ten-by-twelve-foot cabin in the Montana woods.
Uncle Ted talks in my ear.
Anti-technology man of pastoral.
Uncle Ted talks without fear.
A hooded sweatshirt, sunglasses.
Critiquing the direction this whole society is headed.
Uncle Ted talks these ideas were spreading.
When touching grass and greener pastures.
Leaving behind the technology disaster.
Uncle Ted talks in my ear.
Uncle Ted talks crystal clear.
Uncle Ted.
When it was published in 1995, a man stepped forward to identify his brother as the unibody.
Hey, and welcome everyone to Uncle Ted Talks.
I hope everyone's well.
Howdy, howdy.
Well, Tuesday, how are you, fellow Ted's?
I'm excited about the fireworks.
The semi-quince centennial of the U.S. of A.
spreading democracy is in a big way this year.
Starting early.
Well.
I don't want to have to wait till July.
It is the 250th anniversary.
And you guys know like every time you get around 4th of July,
even if it's a week or two before,
somebody's going to start popping off a little bit early.
And then you get even closer to the 4th.
And, you know, the people start letting loose a little bit.
Well, America has been waiting for this war with Iran for at least 25 years,
according to General Wesley Clark.
So we're just, we're starting the 250th UFC fight on the White House law
and celebration a little bit early.
Lots of events planned for it.
I heard that they're moving some important documents.
They did that in 1976 with a freedom train tour.
But now they're putting it on a plane.
I don't know if that's a great idea.
What the freedom plane?
The freedom plane.
Yeah.
Right.
As long as Samuel L. Jackson and Kevin Hart aren't involved,
it should go down relatively smoothly.
Good.
I don't want the plane to go down with those important documents.
Do they have copies of them stored somewhere?
I wonder.
The declaration of independence, articles of confederation.
You know, who would know this?
Nicholas Cage.
If somebody can get left behind movie,
somebody reach out to Nicholas Cage.
He is the expert on figuring out where pieces of the
declaration of independence are.
I would turn to him before Kirk Cameron.
That's for sure.
If I want to know why the banana is magical and the
proper way to eat one, I will turn to Kirk Cameron.
I will.
But now the Christians got Kevin Sorbo,
and I think I'm going to have to vote for him.
I mean, he was Hercules.
Yeah.
That's definitely, what's up with Ted Jims or these interwebs?
See on Skylink.
It depends on what room you're in your house.
And then they went and painted their baby's room with that
paint that soaks in EMF and stopped it from going through.
So there's like a spot in their house that like deadens things.
That makes sense.
So are these the equivalent of the United States of America's
seven seals that are being transported?
I need to do a little bit more research into this to verify
the authenticity of these documents,
but allegedly the engraving of the Declaration of
Independence from 1823 is going to be on display in
different areas throughout the continental United States,
I would hope.
I hope they're not crossing any Canadian borders or leaving
air spaces to go to Puerto Rico or something like that.
That would be foolish.
It's such a big risk.
Air spaces are closing up real tight.
Well, only in certain parts of the world currently.
I mean, you can, you know, if you want to catch the
1045 to Brussels right now, you can do that if you hurry.
I don't know why I would go to Brussels to get the sprouts.
Yeah.
For sure.
Protest in front of NATO headquarters.
I don't know.
Are there protests happening anywhere?
No, they've got a bunch of, like,
Merriam Adelson funded pro regime change Iranians,
you know, celebrating in Western cities that Donald
Trump and Benjamin Milikowski decided to bomb Iran again.
Is this beard on beard violence we're experiencing?
From what I understand, though, Iran has been, it appears,
has been plotting fairly well for this.
And when they decided they're going to strike, they didn't
fuck around and they are really being successful in hitting
all the targets that they're trying to hit.
And they had zero mustache budget, too.
It's a little bit of that.
What it is, what it's been mostly is that the last couple
of years have proven that the Israeli iron dome
missile defense system has major vulnerabilities.
So what's been taking place over the last, like,
16 to 24 hours is that both the Iranian Revolutionary
Guard to the east of Israel and Hezbollah to the north
have been launching, like, okay, you launch a barrage
and then we'll count to fucking 30 and we'll launch a barrage.
Yeah, it's just fireworks.
Well, what it is, is it's confounding the missile
defense system.
So the much heralded iron dome and iron beam and all of that
stuff, it's been overwhelmed because of coordinated attacks
coming from two different directions that make it so
their ability to target missiles coming in is much more
difficult and Iran has these munitions now where it's a
single missile that gets launched.
And then after a certain amount of distance traveled,
it opens up and 80 separate individual projectiles.
Pop out.
Oh, wow.
So like a shotgun.
Yeah, it's like shotgun shells except for at the fucking 80
cal range, your 80 cal size or something like that.
Yeah, the thing I was watching earlier was calling the missiles
that are being intercepted.
They're saying that those actually they intend on them being
intercepted and calling them absorbing missiles.
And they're just absorbing the defense.
So these other missiles get through.
They said without it, they said in the overall attack about
30% of their missiles are getting through.
But the guys like, but with understanding that the first
barrage of missiles is actually meant to counter the
defenses and absorb it.
Then he's, he said they're, they're getting close to 100%
of the missiles that are supposed to get through hitting
target where, where it should.
Which is wild.
I guess just had gems really getting his internet set up
correctly.
It increased the bandwidth there.
Is it robotting on your end?
No, it might be a cyber attack.
Do you have your cyber defenses installed and configured?
I'm wearing my slippers.
Did you freeze your credits as well?
No.
There was talk of the Federal Reserve being maybe under
attack.
Yeah.
People weren't getting their social security checks clearing
and a timely rate.
It's all chaos everywhere.
There were lots of stuff flooding the zone of our
attention span.
And the time it takes us to verify any claim is much
longer than the time it takes to retweet or repost
something that sounds juicy.
Oh, the disinformation again.
Ability is lightning speed at this point.
Everyone's a journalist.
No one's an editor or fact checker.
I guess they leave that to Grock to do.
Grock, is this true?
That did not take long for that to become the reality
for almost everybody.
And at the same time that everything like, oh,
and at the same time that everything's going into
where everybody's asking Grock for all their thoughts.
At the same time.
Yes, Howard.
I definitely do do pagan rituals in the woods.
That absolutely happens.
Jason Talbot.
Did you use them in urban settings as well?
Or specifically they need to be.
I have one time, two times on rituals in urban
settings at somebody's house.
Better in the woods.
Three.
But typically it's in the woods,
which would still be at my house,
but it's my house in the woods.
So the other ones weren't at my house though.
That's why they were in urban settings.
But it definitely is not as good.
Yeah.
For doing magic.
Yeah.
I get away from that city noise.
It was on the shire there.
But it's amazing how quickly Grock took over
everybody's thinking.
But then another problem is.
So earlier today,
I was looking for.
The part where it talks about in the tour,
it talks about that six mil that when the return of the
promised land came, it would be,
there would be 6 million less Jews.
And I spent hours trying to find that.
And that used to be something you could fairly easily pull up
and I spent hours trying to find that.
And it took me almost an hour just to even find the part where
it says, this is, this is just something with supremacists
and anti-Semites talk about.
You're like, okay, okay.
What's that Russian browser?
Yancy.
Yandex.
Might be up there.
Check the Yandex.
Yeah, they've got some pretty good stuff that gets a wipe from ours.
Oh, dude, it's the barn wall bigger than shit.
Yeah, it sucks.
And that used to be fairly easy to find because it's not
controversial.
It's in their fucking book.
Like it's just what it is.
And now anything, even true things, they don't, they're just hiding them.
Which it's treating all of history and information
like an optimized Google search.
You don't really get to know who did the optimization.
Yeah.
Got some guesses.
Yeah.
I can guess how big their hats were at least.
Well, good for them.
They got us stuck in a hole.
Welcome Bubba to the show.
He wants to be on the show.
So what do we, what do we think odds are that this fully kicks off World War
Three?
Hmm.
The blood moon.
That was, that was this morning.
I thought it was, it wasn't this morning.
It was this morning.
It was night.
It was cloudy.
It was like three in the morning for us.
Yeah.
They didn't.
It was clear up until about one o'clock or two last night.
And then they, they smoked our skies out pretty hard.
Yeah.
It was very cloudy.
And then as soon as the, the moon was in the west and it was setting,
I could see it.
There was a partial, partial eclipsure over it.
And then the clouds covered it again.
So I did see part of it with my own eyes to confirm that there
wasn't an eclipse and they weren't just faking it.
But in some of the YouTube chats where they were live streaming the
telescope footage from different cities,
I was asking everybody if we thought that men physically walked on the
moon and there were some, some conversation happening in the chats
about the doubts.
And then they were announcing Artemis missions for 2026.
And they keep pushing back the launch of the rockets for all.
They can't stand down the road for fuck it forever now.
Yes.
So some of the defense contractors are involved with the
building of these rocket ships,
but whether or not men will walk on the moon again,
I think the first part is they want to fly around to see the dark child of the moon return home
and then land on it later.
And they cited the fact that the youngest generation had kind of lost their excitement for NASA and the moon.
So they have to reinvigorate in the youth the hope and optimism of traveling off-planet and landing on the moon
and jumping around on the big ball of cheese.
Just fucking hope while World War three is kicking off.
Well, what they need to do is they need to sacrifice another curly-headed elementary school teacher
on a moon mission.
To get a bunch of people going, hey, that looks dangerous.
I think I'll try it.
Man, I think that that was one of the first big like organized trauma bonding event.
Right.
It was like I was in the second grade.
Yeah, me too.
That year they rolled all these TVs into classrooms.
Like we didn't have it.
We had like one TV in the school and you know, it was like on the car.
They wheel it around to whoever borrowed it for whatever.
All of a sudden the local HH Craig struck up a deal with Magnavox and all.
Yeah, there's miraculously TVs in every classroom.
Every one of them.
Yeah.
Right before this mass trauma event.
And real quick, real quick, no, no, we're not twins.
We did all go to different high schools together though.
So that may be why we look similar.
Yeah, we're related somehow.
I know we're all uncles.
I don't know who.
The same uncle.
Relative is right.
We are all teds.
All teds are one tad.
Yeah, we'll have to get our genetics tested.
And fortunately all the teds in this room are too fucking old to be drafted.
Yeah, we have a great mail package.
It's a package deal.
It's a mail package deal.
Mail package.
I don't even actually have a draft card.
I joined the Army when I was 17.
So I didn't have to fill out a draft card.
Well, that's nice.
I'm glad they weren't drafting in our lifetimes.
Yeah.
Bullshit.
Close the window on that.
I don't know.
I think they're just getting enough fodder from inner cities.
Carpenter Tom.
Exactly.
Only one Ted.
I'm not a jungle gym.
Why do you think you're the way you think this is a jungle gym tonight?
All right.
What do you think this is going to do with the job market?
What is it going to do for the job market?
Yeah.
Well done.
War.
Yeah, I need to continue to produce.
