09.010 --> 27:13.830 that it was you know understanding developmental ages understanding you know personality types 27:13.830 --> 27:20.010 understanding all these different things you know so I mean so much of it really is about 27:20.010 --> 27:26.050 not just the torture you know it is about the trauma bonding you know it's about you know 27:26.050 --> 27:31.610 how Stockholm syndrome works all these things work to essentially normalize really horrible evil 27:31.610 --> 27:41.210 behavior and make people loyal or you know feel attached to or loved by very abusive people 27:41.210 --> 27:47.250 um so I mean for for me I don't know and you're gonna have to remind me if I've talked about any of 27:47.250 --> 27:53.670 these things on uh maybe America like I think it's fine I think it's fine to repeat it and what you 27:53.670 --> 27:59.250 just said I want to highlight something you said they weaponize attachment as well as love because 27:59.250 --> 28:05.010 attachment is the most important human need we have and so you're absolutely right they use 28:05.010 --> 28:13.390 trauma love trauma love so they create a trauma bonding but because we need that attachment we 28:13.390 --> 28:18.490 will attach to the perpetrator so I just thought that was brilliant what you just said yeah well 28:18.490 --> 28:24.410 it's true I mean it's like if you're anyone puts themselves in the space of a small child 28:24.410 --> 28:30.230 especially like an infant or a father or something like you you see adults as you know the 28:30.230 --> 28:36.250 people you rely on you know for your emotional needs your physical needs you know your your survival 28:36.250 --> 28:42.530 you know the the the opposite of attachment is abandonment and the idea of abandonment for any 28:42.530 --> 28:46.590 you know small child means death you know it's like our brains are the same as they were 28:46.590 --> 28:52.010 when we lived in caves you know like it's like it's like am I going to be just left alone in 28:52.010 --> 28:56.590 the forest to be like picked off by wild animals or I'm going to do whatever I can to stay with 28:56.590 --> 29:04.270 whatever this group of adults is that I'm around essentially so you know the foundational stuff 29:04.270 --> 29:11.670 for me when it comes to really you know comes to the Black mother training and was foundational for 29:11.670 --> 29:17.770 like the butcher training and all of that stuff you know it came back to kind of like the same 29:17.770 --> 29:23.590 initial memories which was which was the ritual for me that happened in Washington DC before 29:24.030 --> 29:33.630 we had moved to Texas so and that was essentially you know it was a it's it's what laid the foundation 29:33.630 --> 29:42.790 for me being I guess considered part of like the mother of darkness you know kind of coven 29:42.790 --> 29:48.590 basically and having a part of myself you know that from toddler age like two and a half three 29:48.590 --> 29:55.530 years old had already identified you know these people are the group that I belong with you know 29:56.350 --> 30:04.330 and and for me you know for with that ritual it was essentially you know my my mom wasn't around 30:04.330 --> 30:11.230 you know it was my dad watching me and he handed me over to to these older women essentially 30:11.230 --> 30:17.710 that took me by car to someplace you know we passed by things that were recognizable 30:17.710 --> 30:24.990 kind of Capitol Hill looking I'm not sure exactly which building it was it was like a very official 30:24.990 --> 30:30.090 looking building with columns and stuff like that that we essentially ended up going underneath you 30:30.090 --> 30:37.810 know so this was like a subterranean chamber essentially and they were you know at that 30:37.810 --> 30:42.470 point they were you know full-on was like black robes and everything so I was with all women 30:43.030 --> 30:49.630 um and you know still wonder if I was like drugs some too because it was very common for me to 30:49.630 --> 30:54.150 experience you know throughout the training that you know hallucinogens or different things you 30:54.150 --> 30:59.250 know were you know sedatives all kinds of things are like you know they use all of it basically 30:59.250 --> 31:04.530 to also alter your mind state in addition to the trauma and like you know the trauma bonding 31:04.530 --> 31:11.070 all of that stuff um but it was essentially you know going down through stairs and you know 31:11.070 --> 31:19.010 and tunnels to where we were in this massive underground chamber and it was there was it looked 31:19.010 --> 31:22.490 like something out of like ancient battle on or something you know it was like almost like 31:22.490 --> 31:27.690 sand stony looking lots of columns like it's hard for me to describe how huge you know this 31:27.690 --> 31:33.910 this chamber was it was a really really large really large area and at one one end of it was 31:33.910 --> 31:42.550 like a dais that had a um a seated like bullheaded you know god type figure um and it was like kind 31:42.550 --> 31:49.890 of like a stage other end of it was like a smaller dais that had like a sarcophagus um and some seats 31:49.890 --> 31:56.890 next to it was it was pretty far away because once people filed in there was you know I don't 31:56.890 --> 32:01.490 it's when you're a toddler it's hard to conceptualize this stuff you know but it was a lot of 32:01.490 --> 32:05.630 people you know it was like at least a hundred people you know that were also black row that were 32:05.630 --> 32:13.410 there to file in but essentially I was brought to the stage um you know the dais whatever you want 32:13.410 --> 32:18.350 to call it you know it had an altar essentially a stone altar in front of this just bullheaded 32:18.350 --> 32:25.810 deity um and they you know once everyone else had arrived that was not on the stage it was just 32:25.810 --> 32:31.430 there to witness um it was essentially them uh and I don't know why like one of the things that 32:31.430 --> 32:35.950 stands out to me is that it was just people it was people men women people of all ages that were 32:35.950 --> 32:42.390 here to like to basically witness this ritual yeah I particularly remember you know at many of the 32:42.390 --> 32:46.210 rituals you know they're even being people that were elderly enough you know to be like a 32:46.210 --> 32:50.550 wheelchair so it's not like that you know which to me I don't know why it's just a detail that 32:50.550 --> 32:58.170 stands out um but in any case you know torchlight very you know like lots of um I don't know I feel 32:58.170 --> 33:03.170 like they put a lot of like effort into the look you know of of these rituals in the setting 33:03.170 --> 33:12.510 essentially um and essentially they uh you know I was seated on a chair um off to I guess if you're 33:12.510 --> 33:19.330 facing the stage off to the right um of of the uh of the altar and you know one of the 33:19.330 --> 33:24.150 black mothers that had been with me you know she goes out and basically is announcing to this 33:24.150 --> 33:29.250 crowd of people that they're all here for me basically you know that they're here to witness 33:29.250 --> 33:38.130 like and inducting basically of me into all of this you know into this order this cult whatever um 33:38.130 --> 33:43.930 I wasn't paying a kind of attention and alive it doesn't really make sense to me that being 33:43.930 --> 33:48.310 like a toddler but it was very clear that that they were she was saying you know this full 33:48.310 --> 33:55.910 ritual everything that was about who performed was for for me and for um you know I don't know 33:56.710 --> 34:01.730 so in any case you know it's like uh after she finished her like introduction whatever the 34:01.730 --> 34:09.030 crap she was saying um you know they brought me over to the altar um and essentially like 34:09.730 --> 34:17.130 like raped me with this like golden phallus like it was like a small gold penis basically 34:18.710 --> 34:24.630 and you know pretty much you know was saying that it was was representative of like the gods 34:24.630 --> 34:32.950 you know phallus and then uh they essentially like left it in me sorry this is very graphic but I guess 34:32.950 --> 34:37.210 you know this is kind of stuff that I I do try and share my testimony just so people can actually 34:37.210 --> 34:41.630 have like you know we don't talk in general he's here you know at least I don't tend to talk 34:41.630 --> 34:47.970 in general he's too much no it's good lay it all there there yeah so sorry you know but still 34:47.970 --> 34:53.870 apologies to to the viewers I know this stuff can be secondhand traumatizing um and then they 34:53.870 --> 34:59.250 essentially like use like gauze to like wrap me up like a mummy basically with this thing still in 34:59.250 --> 35:05.730 still inside me um like I said I was a toddler at this point um and then they like removed once 35:05.730 --> 35:09.330 I was all wrapped up you know they removed me from the altar and then sent me back on the 35:09.330 --> 35:17.150 seat at the side of the stage and essentially after that um they brought in the the sacrifice victims 35:17.150 --> 35:24.070 which was three little girls that were my same age essentially um and they brought in these like 35:24.750 --> 35:30.390 brute type guys that were very like I don't even know like cone in the barbarian dress you know 35:30.390 --> 35:38.430 very like loinclothi just whatever um large muscular guys um and they proceeded to like 35:39.030 --> 35:47.190 basically gain rape one girl at a time you know until like and brutalize her until she had like 35:47.190 --> 35:52.530 you know had died had passed away you know um on the altar and then they would um they would 35:52.530 --> 35:59.230 pick up the body and they would put on the lap of the um of the bullheaded god essentially 35:59.230 --> 36:04.630 and then they would bring out the next one and then you know rinse and rinse and repeat you know um 36:04.630 --> 36:11.890 until they had you know three of these little girls bodies stacked on um on this you know the lap 36:11.890 --> 36:18.390 of this god um essentially and there was like a small kind of like bull type construction that was 36:18.390 --> 36:26.390 kind of collecting any blood that was dripping down um from them um and then you know a black 36:26.390 --> 36:31.570 mother you know a black robed priestess type person went out you know and kind of concluded 36:31.570 --> 36:38.950 the ritual uh essentially and everyone filed filed back out um so then we were alone again 36:38.950 --> 36:44.730 in this in this room and at that point they you know they they picked me