Well,
you imagine the economy is about to take a dive because fuel prices
are going to jack once fuel prices jack shipping prices are going
to jack again.
That shit hadn't even really come down yet.
They're just going to skyrocket that again.
Then the price, everything fucking skyrockets.
Yeah.
They were making houses so people won't be buying new houses
because they're not building them and interest rates are going
to go nuts.
Well,
we know that we're at the point of the fucking of the oh wait,
housing collapse again.
We're already at that point.
Well,
that's the genius of the single use drone.
They have to keep buying more drones.
Yeah,
they named it after a boy named Lucas.
I think.
Well,
it's because they're low cost, right?
Right.
The L in Lucas is for low cost, low cost,
unmanned, automated, you know,
fucking combat aerial systems or whatever the acronym is,
but it's they gave us Ukraine and Russia as a way.
If you listen to Eric Schmidt and you listen to Palmer Lucky
and all of these people that run defense contracting companies,
drone companies, stuff like that.
If you listen to them,
Ukraine has been all about the massive amount of data collection
they've been able to attain by unleashing all of these different
types of drones, including the, the,
they call them one way,
the one way drones.
I love how software language has gotten over the years,
but, but it's been a huge data mining.
We've got to talk about drones being kamikaze.
They're like,
No, no, it's, it's, it's, it's one way.
It's going to sleep.
We're just going to put it this way.
One direction.
Arizona's family news broadcast has a story.
They're very proud of their,
they're building this technology out in the Arizona deserts
there.
You're best behaving on my life.
You stop.
I don't know if they use the K word in that or not.
What's the K word?
Chameleon.
Corn pop.
Kamikaze, right?
Because he can't,
whoa, we are on, on the live.
So if you're not aware kids,
kamikaze is a Japanese word for on the live.
Cause we live in Fisher price land on YouTube where grown adults
can't say grown adult words because they'll offend the
delicate sensibilities of other grown adults.
We need to do a skit.
I thought of this last night.
We need to redo the George Carlin dirty words only on YouTube.
Cause you can say those.
Yeah.
We've got an entirely different.
You still can't say one.
Everyone really don't like it.
No, it starts with a C.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
But you can say it.
You actually get a caramel regularly.
Jesus.
Age country.
Yeah.
But you, but you,
but people say it on shit fairly regularly.
Like the George Carlin words are gone.
And now we've got a whole new set of words.
Like the 2020.
Words and things like that that we, we are not allowed to say
we need to make a renewed George Carlin's dirty words.
Cause it's cause in today's world,
like things like unaliving have to be said because we
can't just face the reality of the world.
Here's a reality clip.
We're making like literally in the house.
Now it's gotten confusing cause when people say PDF file,
when they actually mean a PDF file, you're like,
why would you say that?
Like, yeah.
Oh, you mean a file.
Okay.
Cause your brain starts making the translation because we're
not allowed to talk like fucking adults.
Oh, don't open attachments.
Yeah.
First time it's ever been used in combat in the cold low cost
unmanned combat attack system or Lucas drones.
They are one way,
Kamikaze drones estimated to cost around $35,000 to build.
And they're made by a phoenix company called Spectreworks.
As B2 self bombers, guided missile destroyers and dozens
of other assets hit targets in Iran early Saturday morning.
These Lucas drones were also used in combat for the first
time.
Essentially it's kind of a poor man's cruise missile.
Kenneth Canada is the chair of the unmanned aerial
systems program at Embry Riddle University.
He's also a former Navy pilot and used to operate
drones in Afghanistan and Iraq in a previous career.
I think at any situation where we find out that they're
using a new type of technology is, is eventful.
Nearly 7,600 miles away from Tehran, this non-descript
office building in Phoenix is an address listed for
Spectreworks, the phoenix based company that
manufactures the Lucas drones.
In December, the U.S. announced a new task force
for the military's first one-way attack drone squadron
based in the Middle East.
The days of building a certain component for an aircraft
and charging a million dollars to that component are
kind of gone.
They really want to find a way to make it efficient.
And I think this is just one of the ways they do it.
Canada says he thinks these low-cost drones that the
U.S. government says are modeled after drones Iran has
produced in the past will be part of warfare from
here on out.
I hope that the better government has a hand on
this because the thing that worries me is the low-cost
nature of this thing.
If you can build this and take a look at it, I mean,
there might be other people out there who might
try to mimic this.
And we did reach out to Spectreworks, but we're
told they cannot comment on the Lucas program.
Well, the U.S. says these Lucas drones were used
during Operation Epic Fury.
We don't know just how many were launched or how
effective they were.
For now, reporting in studio, Zach Perlotsky for
Arizona's Family.
Yeah, first time it's ever been used in combat in
the...
They called him Kenneth Canada?
Mm-hmm.
So then they got to mention Canada.
So another dragon Canada into this.
So I think maybe it is a World War.
Like I said, and you can't imagine Russia's
going to take this sitting down this whole deal.
Like fucking...
We're effectively attempting between Venezuela
and what we're doing with our naval blockades.
And with Iran, we're effectively trying to
basically...
Russia paid off the World Bank a number of years
ago and basically, you know, almost like
bankrupted the country basically.
And then started over, but now their money's
nationalized.
And so since then it's a race to stop them from
actually gaining an upper hand because they
don't owe $38 trillion to the fucking World Bank
like we do.
And so if Russia, this is part of why we
bombed the pipeline going over to Europe
and then eventually admitted it.
And this is...
And now we're going after all the oil,
because one of the big things in the oil
world that happened is some of these
countries have started trading with people
that don't require dollars to make these
trades in.
And so this causes a couple problems.
It allows Russia to trade their oil and
it's going to devalue all of our stuff
and then also have Iran into the mix.
And if enough countries quit trading in
dollars for their oil, the dollar is
going to completely dump in its value.
Like the dollar that's already devalued to
fuck is going to like turn infinitesimal.
Yeah, this is why a year and a half ago I
made a t-shirt for the show that said
Why Mart?
And it's the exact Walmart logo except
for the little spiral at the end.
It's burning hundred dollar bills.
You can, you know, spot this shit a mile
away.
You got a little bit of history behind
you.
You're not a, what do you call it, partisan
hack.
That helps.
It does help.
It says war in the title.
It's kind of amazing.
Well, because obviously I, the implications
of what's going on with Iran, we're going to
be a lot of what we're talking about.
And then if Russia jumps into this fray,
that's, that, that's World War three
guaranteed.
China's going to probably jump into the fray.
That's, it's all ugly there then.
I mean, China's already in a proxy sense.
China's already the one that's giving a lot
of these missiles to fucking Iran.
And, and Russ, they're already backing the same
as we back Ukraine.
We're not officially fighting Russia, but
Ukraine, Ukraine has absolutely no weapons
without us.
So we're, we're the ones doing it.
We're just not putting our men in that
spot yet.
Although, I mean, if you listen to him talk,
it went from, this is a 24 to 48 hour
strategic strike operation to, well, you know,
it could be a couple of weeks, maybe
to Trump last night tweeting our
untrue socialing.
What's wrong with the forever war?
Some wars do last forever.
I don't know.
What do you, I mean, obviously there's
still fighting in the Middle East.
That's forever.
I mean, but it's just sometimes they're
like that.
It's like, dude, I put on Twitter earlier
this morning, if you could find a way to
convert libertarian buyers remorse into
energy, you could power every data
center on the planet indefinitely.
Good.
I saw that.
You have a beautiful, beautiful,
beautiful libertarian, beautiful AI future
off of libertarian buyers remorse for
the 2024 election alone.
Wow.
He's suckered them.
He's suckered people so hard and they're
still trying to pretend like they didn't
get suckered.
And then, and then the other thing,
and this is actually on the liberal
side, the thing that I'm seeing is
they're almost not going after it as
hard because they're like, yeah, the
Iran guy was really bad.
He killed 40,000 of his own people.
It's like, you are the most short memory
motherfuckers on the planet around here.
Like maybe to use that same excuse,
I can name half a dozen wars.
I went to one of them.
Like on that same pretext and it
always comes out that, yeah, well,
maybe it wasn't quite like what we
said we did.
Maybe there was no incubator babies
chucked on the floor.
Maybe, you know, maybe none of that
happened.
Okay.
But we spent 10 years at war over
things that didn't happen and stuff.
Oh, and we're still there 25 years
later.
35 years later, if you count the
first Iraq invasion.
That's the one I was talking about.
Yeah.
The original pretext was he was
using sarin gas.
That's the for when we went in for
desert storm.
He was supposedly using sarin gas
and all this and torturing his own
people and all that.
Then the second Iraq was
weapons of mass destruction.
We had to at least give a different
excuse to double down on it.
This war is different combat unit
commander told non-commissioned
officers at a briefing Monday that
the Iran war is part of God's
plan and that President Donald
Trump was and quote,
I noted by Jesus to light the
signal fire in Iran to cause
Armageddon and mark his return to
earth according to a complaint by
non-commissioned officer.
So there's also complaints coming
in saying that
a lot of people are
praying and
making this would you call it a
holy war, a jihad, a crusade?
Well, you can't really put another
pretext on it because
what does America gain in this?
Number one, it doesn't matter.
I see people talking about
oh, I ran at 11.
We're going to be able to make 11
weapons grade nuclear warheads.
None that we're ever going to
touch the United States
were in no threat whatsoever.
Why?
Israel's got freaking warheads too.
What difference does that make to
us what the Middle East people do?
Iran,
whether it's a nuclear warhead or
not, the delivery system
would have to cross a fucking ocean,
get through all of our defenses
and magically hit a target
over here.
There's no threat to us.
The United States gains nothing.
It's a fucking lame ass excuse.
And Iran
didn't blow up one of our
fucking battleships
and then not even
really apologize.
They're just like, mmm, goyum.
They don't have
the Samson option
where they're like, yeah,
if we think things are looking
bad for us, we're just going to
level the whole fucking world.
That's when Samson,
the judge in the Old Testament said
between two pillars and pushed
him down.
And then brought everything down on himself
also.
Okay.
All right.
It's a mutual
self-destruction type situation
where I'm just going to blow up
everything.
Mad.
M-A-D.
Mutual assured destruction.
All right.
Hmm.
Is that because the Clintons
had depositions?
I watched part of Hillary's.
She was extraordinarily
adversarial
in what
bit I seen.
Obviously it was.
I'm sure it was dependent on
what interrogator was talking to her at
the moment at that moment, but
I think it was Nancy.
I think it was a mace when I was
fucking listening
and going at her.
And it was
it was pretty ugly, pretty ugly.
You didn't care for her blue dress.
It was like blue on blue.
She was all blue.
Was Bill wearing his blue dress
as well?
Well, Bill is tomorrow.
Because that was a lot of what they talked
about when I was listening.
She asked Hillary that if the committee
had good reason to interrogate
Bill and she's like, and Hillary's like,
well, he's coming here, isn't he?
You can ask him.
It's like, yeah, but we want to know
if there's a good reason for us to do it.
She's like, well, apparently there is
because he's coming tomorrow.
It was pretty angry.