up and carried me to 36:44.730 --> 36:50.850 the opposite end of the room where there was that dais with the sarcophagus in it um and one 36:50.850 --> 36:57.630 of them brought essentially like a a little saucer little bowl of the blood from the altar 36:57.630 --> 37:04.430 essentially um and then that sarcophagus had you know maybe like a couple feet of water 37:04.430 --> 37:11.390 in it um and almost like some kind of like ropes draped against it um and so they basically 37:11.390 --> 37:19.530 like stood me at the edge of that of that sarcophagus and then uh dripped some of the blood 37:19.530 --> 37:24.670 in it and then like and then basically like pushed me in you know and I was completely bound so there 37:24.670 --> 37:31.030 was no ability for me to like you know do anything other than you know just you know basically be on 37:31.030 --> 37:38.170 the order of drowning um essentially and they used the ropes to kind of like quickly like 37:38.170 --> 37:44.630 haul me back up before um I did drown and they just started like rapid fire asked me these 37:44.630 --> 37:48.850 questions you know that didn't really make any sense to me and I was behaving like anyone would 37:48.850 --> 37:54.810 imagine a toddler would in this situation where I was I was crying and sobbing and freaking out and 37:54.810 --> 38:02.090 gasping for air and didn't answer any questions they were asking of me and then so then they would 38:02.090 --> 38:07.930 proceed to like dunk me back back in essentially and it happened I don't know how many times you 38:07.930 --> 38:12.390 know where like they pull me up you know before I drowned and then they would ask me these questions 38:12.390 --> 38:18.690 and then you know I'm freaking out and then push me back in um and at a certain point essentially 38:18.690 --> 38:26.130 like when they had pushed me back into the water there was like a moment of um 38:27.070 --> 38:32.470 feeling like there was like there was almost like another another consciousness or something 38:32.470 --> 38:39.170 like in in my body basically to where it's like I was in the water but I was completely still 38:39.170 --> 38:45.750 I was not afraid you know and it was almost like my eyes just kind of like snapped open 38:46.270 --> 38:53.270 and I just like glared you know I was just like out of like like how dare you type of 38:53.270 --> 38:58.090 like type of feeling you know and that time when they when they pulled me out of the water 38:58.090 --> 39:07.450 basically um can you hear my dog should I go get her now or yeah okay um she's she's in a 39:07.450 --> 39:15.410 in her in her little little comfy spot right now so um but essentially that last time that they 39:15.410 --> 39:21.170 pulled me out they started asking me questions and I was I was able to respond to them and they 39:21.170 --> 39:26.850 you know they were happy about this essentially and they proceeded to like you know pull me 39:26.850 --> 39:32.310 out of the water um they wrapped like a big kind of like fluffy blanket around me and there 39:32.310 --> 39:39.310 was a chair off to the side of the sarcophagus as well um and they sat me on there they put like a 39:39.830 --> 39:44.670 and this is kind of some stuff I've seen almost from like an outer body perspective you know is that 39:44.670 --> 39:49.710 like you know my eyes were like white were like rolled back but it's like I wasn't blinking at all 39:49.710 --> 39:55.590 so they would put this like wet kind of like rag or whatever because my eyes don't dry out I don't 39:55.590 --> 40:00.470 know that speculation you know but in every ritual that I was performing that channeling 40:00.470 --> 40:05.250 role from then on it was always the same scenario basically where it's like I would have my head 40:05.250 --> 40:11.050 dunked in water mixed with blood um and it would create this switch essentially and then you know 40:11.050 --> 40:16.970 I'd be seated on a throne they would you know wrap me in a blanket and put this like um white 40:16.970 --> 40:26.150 dots I don't know blindfold over me and then ask ask some questions so let me ask you something 40:26.150 --> 40:33.830 about that because I think that's a that's something isn't talked about a lot by survivors but 40:33.830 --> 40:41.730 first of all I want to sort of um highlight the fact that the training in any kind of 40:41.730 --> 40:48.770 training for us at first as children were screaming or crying we're freaking out 40:49.250 --> 40:58.710 but they keep repeating the torture until we learn to stop stop doing that right and that's part of 40:58.710 --> 41:03.690 for example the beta sex kitten training because pedophiles don't want children that are crying and 41:03.690 --> 41:09.810 screaming to rape they want sexualized children that seem like they like it so part of the 41:09.810 --> 41:17.630 training is to train out of us our natural responses of fear or distress or whatever 41:17.630 --> 41:25.490 and make us kind of I don't know numb or like function as if this weren't a disturbing horrible 41:25.490 --> 41:35.230 thing right so I want to point out that but then secondly what you're saying is you were tortured 41:35.230 --> 41:42.770 to the point that some kind of dimensional thing happened where now you were able to 41:42.770 --> 41:50.350 channel some entities through your vessel and it sounds like that was the intent they 41:50.350 --> 41:59.650 so you have channeled before so talk a little bit about that because I'm well aware from my own 41:59.650 --> 42:07.270 experiences underneath the Vatican I have seen portals I have seen entities come in I have 42:07.270 --> 42:16.190 seen entities and have it bodies I have channeled myself so I don't usually talk about this because 42:16.190 --> 42:22.730 what we do share is so like out there enough but let's go there because I think that that's really 42:23.610 --> 42:28.890 that's interesting and important for people to understand yeah it's probably the area that 42:28.890 --> 42:33.430 I have the most difficulty talking about in like the advocacy and stuff because I feel like 42:33.430 --> 42:37.210 there's so much important knowledge there that I'm trying to get out just when it comes to the 42:37.210 --> 42:42.730 trafficking or the ritual abuse or stuff that we start getting into these areas that require some 42:42.730 --> 42:48.330 sort of like spiritual understanding or belief you know it's the kind of thing that to some people 42:48.330 --> 42:54.450 can to them invalidate all of the rest of your testimony basically because it's something they 42:54.450 --> 42:58.910 don't believe in or it's something that they feel like is way too fantastical and if this is 42:58.910 --> 43:02.590 experience that seems like this person has had like obviously they're just crazy 43:03.630 --> 43:10.770 none of the things they're saying happen so that's 100% you know yeah I tiptoe around it 43:10.770 --> 43:15.970 especially on podcasts where it's like people are less familiar with this stuff because I just 43:15.970 --> 43:21.570 want to really get out the information that you know can create some difference in the world 43:21.570 --> 43:26.570 you know but ultimately yeah this is probably why I love being on your podcast and being able 43:26.570 --> 43:30.630 to you know have these discussions you know with another survivor that's experienced these 43:30.630 --> 43:37.310 things because you know I I still don't have all of the answers with stuff I just have my experiences 43:37.310 --> 43:43.350 and I you know to me it's like sometimes the jury's still out a little bit like I pretty much come 43:43.350 --> 43:50.450 down on these situations on the side of two things you know I feel like we as human beings 43:50.450 --> 43:59.990 have a lot more abilities than people recognize that sometimes this stuff might not necessarily be 44:00.610 --> 44:07.930 actually channeling an outside entity but can also maybe just be ourselves as you know the solution 44:07.930 --> 44:13.770 part of survival you know tapping into the akashic records or other you know side type things 44:14.490 --> 44:20.290 or you know alternatively you know that and that's where I'm honest that I'm still on the fence 44:20.290 --> 44:26.090 about you know alternatively like yes there are these entities and this is these you know 44:26.090 --> 44:30.990 psychopathic groups you know cult groups are looking to seek contact with them and 44:30.990 --> 44:36.650 they've found you know these ways through traumatizing children to access these like 44:36.650 --> 44:42.770 lower dimensional entities basically you know that you know that are drawn to the trauma 44:42.770 --> 44:49.290 are drawn to this and they're you know willing to work with them through the cult members essentially 44:49.290 --> 44:57.270 and the main reason that I I kind of come on more that side of it is that I've done a lot 44:57.270 --> 45:03.810 of healing and I'm not I'm not done so any stretch of by any stretch of the imagination 45:03.810 --> 45:10.750 but I mean I at this point you know many years and I've gotten you know pretty good at 45:10.750 --> 45:16.030 understanding you know that pretty much all parts I've dealt with of myself you know evil 45:16.030 --> 45:21.610 parts etc are parts of myself you know and they're like there's a way to heal them and to 45:21.610 --> 45:28.450 to you know get through the amnesia and all of this kind of stuff except with the channeled 45:28.450 --> 45:34.010 material you know that that is one thing that I've like I've always noticed is like that you 45:34.010 --> 45:38.630 know yes I do I you know have communication with the parts that you know felt like they were 45:38.630 --> 45:44.910 the channelers etc you know we've done a lot of a lot of healing but the amnesic barriers have 45:44.910 --> 45:51.830 always stayed for like once you know the switch had happened and we were fully in that mode 45:52.350 --> 45:58.030 you know like being able to like recall like I can with photographic detail other memories you 45:58.030 --> 46:02.570 know recall like exactly what questions were asked and exactly what my answers were you know 46:03.210 --> 46:08.070 and on a certain level I think a lot of it is because they were asking me things that you 46:08.070 --> 46:13.030 my child self you know or even as an adult when I was in channeling you they were asking me things 46:13.030 --> 46:21.750 that I would have no knowledge of for sure you know and just you know things that a lot of times 46:21.750 --> 46:26.430 when I was adult too is like really petty stuff basically like most often the regular ritual 46:26.430 --> 46:31.370 that was a part of once a year where this part was called out you