We're going to bring in Monica
and kind of star and
I hope so.
Bring back everybody.
All the old favorites.
Maybe Monica's got the declaration
of independence hidden under that blue dress.
Well, that might be.
She's just getting it wedded so that way
they can use it as a blunt rap later.
Yeah, she keeps it rolled up in a
cigar case.
Little metal cigar tube.
Hidden up inside her pocket.
That's how we found out about the hidden messages
in it because the acidity from her
nether regions
acted in the same way that the lemon
juice did and it actually
made them.
It revealed the truth.
Yeah.
Somebody sent her some
PH strips.
Get a test going.
What is the PH
of the Monica Lewinsky?
She mischief based.
Like nine.
She'd be out based
to nine to 14.
I get Paula Jones people to
come in as well.
Paula Jones have a whole posse ready to go.
Paula Jones posse.
There's so damn much going on.
A person almost can't pick it like
like somehow the Epstein files
took a back seat.
Like I think Hillary's
deposition went almost fucking
unnoticed. I haven't really seen
anybody talking about it at all.
I saw the Paula Jones posse
down at
Chico's
shopping for
chunky necklaces
the other day.
Did they walk out with anything?
I don't think so.
A couple of them were
given the clerk at a hard time
while
the other two
were swapping labels
on the
short dresses
in the back.
Paula Jones is probably completely unrecognizable.
She keeps getting these changes
to her face.
Geez, you know who Christy
showed me the other day that was completely unrecognizable?
She showed me the
Kelly Osborn. Kelly Osborn, yes.
How much did you guess?
It's that bad that you just guessed.
Marcus and I did not
talk about this at all.
He is my handler.
He probably got monitoring devices
and heard the conversation, I guess.
I was going to say Jim Carrey.
You can still tell
it's Jim Carrey.
It definitely don't look right.
It looks like
what's that stupid horror flick
where they lock the people up with the puzzles?
There was like eight of them.
Yeah.
He looks like the saw dude
with extra big cheeks and shit.
Oh, saw jigsaw.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
But you can see Jim Carrey under all that.
You can still kind of make it out at least.
It resembles Jim Carrey.
Kelly Osborn.
What the fuck?
What the fuck is this?
The rubber mask on that Jim Carrey guy
was pretty good.
Apparently it was some kind of
makeup guy.
Some impersonator
had a really
realistic Jim Carrey mask
that he made
according to something
I saw today.
It's hard to say
what is real and what is not real.
Nicholas Burnett says that that's Jim Carrey
just after hardcore antidepressants.
Yikes.
Yeah.
I got ran through the ringer
over the last decade.
Yeah.
People don't want to remember.
He was like the original
blow the whistle on the
VAC system and everything.
That dude was like the original.
Jenny McCarthy?
Yeah.
He got ran through the ringer for that.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Like everybody thought he was
such a fucking madman
and blah blah and here we are
a few years later and everybody's
couldn't know you ain't putting that in me.
I hate you.
Jenny McCarthy, she had some
kind of show that she was hosting
on MTV.
Singled out.
Singled out, is that what it was?
I don't know what it was.
I heard that she would just
fart on set
like right next to the person she was talking to
and like keep a straight face to see if they
noticed it.
I noticed this
if you're watching dating shows.
She's one of those women.
Yeah.
Oh God.
That shit's hilarious.
She wasn't screaming.
I didn't bring her back.
I'm telling you,
Jack,
what the fuck right?
Kelly Osborn just looks
I don't know
how to even describe that.
Like Tim Burton
character.
Yeah.
She went from a human to something from
Nightmare Before Christmas.
Like a Bratz doll.
Oh.
If you put
eyes on a cum stock, it looks like
Tucker Carlton in France.
Oh.
Kelly Osborn looks
like a Tiki doll
now.
Okay.
Like if you look at her face,
like if her tongue was
sticking out,
it would be a Hawaiian Tiki doll
carved
to ward off evil spirits.
Pull up the picture
now that you're back.
Yeah.
A person's got to look at this.
It's just like wow.
Yeah.
Christy showed it to me and I was like
and I didn't know who it was.
I recognized Sharon.
It was Sharon and Kelly and I
recognized Sharon and I handed it back
to Chris and Chris like, you know who
that was.
I was like, I know who Sharon is,
but I know who the other chick is.
Kelly Osborn.
Give it back.
Let me look at this again.
Yeah.
Somehow she wound up
looking older than her mom.
Is this
what happens when you get like
Odiano Zempik or something?
Yeah.
100%.
Yeah.
That makeup
style is not helping.
It's like
she's been in the back of a
train car on her way
to a camp.
Do you have,
the front view is so much worse.
Oh man.
It's not makeup. Those are actual cheek shadows.
Yeah.
Dude, like legit.
She kind of looks like
anybody that's seen Army of Darkness.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, fuck.
Well, with the feathers there
on the boa,
every time,
because this was a recent award show,
all these pictures are from
and they've been all over the interwebs
and I'm like, she looks like she belongs
in the fucking dark crystal.
Edgar Allen Poe.
Right, right.
Skexie?
Yeah.
Oh yeah, I could see it.
Yeah.
Dry out my fire.
Netflix.
Bring her back for the conclusion
to that revival
that you didn't finish off.
It got too expensive.
Ozzie, to be fair, Ozzie's wife
does look like Ozzie now,
but when Ozzie died, he looked like a woman.
So, I mean, that's just fair.
The Irish and the English
age one of two ways.
The men either turn
into a spooky witch
or they turn into
an old baby.
And you'll get, like,
bald English and Irish
that have nary a wrinkle on them
and they're just chair-faced
into their 70s and 80s
or their faces will get
sucked in, they'll get super wrinkled up
and they'll look like a spooky witch
and Ozzie looked like a spooky witch
and he married a spooky witch
and obviously
his daughter's a spooky witch
so naturally when he aged
he would age to, can you imagine
old baby
Ozzie Osborn
like a Bobby Kelly or something like that
but it's the Prince of fucking Darkness.
Imagine Jim Norton,
that little fucking worm
but he's Ozzie.
It wouldn't work.
He had to age like a spooky witch.
He couldn't age like an old baby.
It would have been all wrong.
All wrong.
This is Kurt Metzger's theory, by the way.
I'm just, I'm sharing it with you guys
in case you haven't heard it or you don't know
but Kurt Metzger came up with this theory
probably 20 years ago.
Oh, your friend that doesn't come
and talk to us himself.
He works Tuesday nights, dummy.
How many times do I gotta tell you that?
Probably until he comes on.
We'll have to change
the night of the show.
We'll have to do a special
show on a special night.
Right.
A very special episode.
There's more teds than just Tuesday teds.
But yeah.
No, Kurt
came up with that theory
based on proximity to both Bobby Kelly
and Colin Quinn.
And he was watching Colin Quinn
turn into a spooky witch
while he was watching Bobby Kelly
turn into an old baby.
He was like, holy fuck, you mix are all the same.
You only go one of two
directions.
It's like Gollum in the one way.
It's genetics,
but also I feel like whiskey's involved.
Perhaps.
Certainly with Ozzy.
How fucking old is Kelly though?
Isn't she quite a bit younger
than I am?
Not much, man.
She's like 46, dude.
What?
Hmm.
Let's consult the book of knowledge.
So I'm sure.
But I've been seeing some stuff about her lately.
Right.
Because she looks crazy.
Well.
I thought she was younger than me.
Oh, she's 41.
41.
40?
She's 41 years old.
Yeah.
Well, America's 250 years old.
Does it look insane?
That's like, that's like your,
you know, that's like your,
your fucking best years where you're like,
you look like an adult and you haven't started falling apart yet.
She looks,
like she was sandblasted.
So I don't know, man.
I agree with Howard here.
I think she looks like a vampire.
Look her up in the necronomic content.
Yes.
Yeah, that's some scary shit.
Like it's wild,
but how,
how weird these people are looking,
like the dystopian novels that I'm more used to,
like I seen Tom Carpenter
earlier put 1984 and absolutely anybody that's read 1984.
Holy shit.
Then we're all up in that.
All up in that.
Well, the internet's the barn wall.
And the internet's the barn wall bigger than shit.
I spent hours trying to look up something I absolutely read
and knew all about.
And it took me hours just to find a snippet of it.
And it's still real.
And they're like,
but they hide it.
Wild.
Yeah.
And we see it,
which is very painful,
but even more painful watching people
walking around,
not even knowing that that's going on.
You know,
just feel bad for them.
It seems like it's us and them.
Yeah.
Animal Farm last night,
because I was saying I was like,
because the guys like,
the one of the guys debating was like,
you're saying we get nothing on this
and we're just doing this because Israel,
we're Israel's punk.
And I'm like,
and I said,
we are the dogs
from fucking Animal Farm.
They are the pigs.
We're the only thing keeping
everything else in line.
We're the mindless
jackass dogs
running around attacking everything the pigs
tell us to.
Malthus, I'll say he's 55
and looking great.
I mean, that's,
that's his opinion.
Yeah,
but yeah,
I agree that he's 55.
I that I that I will
I will fully
cosine. Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know if you guys saw or not,
but Hillary Clinton
and Bill Clinton
were called to
Hillary was bills.
No, no bill bill was bill got the post.
We rolled footage of it
this morning. He got the post already.
I thought it wasn't tomorrow.
Yeah.
I do have a very short
live look
at Hillary's testimony.
This is when I believe it was
representative Nancy Mace.
That's hilarious.
The only part I watch
brought up pizza gate, right?
Or she gets gets a little
a little upset. This may be
a different camera angle
than
the one that you saw it from.
But let's let's go ahead and roll it.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
To understand how that
it doesn't matter.
We all are abiding by the same
rules.
Yeah, well, I would like to take a
break at this. Yeah, I'd like to
for now.
Yeah.
So
I don't mean to be
her makeup wasn't
her makeup wasn't quite as fresh
when I was on the version I watched.
She was looking she was looking
really good there.
She was
she was a top form.
For sure.
Top form.
Yeah.
That is literally Nancy
mace and I was like as I tell
these guys it was very contentious
by
the parts
that I saw. I didn't watch
a lot of it. Obviously it's a little
overwhelming right now.
The creepiest thing to
me, I think
was
Bill Clinton
in the in the middle
of his deposition
like being shown
pictures
of him with
with minor
you know minor girls
in
hot tubs in various different situations
none weirder
than this is
38 seconds
if we have to we'll pause it
15 or 20 seconds
into it you know but
this
is Bill Clinton staring at
what is evidence which is
a picture of him in a hot tub
with two underage girls he put cotton
on his head.