know it would be people 46:31.370 --> 46:37.730 asking questions about how to get ahead in business or how to get one over on like a 46:37.730 --> 46:42.130 business or power rival or something you know someone you know something that seems to me very 46:42.130 --> 46:46.330 like petty and materialistic for especially considering all the ritual stuff that goes into 46:47.010 --> 46:50.170 getting these answers it's not like they were asking like the meaning of life 46:50.850 --> 46:57.470 you know what I mean like so um so that's kind of where I do come on the side of 46:57.470 --> 47:04.530 feeling like it's it is more like entity um you know interaction basically where almost they're 47:04.530 --> 47:11.770 you know they're given access to you know your body you know and your consciousness for a certain 47:11.770 --> 47:17.750 amount of time you know to to be able to respond to these things and I pretty much always feel like 47:17.750 --> 47:24.550 with entity involvement that it's always founded on consent and that's a large part of this of 47:24.550 --> 47:29.750 this torturing and the training and everything is because you have to get the child themselves 47:29.750 --> 47:34.370 kind of like you know consenting to be the killer like we talked about in that other memory 47:34.370 --> 47:40.170 you have to get the child themselves to the point where they're you know they're so afraid and so 47:40.170 --> 47:48.350 in like singularly focused on self-preservation that they're willing to say yes and open 47:48.350 --> 47:53.350 themselves up to this outside influence basically and then that's I think that's like the dual 47:53.350 --> 47:57.790 part of the formula of this channeling type stuff is on one hand you have to put the victim 47:57.790 --> 48:04.990 through enough to where their own psyche is willing to say yes and open the door and to this involvement 48:05.510 --> 48:11.390 but then also it's like they themselves know that they have to you know perpetuate all these 48:11.390 --> 48:17.230 horrible things in a ritual to even get the entity interested in being you know there to 48:17.230 --> 48:22.330 like answer the call basically you know that that's like we're talking about not good entities 48:22.330 --> 48:28.250 and we're talking about ones that you know love the pain love the horror and and the blood and all 48:28.250 --> 48:33.170 of this kind of stuff and almost I to me almost feels like you know what you would do is like 48:33.170 --> 48:36.950 sharks you know you throw gum in the water essentially know that you know you're going 48:36.950 --> 48:42.630 to attract you know these these entities that you're seeking to be available so that when 48:42.630 --> 48:47.710 the kid's psyche breaks or splits or whatever they're willing to be like you know like 48:47.710 --> 48:52.610 if it means I'm going to survive like yes you can use my body for the time being so 48:53.130 --> 48:59.250 I don't know if I answered your your question but I you know that's no it that's how it does 48:59.250 --> 49:06.070 and I think it's important because see people don't understand they may understand the 49:06.070 --> 49:11.610 governments and the you know global agencies and the involvements and the scientific part 49:11.610 --> 49:18.070 but what they don't understand and you alluded to this with the coven is how important the black 49:18.070 --> 49:26.470 magic aspect of all of this is to the cult and I have seen rituals where entities where people want 49:26.470 --> 49:34.210 to be possessed by these entities and see a lot of these people like say some certain royals or 49:34.210 --> 49:40.710 certain high people in positions of power it's very possible that some of these people 49:40.710 --> 49:47.890 are no longer human in the sense that they're a human vessel but they're actually channelling 49:47.890 --> 49:55.230 interdimensional demonic entities and this is why they can do things that are so inhuman 49:55.230 --> 50:02.950 that people can't believe these things actually occur because they're not human and I don't know 50:02.950 --> 50:08.330 okay this is just my own theory but when I was a kid I read a lot in order to survive 50:08.890 --> 50:16.490 and I had I had a phase where I loved Greek mythology and my theory is that the so-called 50:16.490 --> 50:23.690 bloodline families are what in Greek mythology you know they say the gods rape the human women 50:23.690 --> 50:29.470 and produce the race of demigods well I think those bloodline families are so protective of 50:29.470 --> 50:38.510 their bloodlines because they are those demigods they are these hybrids and perhaps more able to 50:38.510 --> 50:46.410 invite entity possession just by the virtue of their genetics right so this is something that's 50:46.410 --> 50:53.690 used a lot and occurs a lot and I think it's just important to mention I think the covens are 50:53.690 --> 51:01.010 pretty high up in the hierarchy I think higher up than governments higher up than militaries 51:01.010 --> 51:07.770 or global agencies and so this is a big part of all of this so I think it's really important to 51:07.770 --> 51:15.610 mention you know and you know the Jesuits you know the the people in the Vatican all the sacrifices 51:15.610 --> 51:25.190 I saw they were in homage to Lucifer Lucifer requires sacrifice all the time and according to 51:25.190 --> 51:30.970 them it's so that he can come and you know save humanity with the light that he brings to the 51:30.970 --> 51:39.390 world and all this kind of thing but this is one of the main reasons for sacrifice and bloodshed 51:39.390 --> 51:47.110 which for example and on a collective level we have war those are big sacrificial rituals you know 51:47.110 --> 51:53.010 vaccination is a big sacrifice ritual you know many many children are killed by this and and in the 51:53.010 --> 52:01.210 latest few years a lot more people sacrifice of people for adults you know apparent sacrificing 52:01.210 --> 52:07.190 their kids you know by yes yes it's it's just like and you're and with mohawk you know 52:07.190 --> 52:13.570 this is an ancient cult they've been sacrificing children for a long time it just went underground 52:13.570 --> 52:20.090 quite literally under the ground right and all these underground facilities but yeah so when you 52:20.090 --> 52:28.290 were describing the bull effigy in in that ritual that's mohawk so in older in ancient times they 52:28.290 --> 52:34.830 would have a bull like kind of bronze structure they would put a fire under it to heat it 52:34.830 --> 52:39.190 up and they had a little door and they put a live baby in there to incinerate it and burn it up 52:39.190 --> 52:46.830 right so these sacrifices have been going on for a long time and then the sacrifices the literal 52:46.830 --> 52:51.870 rituals we've seen with children and animals and sometimes adult sacrifice are are hidden 52:52.450 --> 52:57.870 but the other kinds of sacrifices are not hidden like how many people are killed in wars 52:57.870 --> 53:06.430 how many people are killed by engineered scarcity and poverty and hunger and big pharma right and 53:06.430 --> 53:14.110 big events like 9 11 or you know so there's satanic rituals happening collectively all the time and it 53:14.110 --> 53:21.270 is about sacrifice and it is about you know these people they get their their their power is is 53:21.270 --> 53:29.530 there is ends at ego so you know hollywood people have said on camera i sold my soul to the devil for 53:29.530 --> 53:36.430 my fame you know so they they will their level is fame power money they can't go higher because 53:36.430 --> 53:42.890 their service to self so it ends you know but this is one of their big things that they do 53:42.890 --> 53:53.270 you know and and that's how these entities can exist in this realm yeah 100 you know and 53:53.950 --> 53:59.930 to me to me it makes a lot of sense because i think it's a lot of like what you know yeah money is 53:59.930 --> 54:06.030 great you know power through resource control and all this stuff is is great but i think ultimately 54:06.030 --> 54:14.470 like what um you know what the cult you know over you know at this point you know a couple thousand 54:14.470 --> 54:19.370 and years you know that you know and it's become more and more like kind of centralized in different 54:19.370 --> 54:24.990 sectors of like the glow of like the globe you know working together essentially at at this 54:24.990 --> 54:32.130 point um you know that really like the ultimate like what they understand or what they value as 54:32.130 --> 54:38.570 like the the ultimate tool of power is the black magic stuff it is you know it is all of this it 54:38.570 --> 54:45.570 is the thing that they feel like um gives them the upper hand in maintaining and concentrating 54:45.570 --> 54:50.970 and perpetuating their their control over everything and their power um you know many people know 54:50.970 --> 54:55.250 like you know mill ages or different shit like that like renaissance times i don't even know 54:55.250 --> 55:03.070 that they were you know outlying you know astrology or sustain or all that kind of stuff you know but 55:03.070 --> 55:09.690 that the the royals like a hundred percent always had like those people on staff you know um and that 55:09.690 --> 55:15.730 it's it's to me it is a lot of like why they've been able to maintain so much control for so long 55:15.730 --> 55:25.050 is is because they have access to knowledge and abilities that the rest of the world 55:26.410 --> 55:34.210 doesn't essentially you know there's a lot of like you know alternative history or like you 55:34.210 --> 55:38.550 know i don't even know i hate using the word conspiracy you know but those kind of podcasts 55:38.550 --> 55:44.730 and stuff that are really exposing you know the psychopaths and the parasite class and how 55:44.730 --> 55:50.210 how all of this you know stuff is like really molded humanity for a long period of time and they 55:50.210 --> 55:55.030 there's a lot of times where they get into like gematria and like seeing you know the way certain 55:55.030 --> 56:01.790 events line up with like um astrological aspects or you know numerology and using you know certain 56:01.790 --> 56:07.110 numbers and all these crazies coincidences that they're like how is it that like a person you 56:07.110 --> 56:13.410 know where people could even craft these events to have so much um synchronicity in them you 56:13.410 --> 56:18.390 know and that's on a certain level why they have so much power you know with these especially with 56:18.390 --> 56:23.170 these like worldwide rituals like war or false flag events and everything but i think what they're 56:23.170 --> 56:27.650 missing is is this darker cult side of things yeah like you're saying you know that well these 56:27.650 --> 56:32.150 people yeah they have all the money and all the power but ultimately they also have like 56:32.150 --> 56:36.870 you know they're working with entities that are outside of time and space and have 56:36.870 --> 56:42.650 all this knowledge essentially of like how to line things up and craft things in a way 56:42.650 --> 56:47.890 that unless you were involved with it you would never you would never really conceptualize or 56:47.890 --> 56:52.510 understand or anything so it's like it feels like oh there's no way that they could have 56:52.510 --> 56:56.450 crafted all of these things to line up so perfectly and it's like yeah but if you are 56:56.450 --> 57:03.810 working with you know entities that are outside you know of of our physical plane you know the 57:03.810 --> 57:09.350 a lot of times that is what they they know and have access to is this uh you know a very 57:09.350 --> 57:16.190 uh large-scale perspective and knowledge you know of many things that allows them to essentially 57:16.190 --> 57:21.190 you know line things up in the right way to make them the most impactful and the most powerful 57:21.190 --> 57:27.050 and to get the outcomes they want um that being said when we talk about these things 57:27.050 --> 57:34.750 whenever i talk about these things i always like to um not give them too much power i guess 57:34.750 --> 57:40.510 you know because because on a certain level like black magic is incredibly powerful but 57:40.510 --> 57:47.130 it's still second to the power of good and creation you know um which is why i think they do 57:47.130 --> 57:53.330 so much to try and stack things in their favor because they know that the trend in existence is 57:53.330 --> 57:57.990 is to be moving towards progress to be moving towards good so they're trying to do whatever 57:57.990 --> 58:03.410 they can to avoid their karma and to maintain their power and everything um and that's one 58:03.410 --> 58:08.410 thing i do like to bring up a lot of times with people is like they're not all powerful if so 58:08.410 --> 58:13.250 survivors like you and me wouldn't exist you know like like despite everything that they did 58:13.250 --> 58:18.450 we got to a point at which we were able you know because we had maintained our connection with 58:18.450 --> 58:26.750 like you know god creator good whatever someone wants to interpret it as you know that essentially 58:26.750 --> 58:32.890 you know we were able to maintain that connection and that connection is part of what what was 58:32.890 --> 58:39.470 able to despite everything they did and you know still get give us enough of um a lifeline 58:39.470 --> 58:45.190 to pull ourselves out of it and and to heal and i see that with the world as a whole as well you 58:45.190 --> 58:50.250 know that um i always give the example of like my hunter tracker training that i had that was 58:50.810 --> 58:56.590 basically instilled in me goes back to the kennel also where um that was the soldier training 58:56.590 --> 59:03.270 i had alluded to earlier and like the wolf training basically that um part of my training when i was 59:03.270 --> 59:09.310 in the kennel was with two other boys and we were um supposed to be kind of like child soldiers 59:10.090 --> 59:14.410 kind of like seeing ourselves as like a wolf pack type of thing and like learning how to like 59:14.990 --> 59:19.890 perform military ops and work together and everything um but a lot of that training like 59:19.890 --> 59:24.430 especially with like my wolf altars went into the hunter tracker training which was 59:24.430 --> 59:31.870 essentially like laying the groundwork for parts of me that would you know for them it was you know 59:31.870 --> 59:36.230 this fantasy you know that they still maintain you know that there's going to be a point at which 59:36.230 --> 59:41.450 they can really pull the trigger and have like a totalitarian totalitarian state on the whole 59:41.450 --> 59:45.730 world basically and that everyone will be their slaves you know they won't have to you know 59:45.730 --> 59:49.550 do all this stuff in secret anymore that it's just going to be the point at which you know 59:49.550 --> 59:53.450 that it's going to be hell on earth basically you know and everyone is going to be under their 59:53.450 --> 01:00:03.170 control um and that basically all of that training was so that i could um i could be sent out you know 01:00:03.170 --> 01:00:06.590 once they pulled the trigger you know once the black awakening happened once they pulled the 01:00:06.590 --> 01:00:11.010 trigger and you know they were locking down cities and throwing people in concentration 01:00:11.010 --> 01:00:15.770 camps and you know taking all the centers and executing them or put it you know locking 01:00:15.770 --> 01:00:21.150 them up or stuff rounding them up that at that point you know they knew that there would be many 01:00:21.150 --> 01:00:25.890 people that would be you know running to the hills you know running to the wilderness running 01:00:25.890 --> 01:00:30.530 you know trying to flee the cities where their power is the most concentrated and trying to like 01:00:30.530 --> 01:00:35.330 either you know problem i mean trying to establish something outside of that society but 01:00:35.330 --> 01:00:40.350 this was really from for early on when you just had refugees basically like out you know 01:00:40.350 --> 01:00:48.710 in the mountains essentially and i was trained to essentially be you know um directed to an 01:00:48.710 --> 01:00:57.070 area where they would have determined that there's a refugee group excuse me um and what what i my goal 01:00:57.070 --> 01:01:03.950 you know what my purpose was was that i would um i would track down the group and i would essentially 01:01:03.950 --> 01:01:13.610 assess the size of the group if it was a small group you know like two three mostly less than 01:01:13.610 --> 01:01:21.370 three people um then i was supposed to stay hidden out of sight and stalk them until you know i could 01:01:21.370 --> 01:01:29.490 essentially at one point when they're asleep um going to kill them essentially um but if it was 01:01:29.490 --> 01:01:36.550 a group that was larger than three people then i was supposed to get to the group and then i was 01:01:36.550 --> 01:01:42.030 supposed to stumble into camp with like this like lame duck scenario where i was you know i was 01:01:42.030 --> 01:01:47.070 freaking out acting like a completely just another refugee that you know had just stumbled 01:01:47.070 --> 01:01:53.810 into them and was just looking for people to be with and everything um or to you know intentionally 01:01:53.810 --> 01:01:58.210 hurt myself because it's like another thing you know to like so that i could be stumbling to camp 01:01:58.210 --> 01:02:02.910 like you know with like this superficial injury you know to really get put on this like lame 01:02:02.910 --> 01:02:10.990 duck act essentially and then um to assess the size of the group the the main thing for them was 01:02:10.990 --> 01:02:15.890 that they wanted the adults dead if they were refugees because they already assumed that they're 01:02:15.890 --> 01:02:22.070 not really usable um but if they were children they wanted the children brought back essentially 01:02:22.070 --> 01:02:29.170 so my whole thing would be to spend whatever time i needed to infiltrate the group to understand 01:02:29.170 --> 01:02:35.050 hierarchy of the group um use whatever i needed you know if it was you know if it was sexual 01:02:35.050 --> 01:02:42.630 if it was becoming you know useful to the group as like um by like cooking or hunting or you know 01:02:42.630 --> 01:02:48.490 just being like uh you know a leader in some fashion you know providing services to the group 01:02:48.490 --> 01:02:54.730 so that people really trusted me um and then i would you know look for an opportune time to 01:02:54.730 --> 01:02:59.650 do the exact same thing i'd said before you know an opportune time to basically you know have 01:02:59.650 --> 01:03:07.090 everyone be asleep and to be in the role of just walking around and like splitting everyone's 01:03:07.090 --> 01:03:15.590 all the adults' throats you know at night time um and then in the morning when the kids wake up 01:03:15.590 --> 01:03:21.210 and see you know all of the parents dead and everything and are completely traumatized 01:03:21.210 --> 01:03:26.510 themselves i'm the last you know i'm the last adult alive to basically be like all right kids 01:03:26.510 --> 01:03:32.050 we've got to you know we've got to go to safety you know and to basically be you know in in the 01:03:32.050 --> 01:03:38.490 role of you know having larger kids carrying babies or smaller kids and stuff like that and 01:03:38.490 --> 01:03:44.330 and basically be like marching them back out of wherever they were at and to like a rendezvous 01:03:44.330 --> 01:03:49.930 point um where they could all be picked up you know the kids could get you know could get 01:03:49.930 --> 01:03:55.230 programmed essentially um and then i would be you know sent out to the next refugee group 01:03:55.230 --> 01:04:01.930 you know and the reason i bring this up is because um like this programming for me 01:04:01.930 --> 01:04:09.170 was supposed to um was supposed to come into effect when i was like 24 basically um right 01:04:09.170 --> 01:04:13.050 around the time actually that i got i started getting sober and started healing and everything 01:04:13.050 --> 01:04:17.150 like that but the initial program they put in when i was like you know six years old 01:04:17.990 --> 01:04:22.170 was was that that was their timeline you know that by the time i was 24 01:04:22.170 --> 01:04:29.750 that this would be a role that i would have for the cult later on once this section area was done 01:04:29.750 --> 01:04:35.950 i had been picked to be part of like the hierarchy to be like a um i don't know they were going to 01:04:35.950 --> 01:04:42.610 split the split the you know us up into really small parcels and have like a king and queen that 01:04:42.610 --> 01:04:48.150 were overseeing it you know for the cult and so i had been chosen to be one of those people 01:04:48.150 --> 01:04:54.250 that was just going to help you know rule our territory with like a chosen you know king type guy 01:04:54.250 --> 01:05:01.110 that you know we rule with an iron fist and that you know by the time i was like 35 i would um 01:05:01.110 --> 01:05:09.230 voluntarily be you know training my replacement queen and then like willingly go to sacrifice 01:05:09.230 --> 01:05:14.950 which is something