No that's the watermark
from the outlet
that retweeted this
that being the GOP
House Overside Committee
Somebody totally needs to do an air bubble
of more than
thought bubbles above his head
then we're some hotties
VH1 pop-up
video style
exactly
then we're some hotties
that was the good days
Just watch
his lawyer is like
my guy
maybe
you shouldn't be staring
mouth open peppy lapuge
ruling over
a picture of you
with underage girls perhaps
don't
saunter down
pedophilia memory lane
this is a bad look dude
this is a bad look you're my client
I'm obligated
and even I'm sitting here going fuck
you're guilty
yeah I'm obligated
to snatch these pictures
out of your hand to make you
look like less of a
you know drooling leering
creep
and Bill Clinton
goes hey not so fast
I'm not
I'm not a show
or you realize
who you're fucking with
I'm Bill
and he goes no no no
no I'm gonna take this one back
specifically
watch what is he doing
right now
he's putting
spit on his finger he's getting ready
to give it the old
you have no idea
how correct you are
Ted Bennington
I've done this move before
he
he gave it the lick and
dittle
look at the smile on his face
holy face
god damn
I was
an old dog
I'm just
saying
I was pretty cut back then right
did Bill request that his lawyer
wears those the pearl
are you trying to tell me
that if you had a chance
in a hot pub with these
two fine look at this
I can't take my eyes off it
look at it
Madam Barrister I just want to make it
perfectly clear
right now there's one of two ways
you're leaving this deposition with
the pearl necklace
I believe in a thing
called broke
I'm about to give you some
oh he's in top
wrote a song about this
do you know that darlin's easy
top wrote a song about this
no
I mean
is just
and even the lawyer
now they're both smiling
watch the lawyer the lawyer's
like oh
oh fuck
this is as bad as when
bush was dancing and smiling
at that fucking cops feud
at that like seven cop funeral
like hey that does got a
good beat to it like
this is like Bill's just like
hot damn that was some
good shit
she's a big old god damn it
boy you were the worst
you just the worst give me
them papers
your old dog
you still got it
Bill
you're still coming to my grand
niece's birthday party this weekend
Bill
well she ain't 18 yet is she
is that his wedding band
is he still wearing his wedding band
yeah oh yeah
it's a GPS tracker
alright
what is extra funny
is that
in this
deposition Bill Clinton said
under oath
I was much closer to Glaine
than I was
Jeffrey
and the day before
his wife was like I don't know why
this lady that you say her name
is Glaine Maxwell who we never
met before in our life
was at our daughter's wedding she must have been somebody's
plus one
I don't know who this broad is
like you guys
can't even keep
your story straight
and you're gonna go in
in front of the same congress critters
one day after the other
and one of you is gonna go
I don't know who this freaking broad is
and the other one's gonna go I'd say
only woman I've ever talked to outside
of my wife and the one I got in page four
and the seven I got sued for
and a couple of those
low key abortions
I settled earlier
in my career
yeah but like it's
and yeah yeah yeah
Cheney
said is quoting
Bill Clinton here in that deposition
stating
that he specifically knew
Glaine Maxwell more
and better than
Jeffrey because
he was good friends
with Evelyn de Rothschild
and his wife
and Glaine was also good friends
with Evelyn de Rothschild
and his wife and so that's how they knew each other
because of the Rothschild connection
which is something that he leaned on
in his deposition
which kind of
should have
a couple of years perking up
the Red Shield Defense
it should have enough perking up that as an alibi
it shouldn't be very useful
right hold on hold on
hold on you're okay
the Rothschild's your connection
here and you think that's a good thing
well sometimes
Ted Bennington you've got a parlay
with the super Jews
and that's what Bill does
get some of their
super Jews
we're gonna arc and slide right in
it sounds like Evelyn's the dairy queen
I
won't you shut the fuck up
and put on this blue dress
that is not
where you put that cigar man
how's about a cigar
no it doesn't go in there
they're aged
just right
not a day over 19
would you like some molly
I hear you kids are into that
right
hey maybe y'all
can explain to Bill
what boofin is
how did y'all
go about that
it sounds like a good time
oh fuck
boofin
oh fuck
that guy
that guy has
that's the worst because the guy's already
a known extreme degenerate
like we all
remember all the cases that you faced
all the ones that you flushed
and flushed down the system when you were governor
but the things damn somebody
plunged him back up when you were president
shit and it's a
hero level gin blossom
he's growing on his nose
rosy alcoholic
nose if I ever saw one
it's like
so the trick is you gotta
blend your aged
scotch with your adrenochrome
they didn't even need to use an attractive
honeypot with him
if you don't get the mixture
of your scotch and your adrenochrome
just right
it'll make your nostrils flare up
something terrible
what the hell was that one
horse face broad that he got so much
trouble for for having sex
with when he was governor
jennifer flowers
no no bill clinton
was it jennifer flowers
that could be she had just
the most horse face
chick you're like
he does he does not
care if they're attractive he just
don't that's part of why that
picture he was stuck on he's like
damn these two are hot he's
usually I'll bang whatever happens
to be in the room
but these two this is fine
I like that I like that
gasoline
bill clinton is like
he's like tiger woods
right remember
the golfing legend
tiger woods and
he was absolutely untouchable
and the one thing that brought
him down is he got caught
cheating on his smoking hot
white wife
with like a waffle house
waitress yes
and then they found out that like
oh he was just banging waffle
waitresses from sea to shining
sea and like
did he's you know
one of the most famous
celebrity athletes on the
planet and you know has all
it in he's like no dude give me
that fucking trailer park
ran through fucking
Salem light
that's what I want
I want someone that's on her
fucking ninth Zima
because it was that era
I want someone who's
on her ninth Zima
and her second pack
of fucking
that's that's my girl
right there
so
point B you know
for for a lot of guys
especially that have like
ridiculous celebrity
it's about slum in it for the
night
you know
you if you're a tiger
woods hang on let me finish here
if you're tiger woods
and you have
the option
of going okay
I am a
miserable scumbag
horrible son of a bitch
let's get that out
upfront first that's about to do
something unconscionable
cheat on your wife
do you
go for a high profile
expensive
you know
somebody who might get you caught
or do you go
for Big Cheryl
from the fucking local Denny's
yeah the one with no
self-respect
the one with no self-respect
who's gonna believe Big Cheryl
when she comes
to fucking job next day
and she's like y'all you ain't gonna believe it
I fucked tiger woods last night
and they're like
he put a hole in one alright
he put it in two
you fucked a truck driver
who told you he was tiger woods
you dummy
fucking go polish that silverware
get back on the floor
stop talking crazy
what the fuck is wrong with you you fuck tiger woods
you gotta fucking work
so it is kind of
like in you know
low-key brilliant
yeah from that from that point of view
plausible deniability
is high in this
you're freaking you're pulling up
the work and you're denny the shit
Chevy Corsica
you know
fucking
there's three car seats in it
and you've only got two kids
go
you tell your co-workers
that you banged out tiger woods
last night they're like
okay okay sure
yeah no he probably
thought he was getting away with murder
he probably did
that's hilarious
to be fair though
really high class chicks that are
like the really smoking hot ones
they like to go slummin too
right
yeah yeah
I don't got a real
explanation for that
but you would be surprised
the the 9's and 10's
that'll bang a dude that's like
a month out of prison
like there is a smell you put
off that like as you walk out of prison
that was like that dude desperately
needs to fuck the bejesus
not not just a little bit
like he is gonna burn every
bit of energy that he's gonna have
for the entire week when he gets done
he's gonna walk back into the fucking
into where he lives and pass
out for two days
like all that
yeah yeah well I mean
there's you know
it's the same reason why a lot of people
are attracted to like varying
degrees of crazy in a woman
or something like that
element of danger that people find
seductive
yeah yeah
he's got red hair and green eyes
and she's super pretty
and she's got that sparkle in her eye
that sparkle is
I'm about to eat your soul
dude
this is gonna be the biggest
regret you've ever ever
ever had
boy are you going to write
some shitty music based on
this
I promise you
welcome to alcoholism
if you didn't have a habit
guess what
now you do
good stuff
I maintain that
you should find complimentary
crazy as opposed to diametrically
opposed crazy and that
it's good advice
where you get
a blessed union
brings balance to the universe
well it definitely surprises a lot of people
yeah my middle daughter
she's that chick
and I have I've had younger friends that like
your daughter's not your daughter seems
nice like no don't talk to her again
he's gonna hurt you
I'm not even doing this like out of some fatherly
protective thing I'm doing this for your good
stay away
hey
she will break you
you won't you will regret it forever
the amount of mental scarring
that you're about to have
you're never gonna be
able to get back
see it'd be great to get that advice but
well a lot of people don't want to hear
about it they're like oh
I'm in love shut up man
it's different
no this was before that ever happened
I told them off for and like no
don't don't try and walk down that path
bro it's it's
did he listen he listened
yeah
yeah I said I was like I'm not
trying to protect being a
protected dad she does all kinds of crazy
shit I can't stop her
like
she's a grown adult and I'm like
but this will hurt you
you won't like it I know
she's pretty I get it
but you aren't gonna like it
she will break you
that's good advice
in that case
like for as much
as they talk about that chicks
want a dude that they can fix
and change all dudes dude
dudes want a chick that they can be a white knight
for and be captain
save a hoe and the problem
is this you know
fine being the man
of the situation and being the
the but if you're trying
to be captain save oh you just gotta
remember that she was a hoe
like holy shit she is not
gonna she is gonna use up everything
you got and then walk on and for the
rest of your life you're gonna hate it
it
yeah she's a grown well I know
she has a house and three kids and she married
no ads I don't know
she's my least
out of my grown grown
ass kids that aren't in
college or whatever
she's she's
the one that still causes the most dumb
shit my oldest
she's really squared away
that's good
that sucks I wish somebody had warned me
at the beginning of some
of my old relationships
and I you know if I
would have heard it and would have listened
then it would have been
saved me from a bunch of headaches
but I do it
well one of my one
I know this one guy and every girl runs
runs through him like that
and we were literally at a gas station
and
he's like we
he'd been in town we'd been we were
over and I'd write writing and we'd
been in town for like a week and then
he's like that's the first hot chick
I've seen since I've been yours that's what
I'm talking about this chick steps out of
this truck looking like
fucking 12 fucking shades
of twit trailer part
and her her fucking
pants had dropped you know when as
she's stepping out her pants had dropped out
you could see your g-string you know
hanging out over top of her pants
in a big old tramp stamp and I was like
yeah dude
that is exactly why you have so many
girl problems
I get fucking kidding me man
hey holy
shit
that's the first hot one I've seen
that's your problem
you need to figure that out
yeah stay away from strippers
and hairdressers
are there any
goddesses of love and war that we need to be
aware of
I am living testament to
the guy who goes home with the stripper
is not the winner
yeah
I've seen that happen
I've seen that happen several
times I had a number of friends
that were like oh no I found
the one stripper with
the heart of gold
like really really
and just you
woke up one morning followed
a rainbow it ended
at the brass rail
when you were like oh the one who has
17 teeth is
clearly
the most together individual who has
my best friends are so hard
I'm going to
I'm on my
mind
okay have fun with that
sounds nice
with the most smoke one of the most
smoking hot strippers I ever saw
and I didn't think she had a heart of gold
I thought she was smoking ass hot
and a lot of dirty fun
and then
I got drunk one night and she kept
and she stayed on when I tried to get off