that many um you know and we'll have bred a couple of kids as well um prior 01:05:14.950 --> 01:05:19.530 to that and which is something that's very common for like what i've come to understand with like 01:05:19.530 --> 01:05:24.130 mother of darkness programming and stuff is that at a certain point you know you're supposed to 01:05:24.130 --> 01:05:29.990 willingly go to the sacrifice once you're in adulthood at some point depending on 01:05:30.810 --> 01:05:35.150 how where you are in the hierarchy i'd think deferments how old you're allowed to get to 01:05:35.150 --> 01:05:42.670 but that essentially you know like i would be passing on my my power my tile etc um so but 01:05:42.670 --> 01:05:47.590 the main reason i i bring it up you know sorry long winded tangent is just because like that's a 01:05:47.590 --> 01:05:53.290 lot of times what i point out to people is that that was 13 years ago that this nwo takeover 01:05:53.290 --> 01:06:01.910 at least in my program was supposed to happen um i'm 37 now so um to show that they have a lot of 01:06:01.910 --> 01:06:07.470 goals and ideas about the point at which they're going to be able to be the ones that are all 01:06:07.470 --> 01:06:12.830 powerful and in control and what i see consistently is like despite everything they're doing to the 01:06:12.830 --> 01:06:19.850 world or to individuals like us you know that it the timeline that they're into cons consistently 01:06:19.850 --> 01:06:24.730 gets pushed back you know it's like that that there is always this pushback you know from 01:06:24.730 --> 01:06:29.310 you know things that they can't control you know which is just people just channeling 01:06:29.310 --> 01:06:34.350 their inner goodness you know and and being good human beings and being connected to empathy 01:06:34.350 --> 01:06:41.490 and compassion and god and everything that really um you know is you know there there is this other 01:06:42.030 --> 01:06:46.190 force that is much more powerful you know and despite all the things they're doing you know 01:06:46.190 --> 01:06:51.030 they haven't succeeded yet and my personal belief is you know it won't get worse before it gets 01:06:51.030 --> 01:06:57.390 better but my personal belief is that it they're not going to succeed in the long run um but 01:06:57.390 --> 01:07:02.330 you know so i know reason to brought up like i said is because it's very easy i think especially 01:07:02.330 --> 01:07:08.250 people outside of this situation to be like oh my god like how can we have a hope you know if they 01:07:08.250 --> 01:07:12.130 have this much wealth they have this much power they have this much control and they have black 01:07:12.130 --> 01:07:19.190 magic you know like how how can we stand a chance you know but no that's yeah that's that's really 01:07:19.190 --> 01:07:27.830 and i 100 agree and you know i talk about this a lot think of the amount of resources time energy 01:07:28.590 --> 01:07:36.690 that they have put into mind controlling human beings you know whether it's through the use of trauma 01:07:36.690 --> 01:07:41.930 collectively or individually whether it's you know poisoning our bodies with the 01:07:41.930 --> 01:07:47.750 farmers and the poisoned food and air and water which then weakens the mind with the propaganda 01:07:47.750 --> 01:07:53.390 that you get when you go to school and through the educational system and the media there's a 01:07:53.390 --> 01:07:58.070 lot you know then not to mention the technology and the frequencies and the things they can pull 01:07:58.070 --> 01:08:04.910 sat us that's a lot and then add the black magic that you just talked about right so that's a lot 01:08:04.910 --> 01:08:12.230 to keep us in very reduced consciousness to keep us mind controlled but it is not 01:08:12.750 --> 01:08:19.690 foolproof because here i am and here you are and we've been put through that and we broke out of 01:08:19.690 --> 01:08:26.090 it and are speaking out right and no matter what they do they have to constantly do more and more 01:08:26.090 --> 01:08:34.030 and more of it with people they have to reprogram us or try to you know so there so no we are by our 01:08:34.030 --> 01:08:41.150 very essence way more powerful than them because they reach ego but we are connected to the creator 01:08:41.150 --> 01:08:48.810 to the source to god to the life force right so they have also taught missed taught us taught 01:08:48.810 --> 01:08:54.390 us you know that the whole Darwin theory of evolution you know oh we just come from animals 01:08:54.390 --> 01:09:02.930 were no we are actually divine beings in a human body in a material world and when we recover that 01:09:02.930 --> 01:09:09.890 ability that we naturally have to connect to that so just as much as they you were forced to 01:09:09.890 --> 01:09:16.990 channel these negative entities we are connected to the benefit to the creator itself that's 01:09:16.990 --> 01:09:25.570 you know an open doorway there so we absolutely that's what they're scared of that we will remember 01:09:25.570 --> 01:09:32.390 who we are and the abilities that we have because once that happens they don't stand a chance the 01:09:32.390 --> 01:09:38.830 whole way that they've operated is to use trauma and mind control us and abuse us and 01:09:38.830 --> 01:09:45.330 keep us in survival with the economy with everything because survival if you look at 01:09:45.330 --> 01:09:52.670 Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs you can't go achieve your potential if you're constantly in 01:09:52.670 --> 01:09:59.430 survival if you don't have enough food or water or you know safety well because of the minute we 01:09:59.430 --> 01:10:07.910 go beyond that that's the end for them so we absolutely are way more powerful they don't 01:10:07.910 --> 01:10:14.090 want us to know that and they want to keep us on the survival hamster wheel precisely because 01:10:14.090 --> 01:10:19.850 of that and I agree with you the timeline but I want I want to point out for people in case you 01:10:19.850 --> 01:10:28.810 missed it with what you just said Kerry the forethought I mean they trained you to do this 01:10:28.810 --> 01:10:34.570 where you would go out into the woods and find the people that knew better and escaped that 01:10:34.570 --> 01:10:40.290 those you know those concentration camps also sometimes known as 15 minute cities today 01:10:41.570 --> 01:10:49.430 way when you were a little kid they have been planning for this agenda for a long time it's 01:10:49.430 --> 01:10:57.150 drip drip drip to get there but guess what it's failing with the whole COVID thing they you know 01:10:57.150 --> 01:11:03.310 that's what it stands for certificate of vaccination ID and I believe they tried to 01:11:03.310 --> 01:11:08.510 get us to repeat that word it's a coronavirus to repeat that word because it's it's a spell 01:11:08.510 --> 01:11:14.270 like it they wanted to that to happen well that didn't happen they had to let go of that whole 01:11:14.270 --> 01:11:18.650 program because didn't I mean it didn't really take and I think they're lying about how many 01:11:18.650 --> 01:11:25.190 people took that thing right so everything they've tried to do was supposed to have been done 01:11:25.190 --> 01:11:31.090 you know oh we're we're going to be in total digital currency and complete well yeah we are 01:11:31.090 --> 01:11:36.950 being surveilled massively but we're not in those things yet and I believe me if they 01:11:36.950 --> 01:11:43.470 could have done it we would be there it was supposed to have been done and I see the narrative 01:11:43.470 --> 01:11:51.550 breaking down I see I don't see it succeeding but like you said it's pretty nasty you know all 01:11:51.550 --> 01:11:57.190 these floods and fires and weather warfare that they do and you know they're doing really 01:11:57.190 --> 01:12:03.730 nasty things but it's not going to work it's not going to work to do what they finally want 01:12:03.730 --> 01:12:09.470 to do and ironically a lot of these events have actually woken more people up you know 01:12:09.470 --> 01:12:15.170 so I'm very very optimistic as well and we are connected to that and I survived by being connected 01:12:15.170 --> 01:12:23.790 to the being that's often called Jesus I call him Yeshua um I had I was always seeing him when 01:12:23.790 --> 01:12:31.710 I was in the cages or you know in the in like in and out of consciousness or sometimes when I 01:12:31.710 --> 01:12:37.630 was killed and left my body I would have conversations before I would come back and 01:12:37.630 --> 01:12:46.470 that light is and that connection is what sustained me and I kept remembering oh I came here 01:12:47.090 --> 01:12:53.430 you know we're we've been in a spiritual war and I think to me I in you know when you're of a 01:12:53.430 --> 01:12:58.470 higher dimensional reality you know there's negative beings but there's beautiful positive 01:12:58.470 --> 01:13:05.250 beings too you can't interfere in a planet that's undergoing you know this kind of spiritual war 01:13:05.250 --> 01:13:14.550 but you can incarnate as a human and you can incarnate into the dark places where the enemy 01:13:14.550 --> 01:13:21.510 is doing their thing like you did like I did and you can go through that experience and 01:13:21.510 --> 01:13:27.810 then you can heal from it and come out the other end and expose it and that's what we're doing 01:13:28.470 --> 01:13:35.150 and how many survivors there's 50 voices there's much more than 50 voices their survivors just 01:13:35.830 --> 01:13:42.410 recovering their memories left right in center well that tells me right there it's game over 01:13:42.410 --> 01:13:48.070 for them so I totally I just I share your optimism it's it's like there's a fine line we have to 01:13:48.070 --> 01:13:54.710 know so that we can be defended against it like if you know about mind control you're less 01:13:54.710 --> 01:14:01.770 susceptible to it right but at the same time there's a message of great hope and light because 01:14:02.210 --> 01:14:05.050 I think we already won this spiritual war 01:14:06.990 --> 01:14:16.150 I totally agree I mean I totally agree and like it hearing what you just said to me is like so 01:14:17.710 --> 01:14:25.730 encouraging and heartening and and validating really because I you know we're talking about the 01:14:25.730 --> 01:14:30.350 Lulu stuff this episode anyway which is nice to be able to just talk about it like plainly 01:14:30.850 --> 01:14:36.210 and openly I mean not being like you know giving caveats and all this stuff you know hoping 01:14:36.210 --> 01:14:42.210 not to like you know scare off you know the viewers that might not have as much understanding 01:14:42.210 --> 01:14:48.090 of like spiritual matters I guess or as much faith but I mean people are they're getting there 01:14:48.950 --> 01:14:55.150 just because the way you talk about you know that you were you know intentionally from like a an 01:14:55.150 --> 01:15:02.250 outside your incarnation perspective that you were intentionally born behind enemy lines to 01:15:02.250 --> 01:15:08.630 you know to almost be you know an infiltrator and everything because that's like that's you 01:15:08.630 --> 01:15:14.170 know that's maybe the most woo part of my story that has been a huge part of my story my healing 01:15:14.170 --> 01:15:20.470 and I've talked about a few times on podcasts where I feel comfortable is that you know that's 01:15:21.450 --> 01:15:27.050 when I was in like the darkest part it feels like of my healing where I was really trying to 01:15:28.510 --> 01:15:35.790 start processing the perpetration and like the ritual use the butcher stuff you know like 01:15:35.790 --> 01:15:43.790 early like core events like that were very you know just where I was subjected to the worst things 01:15:44.510 --> 01:15:51.850 when I was like four when I first moved to to Texas subjected to the worst things myself that 01:15:51.850 --> 01:15:56.410 were meant to imprint you know this internal prison but also just like witnessing you know 01:15:56.410 --> 01:16:04.070 horrible things you know children being ripped apart by dogs or you know set on fire or 01:16:04.070 --> 01:16:09.590 you know killed with acid or you know one of the most the biggest things for me was 01:16:10.290 --> 01:16:16.410 was being left in like the cell that I would go back to in between these events for that time period 01:16:17.170 --> 01:16:23.550 you know had like a small child in in a cage that was identical to mine but that had that 01:16:23.550 --> 01:16:27.030 had passed away was like a rotting corpse and you could tell they had passed away from like 01:16:27.030 --> 01:16:32.770 starvation and everything and you know just understanding you know how like you know 01:16:33.450 --> 01:16:38.710 abandoned and just you know just sat you know the starvation is one thing but then also just be 01:16:38.710 --> 01:16:43.510 like left a lot left a rot you know like and that was always like a very core memory for me 01:16:43.510 --> 01:16:49.070 and when I was dealing with like a lot of these aspects of my healing and everything like I 01:16:49.070 --> 01:16:54.870 experienced a lot anger towards God you know towards towards you know towards God I remember 01:16:54.870 --> 01:17:01.690 I was dealing with a lot of this like this vision you know whatever that I want to share 01:17:02.270 --> 01:17:06.210 you know in church actually you know because I was healing that was part of my healing is 01:17:06.210 --> 01:17:10.770 I had to I had to heal my relationship with Jesus you know it had been someone that had 01:17:10.770 --> 01:17:17.810 been weaponized against me as a child and it was it was an aspect you know I had a very strong 01:17:18.570 --> 01:17:23.030 faith in general but you know it was an aspect that I needed to get through to really heal 01:17:23.030 --> 01:17:28.450 and at that time you know it's like and just seeing you know Jesus himself you know on the 01:17:28.450 --> 01:17:34.110 on the cross and being you know and there was just a lot anger in me like why is any of this 01:17:34.110 --> 01:17:40.710 even possible like why why is evil allowed to exist to this this degree you know why was 01:17:40.710 --> 01:17:45.710 I allowed to go through this why was you know any of the victims allowed to go through this 01:17:45.710 --> 01:17:50.750 you know and there was just like this like really overwhelming like anger that I had you 01:17:50.750 --> 01:17:56.950 know and I just was like praying for understanding basically and like what I was given was kind of 01:17:56.950 --> 01:18:04.030 like this vision from before I was born essentially and and I I believe in reincarnation this is 01:18:04.030 --> 01:18:08.870 kind of like part of like my story and my understanding of things is that I was able 01:18:08.870 --> 01:18:16.130 to see that like I had I was basically able to see like where I was at before I was incarnated 01:18:16.130 --> 01:18:22.230 in this life and I was I was essentially in the hell realm you know is like I was um I was 01:18:22.890 --> 01:18:30.170 you know fire brimstone on a torture table being tortured by a demon essentially like 01:18:30.850 --> 01:18:37.130 and I was given this vision of like how I had gotten there basically that I had had multiple 01:18:37.130 --> 01:18:43.970 incarnations multiple lives where I essentially like each one I had turned further away from God 01:18:43.970 --> 01:18:49.070 further away from good had you know it started with just self-serving but then essentially it's 01:18:49.070 --> 01:18:53.130 like each lifetime I had kind of like further turned away from that and more solidified 01:18:53.130 --> 01:19:00.370 myself into this identity that the last lifetime that got me there was essentially me being exactly 01:19:00.370 --> 01:19:08.270 like my abusers you know being a complete a complete you know evil psychopath you know um and 01:19:08.270 --> 01:19:16.450 seeing basically that when I was on that torture table that point and in that mindset I was just mad 01:19:16.450 --> 01:19:22.050 you know it was the anger I was like I don't deserve to be here like all I could think about was all 01:19:22.050 --> 01:19:26.330 the pain I was going through because I was being tortured by this demon and I was just like I don't 01:19:26.330 --> 01:19:32.610 deserve this I shouldn't be here you know I was just hey anger and hatred towards God or 01:19:32.610 --> 01:19:38.770 towards whatever it was you know that I was there in that position experiencing so much pain for 01:19:39.430 --> 01:19:44.130 time on unending and because I was in that psychopathic mindset I didn't see any reason 01:19:44.130 --> 01:19:50.550 for me to be there experiencing that basically and there was like this moment that I was like 01:19:50.550 --> 01:19:54.510 laying there and I was just dealing with the anger and dealing with the pain and dealing with 01:19:54.510 --> 01:19:58.550 all that kind of stuff and there was just this little moment where all of a sudden it's 01:19:58.550 --> 01:20:04.910 like I have this glimpse of my life you know of a psychopath before I had ended up died and ended 01:20:04.910 --> 01:20:12.670 up in hell essentially and that glimpse of my life was actually a child that I had abused it I was 01:20:12.670 --> 01:20:19.710 in India basically and there was this little boy that you know was probably like maybe five or six 01:20:19.710 --> 01:20:26.510 years old that um I had I had molested you know I had been a pedophile and I had molested this 01:20:26.510 --> 01:20:34.030 little boy and it's like I just got this very clear image of him and almost like seeing like this like 01:20:34.030 --> 01:20:40.150 flower that was just starting to like bloom and that I was like I had taken that flower that was 01:20:40.150 --> 01:20:43.890 just about to like really sprout and come into his blossom and I had just like plucked it you 01:20:43.890 --> 01:20:48.770 know I had just just grabbed it and just you know for my own needs my own satisfaction you know 01:20:48.770 --> 01:20:54.010 I had just destroyed this kid's life and I just saw like all these like ripples of like his 01:20:54.010 --> 01:21:00.430 whole life of all of the pain that had like that had occurred in his life because of what I had done 01:21:00.430 --> 01:21:05.650 to him and then I saw these ripples of like all of the pain that he had caused in other people's 01:21:05.650 --> 01:21:10.330 lives because of what I had done to him it was like this you know this full experience of like 01:21:10.330 --> 01:21:15.750 karma and how you know how these negative deeds had you know affected so many different people 01:21:15.750 --> 01:21:24.790 negatively and I just remember in that moment that I suddenly you know it was that first time that in 01:21:24.790 --> 01:21:30.910 you know however long I had been in hell it felt like eons you know in that moment I didn't it 01:21:30.910 --> 01:21:36.670 was the first moment I hadn't thought of myself it was like the first moment that I was like I 01:21:36.670 --> 01:21:41.930 stopped thinking about my own suffering and my own you know like I don't deserve to be here 01:21:41.930 --> 01:21:48.110 and not like it's it just wasn't there and all I was thinking about was this child's suffering 01:21:48.110 --> 01:21:56.190 and all the suffering that had come that hadn't come from it essentially and it was like in that 01:21:56.190 --> 01:22:03.810 moment like in that moment it was like I then it was like the damn broke and it was like I 01:22:03.810 --> 01:22:08.010 I stopped thinking about myself I thought about him and then I thought about all my victims 01:22:08.010 --> 01:22:13.750 through multiple lifetimes and really the whole reason that I was there to begin with you know 01:22:14.310 --> 01:22:20.890 and in that moment I felt like I like cried out to God you know I cried out to goodness I cried out 01:22:20.890 --> 01:22:26.750 to the it was like it was this like it was not crying to save myself but just like something 01:22:26.750 --> 01:22:32.010 to make amends for all of the pain is like it was overwhelming all of this pain that I had 01:22:32.010 --> 01:22:38.590 caused other people and I wish just like if there's some power out there that can do 01:22:38.590 --> 01:22:44.750 something to alleviate their pain this is like this is the only story that really gets me every 01:22:44.750 --> 01:22:50.050 time um if there is something out there you know that can help alleviate all of this pain that 01:22:50.050 --> 01:22:56.330 I caused you know I was just so heartbroken you know finally seeing my life through God's 01:22:56.330 --> 01:22:59.890 eyes you know what I mean and I was just like you know I just cried out you know 01:22:59.890 --> 01:23:04.630 was just for this help to be like if there's anything that we can do you know any power 01:23:04.630 --> 01:23:09.710 out there that can stop all of this suffering that I was the cause of like please like let it you 01:23:09.710 --> 01:23:16.390 know like let there be something to help them to save them etc you know and um and it was like 01:23:16.390 --> 01:23:22.750 in that moment it was almost like I was like astraly just taken out of you know my body 01:23:22.750 --> 01:23:29.510 in in hell essentially and was like in this just like you know un uncharacterized just like 01:23:29.510 --> 01:23:35.230 light land with