and freaking
you know
the interuptus of the interuptus
I hate
that and
it wasn't just one kid it was two
I got twins out of that fucking deal
and oh yeah she was
she was gone
before they were one
and didn't do shit for them for the first
for that even during
that duration
and didn't show back up till they were in high
school
Minnesota twins
yeah Minnesota no they were
South Dakota but
she's the
manager of
the
research laboratory
she is
I believe currently a manager
at a sex toy store
oh
I'm mistaken
I don't talk to her I haven't talked to her in
a lot of years now my kids are all growing
and shit
yeah every once in a while I go through my ex
girlfriends and think what are they doing now
and I get shutters
with some of them
like oh don't go there
I see pictures she hangs out
with my daughter and I see pictures
and she still acts like she did when she was a stripper
and shit like just this last
new years you know just like six you know two
months ago they're out
and just like trying to take sexy pics
and putting on fucking
filters
and out getting drunk and shit and I'm like
yeah
is there a data gathering service that
could come through social media and publicly
available information and send it to men who
are wanting to see what their
former flames are up to
and that sounds like
the fucking most pathetically desperate
app
that I've ever ever imagined
yeah you'll make a $3
like the dudes
that you were that you were
are appealing to are the biggest
not the gym
I'm not talking about Jim here Jim Jim just
a strange dude but 90
most 99% of those dudes
are going to be the most pathetic
fucking losers that have ever been
like they're the dudes sitting there seeing
this is how you can tell the difference Jim's Mary
they
that most those dudes though
they have never had a girlfriend again
they're just like
they went out with that green-eyed red head
that fucking spun their world
and then walked out just
to crush them
next check an app
to quiet your regret
oh fuck
oh yeah
see for him
for him it take it quiet his regret
because he's actually doing good
better than when he was with any of them
that's you can
you can call it X's
and O's
X's and O
X's and U's
there's yeah there's
there's room to work here there is
there is
we we used to
for single people
on Valentine's Day
at the Renaissance Festival campground
throw a party called
fucking bitch ruin my life
and
everyone who
who was saying we had t-shirts
a couple of years in a row
for that specific party
that we gave out
that's great
but yeah
you were able to
and kind of do something like that
especially in an environment
like renaissance festival campground
we're like 80% of the people there
have already all dated each other
yes
and by dated what he means
is drunkenly bump
uglies after
these are the people that travel around
for a living
oh the actual ones
not to see each other every day
not the weekend or trash no
yeah
if you've never worked Renfest
you know that there's a difference
like Christy when I
when she first did it I was one of the ones
like Steve talked about that every weekend
I was at a fucking Renfest
so I'm not trying to act like fool
and she went over
to the weekend warrior ones
because they were having a drum camp
and I'm like I told her flat out
I was like drums aren't they
drums are not what's getting beaten over there
like you don't you don't want to go over there
and she
and she's like what you love drums
and I was like yeah but I'm not into
degenerately bumping uglies with everybody
around like
and then she's like you're just
you're just exaggerating
she walks away five minutes later
right back in the tent she is
like
it's like uh never mind
never mind
she's got
two people flowing
having sex at fall out of
one of the porta-potties and these porta-potties
the lady had only opened up
half of them and then
the literally they were
filled to overflowing in one day
because she opened up so few porta-potties
and they were having
sex in it that night before it got clean
like
yeah
that's still not the dirtiest thing they've ever done
I wouldn't even go into the bathroom to go pee at that point
I was like
if you're so nasty if you're so disgusting
that you can't open up porta-potties
for people to use
I'm not gonna go stand right in a sewer
and go to the bathroom in the sewer
like with my surrounded by sewer
you're supposed to be separate from the sewer
like literally
human feces stacked
above the rim of the frickin porta-potties
yeah I never seen
anything like it
I've seen it a couple of times
it ain't cute
is there an update from the Gerald R. Ford
did they get their plumbing situation figured out
no man no
they're literally in the shit right now
okay
25,000 pounds
of waste a day
that's urine and poop
yep
25,000 pounds
it's how much the crew of
4,600 people
would make in one day
that is roughly the equivalent of
two indian cookfires
it's a lot, it's a lot
how big is the serving
very big buddy
very big
those videos of indian street food
is so wild
my favorite
the best part is when they're just swiping
all the flies away and then hand it to you
you know like with the swarm
of flies just hovering around it
and it just was off it for half a second
while they swiped it away to hand it to you
do they not cook with a lot of vinegar
over there
body parts
all honey
like feet
belly
all the rosy the riveter types
are in india right now winning the war
you know who the first person that told me
like is he
about all that
how bad that culture was is a tofer gardener
oh
and he's like
i realize that all these people in the united states
like oh the indians are so spiritual
you know and all this
he's like they ain't never been to india
he's like that place is such a shithole
and he's a pretty chill
you know not judgmental dude
and he's like that is such a shithole
he's like and then he's like
the people that are in the brahman class
they almost feel obligated
to lie to everybody because
and there's no obligation
for them not to lie to these people
so everything they say to these people
you're technically not even in the class of people
so they just feel like they can tell you
whatever or say whatever to you
and he's like everybody in the underclass
is trying to rip you off
because they don't have anything
yep i had some good friends
i was probably like
i was probably like 23 or something
like that and i'd been to
europe and south america
and i'd been to
senegal in africa
but i'd never
been to
like southeast asia
or anything like that i went to japan
when i was a kid but that was different
and my friend
went with his girlfriend to india
and they were gone for three weeks
and they came back
and they were like
they were hippie hippies
like the most
fucking laid back
tolerant
everybody should be free to do
everything they came back from india
and they were like
holy fuck that was
gnarly
wow i was just
not wow the stink
it was
insane
the smell that just hit you
when you step off of the plane
you're just not used to
open sewage
of 1.4 billion people
on a windy day going
right into your fucking nostrils
it's a lot
you know i mean these are
hippies you know and they're like
oh i can't my
i didn't know
that i had eyeball hair
but it burned off
and again i mean just
the most like peace loving
you know
beads and hemp bracelets
and shit like that
i think the guide
spent more time playing
hacky sax and he did playing guitar
he was a great guitar player
and yeah they're like no
it's it's insane just you should
never go ever never ever
go there's no spirituality
there it's just sadness
it's sadness and a lot of poo
don't do it don't
tofer's in the pink in the piss
drinking cult he still was
disgusted by that place and he drinks
his own pee and rubs it in his
eyes
again that was still too far for
him and he's also kind of
you know
that's hilarious
like if you
thought that their hotel
smelled bad wait till
they are a group together
i
i'm gonna
put a thing in the
the telegram group
that even though
it's for free
we would probably get in
trouble if we played it because it's
you know ben
and they hate it
when we play you know clips
or anything but there's a stand-up
comedian named erin
burg who just
released like i don't know
it's like eight to ten minutes
of just a rant
of him
performing comedy
at some convention in a hotel
or something like that
and there's
the next room over
is like an indian
wedding party or something
like that and it's him
freaking out
for eight
to ten twelve minutes and it's
called stink
we're definitely watching
this on the after show
if you don't have a membership
and welcome to all the new members
yeah if you
we put up a ton of
member only content
that where we really just don't give a
shit it's just for our members in the first place
so we
hang the balls out
uh i don't scream well steve's
never there but i don't
he makes jim make sure to take
his place as soon as steve's gone
what do you mean we can't play 83
videos what do you mean we can't
watch a fucking mainstream movie
on stream
while everybody else is watching that's in
theaters what are you talking about
neither of us say that
you exaggerate i might have been
exaggerating slightly every other
tuesday we watched labrunton we sing
along
ted alan does that
none of the rest of us
are there but ted alan does that
every tuesday yeah
you remind me of the
don't do it
from the collar bone
down ted alan
ritualistically shaves himself
to the labyrinth soundtrack
it's also
but you gotta understand that there's a
function to this steve it's not just like
it's a weird sexual kick
hang on we gotta congratulate howard
for becoming a new member here
thank you very much howard
we loved
your comments and actually
i was thinking about
you earlier
you were over in the
but welcome howard
yeah we try to put up a lot of
extra if you if you don't if you aren't
tired of fucking listening to us after
two or three hours and
we usually every week put up
another at least two or three hours
of us
and that we don't
it's just for the members so it's
uh
we're not
worried about it that much
you know we still don't break to us
but
all the copyright infringement dings
and everything else we just quit worrying
about it so we will definitely watch that
because that sounds hilarious because if you've ever stayed
in an indian hotel the second
you open up the door to the hotel
you know
you didn't know it was indian before
you what when you walked up to it it's like
a super eight franchise hotel or something
and you open that door you're like
indian hotel like
bam that hotel
just
curry just like
i'm gonna
every poor of the hotel
i'm gonna give you 30
seconds of it
no no context other than the context
that we've given
it wasn't even 30 seconds
there's two a's and nann
well stop and talk for a minute at least
it wasn't even 30 seconds
i was waiting for a break
i wanted him to talk to the black
lady that was the whole bit it takes about
23 seconds to get there
and we got there
calm down
said steve
he doesn't get the email saying
chewing him out 12 minutes after the
show every week
it's up for free on youtube
nobody's making any money off of that
how many times have we repeated that
statement
that's berg
berg
like the ice
yeah like the lettuce
like the lettuce
pertains to the water
the airberg is pretty funny
he is but yeah that whole
like just
to watch somebody lose it like
that and be like fuck my set
no we're just we're going in on it
and then you know
be like you black lady
black lady you got to go out there
and talk to him i can't
i'm a fucking bull
they're going to take it all wrong
it will be much less
offensive
coming out of you
what do you mean me
you
just go tell him
turn that down
not the completely arian looking dude
right
but yeah yeah
but yeah the
the whole the whole rant
is just it's that
on steroids before
yeah the better part of 10 minutes and it's
hilarious
that's why we keep Marcus around he's our
DEI higher
right eight and a half
minutes eight and a half minutes of that
a little
bit less than the bilber
Philly rant
oh that was cool
that was good
it's up there man it's up there
he wasn't doing it in front of a stadium
but damn
dude it was beautiful
this is about my percentage of
Pocahontasness
am i diversity higher
oh well
i'm being out of the four of us probably
well you're the only one
that's not all white
otherwise they were going to call
this white nationalist and we're going to be like
yeah but we're friends with Marcus
right
i am the least white guy
on the stream
he's not pure blood
did you
did you read the Babylon B article
i sent you
you sent me a Babylon B article where
uh
maybe it didn't go through
man was awarded for
monitoring the war situation
online
they awarded him for that
can you plug me in baby
this is an
honest ceremony at the white house
president trump awarded the medal of honor to a man
who was up all weekend monitoring
the situation and i ran from his home
computer the administration confirmed
on monday mike mckenzie of denver
colorado was recognized for valiant
efforts going online to follow
the news on the us israeli
strikes against iran and sharing his