this with this entity you know I mean it feels like he embodies Jesus you know 01:23:35.230 --> 01:23:41.990 and embody like Buddha God you know whatever you want to say um and I felt like I was there 01:23:41.990 --> 01:23:49.390 with him and I was just begging him to you know create some you know some you know do something 01:23:49.390 --> 01:23:55.330 to fix you know to heal all the pain that I had caused and basically I feel like what he presented 01:23:55.330 --> 01:24:00.890 me with was this life this incarnation that I have now you know and that he basically was like 01:24:02.930 --> 01:24:09.530 do you really want to help you know in the way that you that you're saying and I was like yes 01:24:09.530 --> 01:24:15.130 it was like and it wasn't just like a tearful yes it was like a joyful yes it was just so much 01:24:15.130 --> 01:24:20.170 relief that there was something that I could do to help make amends for all of this you know 01:24:20.170 --> 01:24:25.930 and I was like yes anything just like really anything it was like a level of excitement just like 01:24:25.930 --> 01:24:32.310 you know and you know feeling that presence and everything um and basically that's what I was 01:24:32.310 --> 01:24:38.730 what I was shown and told was like you know that you're you're going to incarnate in 01:24:39.330 --> 01:24:44.930 the life that I have now to my psychopathic father that I had to my mom you know who's 01:24:44.930 --> 01:24:50.190 actually been an ally and healing and everything like you're going to be incarnated in this place 01:24:50.190 --> 01:24:54.570 you're going to go through all of this torture you're going to go through all of this but you're 01:24:54.570 --> 01:25:01.110 doing it for two reasons for one because by me taking on that mantle I meant that another soul 01:25:01.110 --> 01:25:06.870 wasn't going to be born into that life and then for two it meant that from like a bigger picture 01:25:06.870 --> 01:25:12.190 thing is kind of like you were saying what made me bring this story up is that you know that 01:25:12.190 --> 01:25:18.950 I was being sent in to be born behind enemy lines so that I could break I could be a break 01:25:18.950 --> 01:25:27.530 in that cycle so that I could I could essentially be a warrior sent in to to then you know expose 01:25:27.530 --> 01:25:33.270 to talk about this to heal from it and to try and help others heal you know that it was it was 01:25:33.270 --> 01:25:38.170 all of this and that basically it's like in that moment I saw all of the torture that I would 01:25:38.170 --> 01:25:43.650 go through and be experiencing and everything and basically was it was it was an excited and 01:25:43.650 --> 01:25:49.330 willing yes it was like if this is what I need to do like I like there was no hesitation there 01:25:49.330 --> 01:25:55.270 that is like that's that's what I sign up for you know what I mean so and it was important to me 01:25:55.270 --> 01:26:01.390 to to have this understanding because it gave context you know to all of the stuff I went 01:26:01.390 --> 01:26:07.150 through in life but also helped me understand that many of the victims you know that I had 01:26:07.150 --> 01:26:12.630 seen that I was so angry about and everything that on a certain level that they had incarnated into 01:26:12.630 --> 01:26:20.850 their lives with that choice as well to be you know to be you know part of you know what was 01:26:20.850 --> 01:26:26.670 moving us towards this like ultimate exposure and end of all of this evil that's occurred for so 01:26:26.670 --> 01:26:33.750 long you know and that you know just like I was being you know held by the father through all 01:26:33.750 --> 01:26:40.630 of this it's like also they were too and so it's like I essentially like had to go back to hell 01:26:40.630 --> 01:26:44.710 until it was my time to incarnate but at that point there was like no more pain it's like 01:26:44.710 --> 01:26:51.290 I was there I was existing but there was like no there there I wasn't feeling the torture that 01:26:51.290 --> 01:26:55.850 was occurring to my body in any of that and it's like a short time later it's like I was 01:26:55.850 --> 01:27:01.390 like you know it's like I was just like blipped out of there and brought to you know be born 01:27:01.390 --> 01:27:07.590 on earth in the body that I have now essentially and then one of my favorite things about the vision 01:27:07.590 --> 01:27:13.890 though was just the fact that it was like as I was like leaving and the and like the the uh 01:27:13.890 --> 01:27:19.450 the demon was like realizing that there was no one on his torture table anymore it's almost like 01:27:19.450 --> 01:27:23.870 he like looked at like the I think he had like a flail in his hand at the time it's like he 01:27:23.870 --> 01:27:29.590 looked at it and it was almost like why am I doing this you know it was almost like it was 01:27:29.590 --> 01:27:33.950 almost like this like contagion like a positive contagion where it's like because I was leaving 01:27:33.950 --> 01:27:38.910 for a positive thing it was almost like the demon that had been torturing me had also had this little 01:27:38.910 --> 01:27:44.310 moment of clarity you know this little moment of like being like like well like why am I doing this 01:27:44.310 --> 01:27:50.770 you know do I want to be doing this so and I and I did experience you know through my life 01:27:52.070 --> 01:27:55.790 you know a couple of times where it was near-death experiences 01:27:56.350 --> 01:28:01.910 um where it's almost like it felt like God checked in with me again you know it's like it's 01:28:01.910 --> 01:28:10.290 like it was a near-death experience that I had when I was um when I was uh six in uh Washington DC 01:28:10.290 --> 01:28:15.690 that I had it was at the end of all of his training in Texas where I quote unquote graduated you 01:28:15.690 --> 01:28:22.330 know and was you know my dad and uh Gates and then my beta trainer and his daughter 01:28:22.330 --> 01:28:29.990 would also be handled we all flew to to Washington DC for a party and a ritual and stuff and 01:28:30.690 --> 01:28:36.390 you know he my dad went to party for the few days a couple days that we were there and I was left 01:28:36.390 --> 01:28:41.030 alone in a hotel room with Gates and at a certain point it's like he you know he damaged me too 01:28:41.030 --> 01:28:46.010 bad and I had to get you know I had near-death experience and had to get rushed to a hospital 01:28:46.010 --> 01:28:50.870 and everything like that and um and it was that was like another time where it's like it was 01:28:50.870 --> 01:28:55.810 it was almost like God checking in with me you know and it's like being back in that space 01:28:55.810 --> 01:29:00.610 back with him and being like do you still do you still want this you know are you still 01:29:00.610 --> 01:29:05.190 willing to play this role are you still willing you can come with me right now you know or you 01:29:05.190 --> 01:29:10.870 can still like like have the duty because that's the thing like it's it's all about 01:29:10.870 --> 01:29:16.350 you know God is not interested in using unwilling people you know it's only it's only about 01:29:16.350 --> 01:29:21.630 people that are that are willing you know that are consenting to this stuff you know and it was 01:29:21.630 --> 01:29:27.550 like and in that moment I was like yeah you know it's like it's been horrible but I still have a job 01:29:27.550 --> 01:29:33.030 to do you know so send me back in you know so it's just in your death experience not an actual 01:29:33.030 --> 01:29:37.330 death experience you know and there were you know a couple times in my life where it's like you 01:29:37.330 --> 01:29:42.430 know things are are bad and you're brought to this other place and it's almost like a check-in to 01:29:42.430 --> 01:29:48.430 be like you know to give you some refuge some rest but also yes and a reminder of that love but 01:29:48.430 --> 01:29:53.310 also just to be like you know do you still want to play this role and for me every time though is 01:29:53.930 --> 01:29:59.110 yeah you know it's like if that's what that's what I'm here for is like I'll I'll see it through 01:29:59.110 --> 01:30:07.350 you know to whatever end that is basically yeah wow that's a beautiful and powerful story thank 01:30:07.350 --> 01:30:15.290 you for being vulnerable enough to share that that's I could see you know what it you know how hard it 01:30:15.290 --> 01:30:25.650 was on a level to share that so and I 100% share that experience every time I was at that near death 01:30:25.650 --> 01:30:33.350 experience point I would be if it was kind of like a little break a little rest and I would 01:30:33.350 --> 01:30:39.050 always be offered the chance to you know like you don't have to go back if you don't want to 01:30:39.530 --> 01:30:46.410 but when you're there you see the bigger picture exactly the love the love that we have for 01:30:46.410 --> 01:30:53.590 you know we're all interconnected so I it was that love for the planet earth the being 01:30:54.090 --> 01:30:59.630 you know Gaia or whatever we call her the love for humanity of the animals of the trees and 01:30:59.630 --> 01:31:07.130 just the bigger picture right is like well yeah that's I'll go back and you know that's what being 01:31:07.130 --> 01:31:14.470 truly spiritual is we're spiritual warriors and you know the satan has created the new age movement 01:31:14.470 --> 01:31:20.970 to trivialize that and it's all like oh butterflies and you know if you if you own on a mountain 01:31:20.970 --> 01:31:28.190 top or you you know do a sound bath or you wear certain robes or burn incense no okay what 01:31:28.190 --> 01:31:36.270 being really spiritual is is being willing to look at the bigger picture and to do what's 01:31:36.270 --> 01:31:42.650 necessary for the good of everyone which is ultimately the good for ourselves as well right so 01:31:42.650 --> 01:31:51.070 I think that's really beautifully said and you know I've had moments in my humanist too where 01:31:51.070 --> 01:32:00.890 I've been like wtf god you know like come on this is ridiculous but today I've kind of come to the 01:32:00.890 --> 01:32:06.550 understanding you know it's just like darkness is just the absence of light okay if you strike a 01:32:06.550 --> 01:32:13.590 match in a dark room it's all suddenly illuminated and so there we have this free will choice 01:32:14.250 --> 01:32:19.070 but and here there's a lot I mean I have to say the game is pretty great you know the dark 01:32:19.070 --> 01:32:26.810 has really seized control but even there it's it's like it's it's a choice and they have manipulated 01:32:26.810 --> 01:32:33.410 people