findings with his 38 followers on truce
social
no
thank you
no uh
no word if that white hat
trump war is available
as merchandise
or if the original one is up for
auction
it's amazing too
how i'll have the
the
knowing that people had no problem
pivoting to you can't have
iran running around rogue
white hats are in control
that that was that that was an
extraordinarily quick pivot
i'm not even gonna miss but no
no gotta go to war with iran
preemptively
oh
the i mean even in
even in the language
of just the
the last couple
of days of bombs going
off and stuff it's been amazing
to watch them
just sit there and pivot and pivot
and pivot
yeah yeah if you're keeping track
the february 28th
completely and totally obliterated
a rand war already
won march
first tehran will be taken in three
to four days march
second it's four to five weeks
we're not doing forever wars
anymore and then last night
that wars can be fought forever
yeah yeah you know because
we all remember that iraq was gonna
be which is much smaller was gonna
be overnight no problem and
you know a decade later we were
oh hey billions
of dollars and lives lost
and
the united states munitions
stockpiles have at the
medium and upper great medium
grade never been higher
or better or better
as i put
i put a slightly chinese accent on
that didn't i as as
was stated to me today
we have virtually
a virtually unlimited supply of these
weapons which
i'm gonna assume medium grade
includes
the ones that steve was showing us
earlier wars can be
fought forever and
very successfully using
just these supplies
holy fuck
yeah
yeah that was the guy
that people a year and a half ago
were running around going
he's the peace president
and we're not gonna get
into any stupid regime
change wars with donald jump
and dub yet because
you're you know dumb as a bag
of hammers and twice as gullible
well my biggest
somebody find the video
of him fucking when he was on that fucking
talk show with bill and hillary
clinton and talked about what he would have to do
to be president
he would run republican
he would pretend he's christian
you know who knows it be through
the anti-war in there
like the there's no such
thing as an unpopular anti-war
candidate in america over
and over if a third
party option is allotted
like even bernie who wasn't third party
or trump they just
both said we're anti-war and the people like yeah
we back that we got we got
we got that we're tired of these wars
we don't want to spend billion
hundreds of billions of dollars
when we're 38 trillion in debt in our country
in our country's living conditions
well trump could have spent a little bit
more money and my biggest disappointment
was when he gets in front of the podium to
announce what the attack was
he's wearing a white hat
he could have painted
the american flag on his face
and really went all out for this
you like the ultimate warrior
like his true social profile photo
give him
give him the same
mullet wig the drusky war
when he did whiteface
that'd be great then
for some people
the ultimate goal in life
has been becoming the president
of the united states
would you like to be the president of the united states
I really don't believe I would
but I would like to see somebody
as the president who could do the job
and there are very capable people in this country
most people who are capable are not running for office
most men are frightened of politics today
it is a shame isn't it
most capable people
are not
necessarily running for political office
and that is a very sad commentary on the country
they had major corporations
and they had this and that
but they are not running for political office
why wouldn't someone like yourself run for political office
who have all the money that you possibly need
you've accomplished a great deal
even though you are only 34
I know there's a lot of things that you possibly can do
in the years ahead
why wouldn't you dedicate yourself to public service
I think it's a very mean life
I would love
and I would dedicate my life to this country
but I see it as being a mean life
and I also see it as somebody with strong views
and somebody with the kind of views
that are maybe a little bit unpopular
which may be right
but maybe unpopular
wouldn't necessarily have a chance of getting elected
against somebody with no great brain
but a big smile
and that's a sad commentary for the political process
television in a strange way
has ruined that process hasn't it
it's hurt the process very much
I mean the Abraham Lincoln's of the world
Abraham Lincoln would probably not be electable
today because of television
he was not a handsome man
it's a wrong one
I thought it was that interview though
or was it the Barbara Walters one
I didn't get Barbara Walters
Walters
Bob Walters
it was one or the other
what's up doc
I still love watching those
old Bob Walters
this sounds like
political presidential talk to me
I hate this stupid music
would you ever
probably not
but I do get tired of seeing the country
I just don't think
I really have the inclination to do it
I love what I'm doing I really like it
also it doesn't pay as well
but you know
I just probably wouldn't do it
but I do get tired of seeing what's happening
with this country and if it got so bad
I would never want to rule it out totally
because I really am tired of seeing
what's happening with this country
how we're really making
other people live like kings and we're not
you've said though that if you did run for president
you believe you'd win
well I don't know I think I'd win
I tell you what I wouldn't go in to lose
I've never gone in to lose in my life
if I did decide to do it
I would say that I would have a hell of a chance
of winning because I think people
I don't know how your audience feels
but I think people are tired of seeing the United States ripped off
I can't promise you everything
but I can tell you one thing this country would make
one hell of a lot of money from those people
yeah they're not playing they're not
showing that part dude it's fucking
let's make a deal
Oprah what's up with that lady
the two ends are what get in trouble
you damn straight anytime you play
any kind of music Steve played
music by like his
I don't know vaguely related person
and fucking
we still got nailed
for it
must be very famous
whistle a tune
you know it's
that's the end of that
sounds like music
someone must have made that music
even I did successfully do it
it sounded music for a minute
and didn't get yet
so although probably
because we were so off key they couldn't recognize it
thought you guys were doing rocky
horror
you know
Steve might feel pretty but
I'm just dead sexy
guys gotta feel pretty every now
and then
so pretty
that was not a sound
of music
he didn't say sound of music
springtime for
yeah
it's fair
I did that piece
of Oprah tripping on stage
and Janie said
Janie said that that wasn't a real
flip of Trump saying that
you know I've heard that
and I've heard that it was
like a misattributed quote or it was
just a screenshot
I
you know
the internet's a weird place
it is but I'd
swear I watched that years ago
yeah
you would think
before the fuckery was as high
as it is today anyways but
but
I recall
him saying and see I thought
in the video
I thought in the video I saw him doing it
he was sitting with
Bill and Hillary
and I thought they were laughing
and yucking it up about it
does anyone have an urge to
as he was a Democrat
a dog
donate to an animal shelter
I don't know anything about 4chan
Janie says it was
from 4chan
okay
well first there was 2chan
and then there was 4chan and then there was 8chan
and then there was an infinitychan
I mean you know
regardless there was
an 8chan yeah and there was a 2chan
but
regardless of whether that particular
quote is accurate
or not like the shit that
he was saying to Oprah
or to fucking whatever
New York show that would interview him
it's the exact same nonsense
it's the exact same
bullshit
you know I did fucking
for anybody thinking that
Trump wasn't 100%
selected
in order to make sure that
this digital prison got built
that the war with Iran
happened that fucking
you know venezuelan oil got
captured and all that stuff
in service of the technate
if you think that it's for anything other
than in service of the technate
you are lying to yourself
you're selling yourself
a bill of goods that
doesn't exist
he's got a valid point people think
we went to the moon so it really
at any point in time that could have just been made up
that's valid
for short
yeah
I don't know the amount of people that
earned themselves
a fell for it again award
over the last year
is substantial though
that's for sure
you're like wait
wait how could possibly
the guy who's
an actor and a reality
tv star and in the world
wrestling hall of fame for being a
pretend bad guy how could
that guy possibly lie to me
how could the guy who doesn't pay his
contractors not be an upright
businessman how could be a person
who's been sued for
everything from child rape
to fucking fraud in a million
ways over
great steve
you're right I'm sorry I forget
that we live in a cartoon
where you have to
have cutesy
fake imaginary words
that distract from reality
in order to make their advertisers
happy because
YouTube isn't exactly
cable news but worse
it's offensive to grapes
like I said we need to totally make
a new George Carlin's
dirty words only
surrounding the social medias
where they just
and then somewhere at the end of it
it needs to be put in there that
this list changes day to day
all doctors refuse to
learn new tricks it's
you know the young
people are forming their
speech patterns but
the old guard
do you think they're gonna
bullshit dude this is only in the last three
years or four years that YouTube has done
this shit we all fucking remember
YouTube before COVID
that this is nonsense
it's absolutely dumb
like it's deliberately dumbing down
people it's deliberately making
people you know it's
diminishing the impact
of anything that can be stated
in order to
try and prolong
however much fuckery they possibly
can I hate it dude it's dumb
also don't use the C word
what
we need one of those things
we need one of those things from demolition
man next to Steve that
that spits out little fucking
little fine tickets at him
are we gonna get you a buzzer so you can just
right
he gotta be real pissed off when he doesn't know
how to use the three seashells though
gonna put a shock collar on him and just
buzz it every time he says
a word
right
he's getting it
all out now because that would be funny
Steve is the main star
of the raging tomato panel on
Thursday
where he will not say any of these words
so he's gotta get them out of his system
I'll have my little post-it note
thing
run or the dry run
before the show
we already have it planned Steve and I are
meeting half an hour before the show and he's
just gonna say the F word
for the entire half hour before the show
that way it doesn't build up
on him
he's gotta
empty the reservoir
we need to document a history of Tourette's
Ben's gonna play me
10 minutes of Jello Biafra
spoken word and then
my situational Tourette's
we'll kick in
I'll get all of the
unnecessary
words out of my mouth
and we'll have a lovely time
we will
actually I got a surprise
for Steve
for everybody that's noticed that Radical Coder
has been missing
for the last few months
that's because I have commandeered him
just for this
and I'm gonna have him talk
for a full 12 seconds
and I figure that is enough
to write in Steve's face
get him to say that for the next
23 minutes
I'll do it
that's a radical plan
poor little fella
I'm gonna
prepare for every debate scenario
the way I normally do
I'm going to show up
armed with the knowledge
that I have and a
near catatonic dose
of cannabis so that I don't yell at people
except for that time
he took and loaded up
with DMT
that was a mistake
this did happen
Ted Jimsworthy
it was the
second to last politician
I ever interviewed
on any of the shows that I did
and this was back in like
2019 or something like that
and I had some
Green Party douche
on
and I fucking
I was not having fun
like I was like
I was half checked out of the conversation
I didn't want to do it
I got not bullied
but like hey would you please
kind of thing
yeah right
okay come on
fucking
okay you're running for president in the Green Party
I'm supposed to take you serious
okay
30.5%
okay
like you're not even fucking one of their pre-selected
loser idiots you're not
you're not Jill Stein
I can't even remember what the fucking guy's name was
I can't
it was something Indian I think
vaguely
you know
and at one point in the interview
I like look over on my desk
and there's
it
out of the corner of my eye I see
a bowl
with like a hit taken out of it
you know and I'm like great
dude I could so use a fucking
puff of weed right now
so I like I click off camera
I just grab a lighter
and grab the bowl and take a big fat
fucking rip because this dude
has been annoying the piss out of me
for like 45 minutes
and we've still got 45
on the clock
you know I'm like god man we gotta make
it work somehow so
yeah and as it hits
the back of my throat
two things happen simultaneously
one is that
flavor memory
kicked in
oh gunpowder and mothballs
that's not a cannabis strain
and at the very same
time
I had a memory
of my friend who looked like
captain caveman from the cartoon
nice
Carrie Coleman god bless him dude
I hope he's doing fucking well I really am
I want nothing but
love and success and happiness and health
for captain caveman
but he had been growing
Changa
on his property
which is a DMT derivative
yeah
and has some of the same psychoactive
components as DMT
and that's what I took a big fat rip of
and so I
exhaled out like
paisley and
kaleidoscope
you know and when I come
to this politician
douche is still just talking
at me
and so I just kind of started
laughing
oh
and then I did
I asked him a couple of
like questions that a
very high person would ask him
and it totally threw him off of his game
and he was off of his
like douchebag politician
talking points for the final like half
hour of it and it was
like the whole thing was hilarious to me
but we got done with it and I was like god
never fucking again
yeah
it's like
so
does everything look geometric to you
what would you do about that
in the upcoming political situation
because it seems strange
I love to see that one
is it still up
um
maybe I can go digging
that could be clip worthy
I can
oh god
I
I would name my bong
we honestly should
just have money in a fucking bong store
because
we break them
or the animals break them
so very consistently that it's not even funny
you name
everyone snowball too
yeah
go with the simpsons
standby
this is also snowball
yeah
like between all my animals
and then we're not that great about it either
fragily
we have
like a specified corner now
where we've somewhat calmed it
where we aren't going through one a month
like we just quit fucking
we just quit I'm going to rip that bong after I get
done with this cigarette Howard
we
we quit going through one a month
but
yeah at that point in time
we were like every time we went to go clean the damn thing
it was just broke so what's the point
you know just get a new one
does that mean I'm analog
I mean because I'll take that
I will fully accept that
yeah
I would accept it anyway
yeah dude yeah it makes sense
I
have tried glue before
never too much success
and I've tried to weld them back
I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue
yeah
never did fish in any of those models
I started
I
got a Ben Franklin
to get the model glue
I saw a guy huff
fucking computer duster once
and pass out and like split his head
on a barbed wire fence
and it was supposed to be my turn to huff
the computer duster next
and I was like I don't know
no you guys can call me a pussy for the rest
of the year that's fine
I have a biterance to it now
and they need your real ID
to show proof of
who you are to walk out of the store with
it wasn't
it wasn't duster or anything but one
time Christy and I got a bottle
of that black walnut that's supposed
to give you a detox and all that
and Christy took a
shot of it and then
like I don't know demons came
out of her or something she made noises
I've never heard her before make before
and she can fall
and I was like
I'm not doing that
no fucking way
I think
I think paint
paint would be
I mean maybe paint and
duster occupy the same
lowest
I would have to say
and this is me old school
I'm old but cooked
banana peels
yeah
I just try doing banana
peels to get high
I think anybody that tried to like dry
out and smoke the
daetora in their grandma's
yard is kind of like right on
the same level
there
nitrous
anything that you're huffing is
probably
lowest lowest tier
yeah
Josh was doing
the nitrous
and cocaine
I'm like so you're doing like the rockstar
drugs in the high school kid drugs
the weird
man
it's a weird combination
it was that's what that was my first comment
on and I'm like
the fuck why are you doing
rockstar shit
and no wonder we have
fucking money you dickhead
right
red bull gives you wings
I mean there is a very
brief period in my life when I was
hanging out on widespread panic
tour where it was whiskey and cocaine
and lsd and that gave you wings
I can see that
yeah
does it have a localized panic version
I'm sure they do
you need to get away to the panic
yeah
actually I'm gonna pee before I hit the death
don't want to cough and piss myself
are people panicking
I think it's world war 3
I think the world is finally ending for real this time
no there's still
fucking around there's still doom scrolling
there's still traffic
nobody cares
everybody's nihilist in 2026
heard something about Larry Ellison
and Oracle company somehow
signing some contract to do medical records
well what
the Palantir already
has them
so what
what Oracle is saying
is that
beyond Palantir they
have the AI
suite of tools
that gets
people into
gets other AI companies
into private data
so Oracle is positioned
itself as the gatekeeper
to allow open AI
Google Gemini whatever
to private data
whereas up until
this point
those other AI companies have had
publicly available data
so they basically
data scrape themselves
into
the same
entity
with differently programmed ways
to deliver
the same information
to what end to update actuarial tables
to
to know what Ellison is saying
what Ellison is saying is that
the publicly available data
it's already scraped
and it's effectively worthless
the privately held data
is where
the actual
money in AI is
that's his contention
I have no idea if he's right
or not but
Oracle is positioned itself as the gatekeeper
to that data so they're going to be the people
that are licensing it
out to
Google Gemini and you know
the chat GPT and shit like that
is that
for like WebMD
style the detailed
gawk your symptoms and it tells you
what version of cancer you have
so you can self-diagnose
through your personal AI
agent and then it will tell you
what medication to ask your doctor
for
interesting comment why does every AI
company have an asshole for a logo
and it's just probably shit
which obviously would
bring you back
to a homunculus
would be my first comment on that
yeah
we'll see
Claude definitely a puckered asshole
oh baby
Steven
is fact checking
Cheney's statement here to see if they're all buttholes
Google
if that's a butthole that's a weird
looking butthole but it is
a kind of a diamond
um
this is
a
Google Gemini
right
the little diamond there
I mean hey look
if that's what your butthole looks like
and you've got a couple of
I've seen the star butthole before
you got a couple of extra
extra buttholes hanging out
in the same general
constellation as your main butthole
yeah
alright
that's hemorrhoids
Steve
okay okay
I'm not judging
I'm not
nobody said this was a clean butthole
but
this is the
XAI logo
do you pronounce that shy
maybe
they're substantially different with the ring
around it or the other one
I know with Chad GPT if you take their logo
and flip it and then you put
those two on top of each other you get
one hell of a star David
hmm
that is a butthole
that is not a butthole
is it a ring
like Lord of the Rings
a lot of those
companies have been
showing that they uh
they've been taking tokeen
ideas to name
well I would
at least hope that unlike
the buttholes that you guys have been looking at
your own buttholes don't exist
in the roblox universe
and you guys can all actually
poop normal
I do
yeah
we recommend magnesium
right
good for you
it unbinds the muscles
and your pooper
hmm
or bear a collegiate coffee
hmm
but what butthole
apparently the first one because the first one Steve
looked at but didn't call if he said definitely
oh Claude yeah Claude AI
it just it looks like the
Nickelodeon splat but more uniform
hmm
he's like that's totally a butthole
yeah
strange angel
was that uh
short-lived series I don't know if they
did they have two seasons of that
hmm
oh yeah yeah
that is a butthole
someone bleached that one
it's a it's a nice one it's not
it's not got the brown yet
the Rosario Dawson
of AI Logos
rosebud
already
haha
holy fuck
I don't want to go I don't want to
go to war with Russia guys
or orc
asshole
the dwarven
hmm
it is a boat Ryan wins it's a bonus
all
right that would be funny if they just
well I mean I guess technically
Tesla
the Tesla logo is sort of in the shape
of a uterus
hmm
and that is what the
that is what the crazy people are calling
the bonus hole
is the machine
it's we live
in a completely inverted reality
at that point
yeah
you and Ryan
hmm
but at what cost
what cost
right
prolapse
oh wait
that was the wrong button
it was
the correct button
they're right next to each other
oh I love buttons
oh fuck
they're right next to each other
pondering the buttons
pondering the orcs
pondering the palantir
it was on prime
Amazon Prime
is that
Prime is
I would
assume it's Amazon Prime
did they do a rings of power series
I've heard about it
nothing I've ever heard was good
it's
started out
right out the gate just wrecking
shit
I went to
a Whole Foods for the first time
in like years
over the weekend because it was
like
the thing that was closest to us
on our way to somewhere else
and
they're asking you at the checkout
if you want to connect your Amazon
Prime account
because maybe
maybe you might get some savings
and I'm like
why would I want
Jeff Bezos
to know what I watch
purchase online
and purchase at the grocery store
that seems weird
unnecessary
kind of invasive no
I'll pass
I do go to Whole Foods when I get a chance
they got
are they doing that there
where they're trying to get you to connect a Prime account
to the freaking purchase
I went to
I went to one on
last week Christy had to go to
dental appointment on Thursday
and down in Santa Rosa and we went
to one
I paid cash and I don't know if I didn't
see it ask I didn't really pay attention
though so I don't know if it asked
no this was the cashier chick
specifically asking us if we
yeah
she didn't
she didn't ask me
and
um
no she just said this is because
I go in there because they have orange juice
that's literally just squished oranges
like freshly and
she's like this is the best isn't it
and I was like YES
it is I come here just for that
I live like five hours away
God you going
all the way to Santa Rosa for an appointment
would suck
dude and that was the earliest
one we could get her into by far
yeah
if uh now she's got to go to Yuba City
fully
because if you want to get one
in the local ones
I think she was like six
or seven months out
and Christy just continually
going to the emergency room to get
drugs is not great
no
gotta get up to get down
like they give her good drugs
yeah
he ruined the joke
back there
don't step on the
punch line
they added knees to this guy
he bends at the knees it's a completely
different technology
what do they call those things
they fill them up with air
and they're outside of the used car lots
get your attention
because they're just waving around in the wind
whacking
I don't know
I can't take
shit and I'm Tolkien's lore I can't do it
I'm already
I'm already deeply
heard about the new dunes
there's a
piece in my soul
oh
I got some news to break
don't don't don't
he's cool
you guys think he's a happy go lucky
we're gonna mute Ben and let Marcus
ruin this for a moment alright
Ben could just shut the fuck up for a minute
go ahead Marcus ruin it for everybody
it's about Zendaya
I don't think she's available anymore
I think she's gotten hitched
I
think she married a white guy
oh god I need a nobody
airs sound drop so bad
I do
what
alright
so Marcus's worst fears have been
realized
the chick that played the worst version of Chaney
ever
Chaney
she's the worst Chaney
by far
so
what is the last over under
totally ruins the whole
dune story what do you think the over under
on me pissing on Dennis
villain away of his head is
100%
yeah
I meet that fucker
so I can't do rounds power
they that dude already ruined
ruined the dune movies
he did rings of power
I don't know
the power I can't watch it shit no way
I mean Rachel tried to watch
it but we got like halfway through one
episode and it was just so woke
all these androgynous
elves
the elves were already
gared in a three dollar bill
you didn't
need to make a
nobody's nobody's arguing
that also gayer than
Elton John in a dick tree
they're just pretty
he can be both
no I wasn't
worried about something so minor
their elven leader
was the guy from Priscilla
queen of the desert Ben
okay
let's just fucking
let's put this into perspective
they had the guy from Priscilla
queen of the desert leading the rest
of the little fairy elves they were all gay
it's okay he's not saying they couldn't
shoot a bow or flip around
and swing some swords they could all do that
they could you know
with style and
an excessive amount of
gold lamay which is
how you know they're
queerer than Liberace
alright that's how you know
they did have surprisingly few children
amongst them I will give you that
not many kids
ten episodes
I guarantee you
out behind all of those ornately
carved elven houses with a fucking
Subaru Forester I guarantee
you gay over there
don't be gay in my lap
you know
Shia?