into making the wrong choice through all the stuff I described before but it's still a free will 01:32:33.410 --> 01:32:40.910 choice you know so I will say to people who fly those airplanes that spray us with chemtrails or 01:32:40.910 --> 01:32:45.570 the the workers in their hazmat suits who are dumping fluoride into the water 01:32:46.140 --> 01:32:52.650 or the people who work for the scientists who are devising horrible technologies that harm 01:32:52.650 --> 01:33:00.030 all life on the planet or the doctors who are given bonuses to inject tiny children newborns with 01:33:00.030 --> 01:33:06.790 deadly toxic products or the teachers who are helping the you know like you said they want 01:33:06.790 --> 01:33:11.550 their lifestyle normalized and right now they're trying to normalize pedophilia so if you're 01:33:11.550 --> 01:33:19.590 going along with that program and you're actually indoctrinating children because the school curriculum 01:33:19.590 --> 01:33:29.510 curriculum says you need to you know that's us humans making that choice okay so then 01:33:30.190 --> 01:33:36.190 yeah the hell on earth will continue because we're making choices and they do they have people 01:33:36.190 --> 01:33:42.230 backed into a corner with it with a paycheck or with fear of of harm or death or whatever but 01:33:42.230 --> 01:33:50.910 yeah but on the other hand it's us when we make a different choice and I think that's why 01:33:50.910 --> 01:33:56.030 to come full circle that's why it's so important that you and I both talk and share our story 01:33:56.030 --> 01:34:01.490 because when people can make a different choice and see what the true reality is 01:34:02.210 --> 01:34:08.950 we could in an instant I think be on a different dimensional planet where there is no violence 01:34:08.950 --> 01:34:16.430 and darkness and hell on earth but that's the kind of the gift from the creator is that free will 01:34:16.430 --> 01:34:22.930 choice so it's not god that's doing this it's the choices that we're making as a collective 01:34:22.930 --> 01:34:30.050 and in that story you told you made a very different choice in that moment and I think 01:34:30.050 --> 01:34:35.510 those choices ripple across space and time you know time's kind of artificial construct 01:34:35.510 --> 01:34:43.870 anyway it changes so much so every good person that does every good act from love you know they 01:34:43.870 --> 01:34:49.930 hate that we still have love anytime we do a good thing even a small good thing you know 01:34:49.930 --> 01:34:53.850 I don't know somebody drops their wallet and you're walking behind and means hey hey you 01:34:53.850 --> 01:34:59.170 can give it back or you help an elderly person cross the street or you feed a hungry dog I mean 01:34:59.170 --> 01:35:05.810 all these acts of love and kindness are actually rippling through the quantum field and changing 01:35:05.810 --> 01:35:13.650 reality shifting it out of this hell on earth so what if we so my message for everyone is 01:35:14.430 --> 01:35:22.950 choose the moral thing you know choose love choose life don't participate in this satanic system 01:35:22.950 --> 01:35:30.450 that they want you because without us they can't do it and we have the ability to change that and 01:35:30.450 --> 01:35:37.170 so that's my message of hope it's it's actually the the power to change this completely lies within 01:35:37.170 --> 01:35:45.310 each and every one of us right so we've been talking for a couple of hours so why don't we 01:35:45.310 --> 01:35:52.210 kind of wrap it up but so give people your final thoughts you know like anything you want hope 01:35:52.210 --> 01:35:57.730 solutions any message that you want to leave our our audience with 01:36:00.610 --> 01:36:07.850 I guess mainly if you're an ally of you know just you know you're in the position of not 01:36:07.850 --> 01:36:13.550 having experienced this kind of abuse but are trying to educate yourself I just want to say thank 01:36:13.550 --> 01:36:18.210 you you know like that there's way more of you guys out there than there is of like us that 01:36:18.210 --> 01:36:25.630 have been you know thoroughly trauma programmed but this is you know this is how we make change you 01:36:25.630 --> 01:36:29.770 know and we'll continue to kind of win the war against these psychopaths as people that are 01:36:29.770 --> 01:36:36.750 willing to look at the darkness and and take it on so thank you and you know keep keep learning 01:36:36.750 --> 01:36:41.550 and educating yourself and being bold and being able to like share what you understand and know 01:36:41.550 --> 01:36:49.170 with with people in your life you know and people that maybe themselves are skeptical of this kind 01:36:49.170 --> 01:36:59.110 of stuff and if you're a survivor of this it's I I just I always hope to impart some validation by 01:36:59.110 --> 01:37:06.710 sharing my story but also a sense of hope you know that like if I can heal having you know done 01:37:07.230 --> 01:37:14.010 like the worst imaginable stuff you know being you know trained and forced through like ritual 01:37:14.010 --> 01:37:19.030 abuse of mind control to to do such heinous things and I still come to a place of self-forgiveness 01:37:19.030 --> 01:37:24.790 you know I'm still convinced you know the shame barrier is like one of the main ones that we 01:37:24.790 --> 01:37:29.470 need to overcome as survivors to be able to heal and that's kind of like what I try and do 01:37:29.470 --> 01:37:34.130 is to let people know you know that it's possible that you know there are 01:37:34.130 --> 01:37:39.850 no parts of yourself that are irredeemable you know they can present as demons they can present 01:37:39.850 --> 01:37:46.270 you know is you know our self-conception of as evil etc but we have to understand that that 01:37:47.390 --> 01:37:51.470 if you're here and you're healing and you're willing to ask the questions it may not feel 01:37:51.470 --> 01:37:56.930 like you can handle it but you can you know just take things at your own pace and just 01:37:56.930 --> 01:38:01.610 have an honest and open mind and understand that you know even your worst parts all the 01:38:01.610 --> 01:38:07.190 perpetrator parts all the bullies and the you know ones that have perpetrated on innocence on the 01:38:07.190 --> 01:38:11.810 outside and everything that they were they were all they are all little kids you know and that we 01:38:11.810 --> 01:38:18.170 need to we need to just hold a space of like love and compassion and fostering like understanding 01:38:18.170 --> 01:38:25.290 and communication basically and despite how traumatizing flashbacks and all of this 01:38:25.290 --> 01:38:30.970 stuff can be internal punishment and external stuff is that it is it is possible to get 01:38:30.970 --> 01:38:35.330 to a place where you can work through it and on the other side of that very difficult struggle 01:38:35.330 --> 01:38:42.810 is a life that is going to feel more whole and more happy and you know less 01:38:44.610 --> 01:38:50.830 less burdened by pain and shame than you can ever imagine you know so just to encourage you 01:38:50.830 --> 01:38:55.710 know encourage any survivor out there that no matter what kind of place you feel like you're 01:38:56.430 --> 01:39:02.070 that it can get better you know never never to make a you know go for a permanent solution when it 01:39:02.070 --> 01:39:08.130 comes to suicidality or losing yourself in addiction it's it's you know it's possible to heal and 01:39:08.630 --> 01:39:13.530 if you're here you're already on that path that's going to get you to a place of happiness 01:39:14.990 --> 01:39:19.070 that's what my channel's about you know is just trying to help people with baby steps 01:39:19.070 --> 01:39:25.690 to understand what they went through and how to like you know how a place of compassion for 01:39:25.690 --> 01:39:31.770 themselves and to and and to come to a place of healing yeah thank you so much and tell people 01:39:31.770 --> 01:39:36.990 and i'll put any links you send me in the description but tell people where they can 01:39:36.990 --> 01:39:43.890 find your channel yeah so right now i only have it in one place which i'm hoping to change because 01:39:43.890 --> 01:39:49.870 you know youtube is horrible with censorship and everything but right now that's the only place 01:39:49.870 --> 01:39:55.410 that i for sure have my own channel which is just focused on healing it's not going to get into 01:39:56.050 --> 01:40:03.090 really triggering explicit explanations of like trauma events that i went through 01:40:03.890 --> 01:40:08.650 so i just encourage everyone to to check that out you know it's a very like gentle 01:40:08.650 --> 01:40:14.450 meant for your child parts kind of um kind of channel that i try and have to really help people 01:40:15.070 --> 01:40:21.190 conceptualize this um it's called desert dakini um a survivor's perspective or you can just 01:40:21.190 --> 01:40:28.490 search um at carry olahe and you'll it'll get you there to my personal channel and and then 01:40:28.490 --> 01:40:33.770 i just to direct people you know also to the other podcasts that i've been um i've been on 01:40:33.770 --> 01:40:39.910 mainly the imagination well with emma you know it's it's been kind of like my 01:40:40.430 --> 01:40:45.290 home podcast the first one i had my testimony on and everything and if anyone wants to know 01:40:45.290 --> 01:40:50.990 you know more about my story it's the best place to send them to um or or wake the dead 01:40:50.990 --> 01:40:55.510 with sean mccann because um they're ones i've been on many times you know so it's you know 01:40:55.510 --> 01:40:59.230 if you want a more complete idea of like the timeline or you feel validation from my 01:40:59.230 --> 01:41:06.090 testimony those are places that you can go to to um to um to understand more 01:41:07.070 --> 01:41:15.290 okay cool well i feel like we could talk from many more hours on many more things so maybe 01:41:15.290 --> 01:41:21.950 we should do that we should do number three at some point but i think we covered some really 01:41:21.950 --> 01:41:29.410 like amazing um topics here today so thank you so much and for being you know like i said for 01:41:29.410 --> 01:41:34.690 willing for being willing to be vulnerable and share about you know really difficult 01:41:34.690 --> 01:41:41.510 things um you're an inspiration um thank you for everything you do out there and for 01:41:41.510 --> 01:41:49.410 putting yourself out there um and i guess i will leave it until number three so we'll just 01:41:49.410 --> 01:41:55.030 see each other then same for you max so you're you're an amazing inspiration thank you again