Sara I already
I'm already preemptively chewing Steve out
about the
TOS words
I got your back
what is that
what
what you guys are
talking about man
we have threatened to raid
the set of
demolition man and get Steve that little
thing that spits out the tickets
at him screams at him
we are approaching the mine
fields topics where words
would just emerge
Bruce Willis in the cab in the fifth
element
you have just lost
that would totally be Steve
the hundred credits
you had an accident
I know
the
absolute
you deep fried absolute
right
well if there weren't so many
it would be more infrequent than it
got pointed out
I don't know what to say man
I don't know
Sara says rings of power sucked
also
I believe that dude
I do
I had problems with the Peter Jackson
lord of the rings because they
cut Tom Bombadil out of it
entirely oh man how do you
leave out
that's like the heart and soul of the
whole fucking story like his message
to all of them is what
that carries
the whole fucking point of it
for the rest of the fucking series
when they're running away from
the race
that's why they stop
it's because of Tom Bombadil
not because he did anything
because they don't get too close
to Tom Bombadil
we don't fuck with that guy
that's his place
you just leave that alone
yeah
but yeah I mean so
from jump I was like ah well
you know I'm sure they're gonna do a great job
I'm sure it's gonna be
fucking awesome
but
if they're
eliminating that element from the movie
it's gonna people are gonna have a totally
different idea of what the story was
walking away from it and that's gonna suck
in my opinion
you know what Tom Bombadil is based
based off of
uh
Burry
Burry Borison
Burry
Odin's dad
from the Hamptons
Borensons or the Berkshire
Borensons
Odin's dad
okay
yeah and that's why
that's part of why he's not affected
by anything because
he was here before Odin before the universe
Tom Bombadil
Tom Bombadil has on
white overalls with purple
hair and a nose ring
yeah and he's actually a black
black woman
right
it's actually the oracle
from the matrix
generous
God
Uncle Ted talks
ruined Hollywood in five
minutes
what pages Tom Bombadil on
this is what you get for
letting Marcus try to ruin things for me
you know what he's been holding
that Eggers is fucking
making a remaking
labyrinth over my head for like eight
months
and he just anytime he feels like
provoking he just
pulls that out
alright
happy in the way
by that
Leonardo DiCaprio guy he holds the rights
to the never ending story
so
if they ever remake that
a lot of these Hollywood places they just hold
the right so someone else doesn't make
the movie
and then the threaten that Eggers is going to do it
is enough to just say okay well we
believe that they're working on it
that's good enough for them
they can continue to hold the rights
a little while longer
Eggers needs to fucking Eggers needs
to do Beowulf
then some
Marcus already do Beowulf
right it would be be they
bomb Bombadil
it would be
he has the power of
questionable sexuality
he has the power of
no
I have the power
of infinite gender
fluidity and they're like you can stay over
there
we'll take the we'll take the low road
way over that way
we will in fact we're not coming
anywhere near you we may be
evil dead spirits but that's
fucking wrong they thumb Bombadil
that's wrong
we're not going to participate
in this
it's not okay
we did not consent
right
this wasn't anywhere
in the fucking seven rings that
we took I don't know
I don't know no agreement
what the fuck was in the ring you
took but it was the fucking wrong you got
that Geraldo ring you give
that back to the fucking fires amount
to Dave on Bombadil we
don't want any
that's another thing that was kind of
horseshit in the
actual movies that were pretty good
but that they never told that Gandalf
is wearing the Elven Ring of Fire
like
why did you leave
that out that's how that's the whole
reason he's able to defeat the Balrog
they did a really shitty job
of explaining that
he's actually not human
yeah yeah like
there's no
yeah there's no this
entity is a spirit of
Maya and he's a physical
incarnation of you know
that I understand
that doesn't translate well to
movie audiences but like
I don't know
just think that he's an old man
because there's a reason that
that old man can do extraordinary
things because he's not an old man
he's a primordial
magical being
yeah
you gotta take modern physics
out of this equation
Tom Wombadil
Wombadil
that's fucked up
not right
horrible
Amazon now has the rights to the
James Bond franchise moving forward
wow
when they put the blonde in there it was ruined anyways
Daniel Craig
yeah
the action star
James Bond instead of the slob
the last
the last James Bond was
Pierce Brosnan
yeah
they had that horrible fucking Madonna
song
that was the one
is that the one they did the fucking
I guess I'll die
another day
yeah
Halle Berry
was the Bond girl in that one
I think
she was one of the girls
yeah
but yeah
yeah
James Bond isn't supposed to be
like some giant muscle headed
fuck you know
yeah no he's supposed to win
like you think you're winning and all
sudden oh surprise no it was all
part of his little setup thing with his
trick and his toy and all this
and yeah he doesn't muscle things
like the muscle
the action star Bond
just I absolutely couldn't do it
they were changing the face of masculinity
so if you weren't super muscular
then you weren't a man
and at that time they were selling a lot of protein shakes
and gym memberships and things
so you want to look muscular
and they can sell products
and training and coaches
yeah the Gal Gadot IDF
super super J spy
it would just totally be honeypot though
I thought that was like
wasn't that all of
NCIS
the TV show
I'm almost positive like
they had a whole
they introduced a massage
character on that show
and then from then on it was all about
like these joint
US
massage adventures
that they would all
go on and
basically like the massage
was
intertwined with all of these
different government
US government agencies
and shit like that and they really were trying
to give you soft disclosure
but they're painting it like oh
this is a really cool
collaboration
yeah
in fairness there was a subplot
line where she finds out
her father isn't a good guy
okay
things I do not
okay no dude my
my ex watch
I've got
like bits and pieces of
you know a couple of dozen episodes
over a period of years but they all
kind of seem like the same episode
yep
but boy that Mark Harmon
sure is clever and handsome
so I'll be tuning in
next week
they do show his ring at the very end of the films
really
was it a deleted scene
I'm gonna have to come up
we're gonna have to come up with a reason for me to watch Lord of the Rings
oh no extended cuts
oh no I hate it when that happens
boy I guess I'm just
gonna have to wait till it's shitty weather
and hit the dabs extra hard gosh
darn it
yeah it's gonna be horrible
you know
but now I'm gonna have to do this
might even have to make some popcorn
and getting the comfy sweats
and you gotta admit Steve
that the scene with the
when the five armies are coming together
and the dwarves all fucking locked down
on their fucking shields and all of a sudden the elves come up
and sprout up my arms
and just stab it
that was badass
oh dude
I'm not going to
sit here and lie to you
and Jesus and everybody else trying to say that
you know
Peter Jackson can't make a fucking
cinematic masterpiece
I just I took
issue with the Tom Bombadil thing that's all
I agree
although the comment was made in the chat
that it maybe it's better that he was left out
because they would have fucked it up so bad
I had 25 years
ago maybe not man maybe not
that's true
it wasn't it wasn't they didn't have to
gayify and they didn't turn
Aragorn into a total pussy
they didn't turn fucking warm here into a total pussy
true
they were they were some gritty movies
that they were them so good
I really hated that
they were so long though when I was young because I could not
when I was young I barely sat down
and then to sit in a movie theater
for like three and a half hours
you're like fuck me
you're in pain
by the end of that well they did
I saw
one of them in the theater
because it was when I was doing renaissance
festivals and we all went and we all took
fucking a ton of
edibles
and there was an intermission
like halfway through
I remember they
let people up go wander around
for like 10 minutes
shortly after that
it was maybe like a year after
the
second or third one came out
we found a good drive-thru north of
Minneapolis there used to be a drive-thru
and then that was awesome it didn't matter
how long the movie was we had that
we had an Eddie Bauer Explorer with a sunroof
and like a Bose stereo system
and the sound
came through the stereo system
you just had to turn it to the right station or whatever
oh fuck
we'd just sit on top of the sun
sit on top of the sunroof
with our legs dangling into the truck
and just
have a good old time
I love sunroof
in trucks
I used to have an F-150
I had the
I put the biggest escape hatch
it was a sunroof that would go up and down
but you could also pop it all the way out
like
in the case of a water landing
it was so cool though
like any papers you had were like
caught in the vortex and they'd go out the window
in the truck
I had like the back window open it was like
it was like a jeep with
I mean there was like so much sunroof hole
that I felt like I was riding around in
in a jeep with
top off
puppy jack that is Gal Gadot that's who we were talking about
yeah
yeah it's Gal Gadot
super super small
and she's
fucking hot that makes that
that makes that painful
it's hard when you're that hot
Ben likes them
somatic
kitties
not normally no but
that chick is definitely
smoking
that can't be
that can't be all fucking
my blood
yeah
well Gadot sounds
pretty french to me
I don't know
it does
does sound french
good dad
right get it
man I'm not even saying
like I grant her
any mercy and like just like with politicians
the hotter they are the more dangerous they are
well let's call her
gal
yeah gal that's a great name for her
we'll call her gal
what's her name right now that
fucking
what's her name barbie
fucking border patrol barbie
oh former governor
christy gnome
christy gnome a very
attractive woman gets away
with shit that other people wouldn't
the fucking republicans are like
yeah look how hot she is
she ain't got purple hair that's a woman
we don't care what she do look she taking charge
that's a
no yeah
republicans actually got smart
on that and they're like fuck yeah we'll have
strippers be congresswomen
fuck yeah we will
dude in south dakota
she fucking she
vetoed numerous people's vote
not not something that the congress
first put up the bill
the people put up
the people put up the bill
voted on it passed it overwhelmingly
and she still fucking vetoed it
and
him passed
him
passed by like
80 percent and she vetoed it
hmm
well she's no
Nancy Pelosi or uh
Strom Thurmond
hmm
that's true
they're attractive
because she's more dangerous or like
like a Gavin Newsom
oh everybody all
all kinds of women oh he's so handsome
and that dudes that dudes
a fucking nightmare
you know bill clinton
they you know the
the quality of our presidents
changed this you know distinctly
when we started
putting the presidents on tv
and you weren't listening to him on the radio
I will tell you this man the quality
of the representatives
on the democrat side
uh getting kind of lack
luster as
opposed to the
only fans whores
that the republicans seem to be
championing um in fact
let's go to a live look of Ilhan
Omar on
the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives
are you threatening me
you do not want to face the wrath of my
bumhole
yeah that's not going to win anybody
over
that looks
it's just not
uncircumcised whatever that was
and no christy gnomes not
as attractive now as she was
she was a politician
where I'm from
Ilhan out there looking like the fucking
sand worm man
magic was
didn't take the skin off
they added more skin to it
right that's the more skin not the more skin
oh she's the doctor
she went and met a moll
and was like hey dude can I take a little piece off you
add it onto the
his job here
and I can't blame
I can't blame
the small hat women that go after
the white dudes
you know
you gotta get some good genetics in there somehow
can't blame the latinas either
that's right
well you know it's pretty well known
even during the viking era
where there are problems
they're like these white dudes
take showers and comb their hair
and you can't keep the women off them
it's a problem
yeah
so you're going to sell a max body spray
that's the solution
mm-hmm yeah
yeah because I want to smell like teenage angst
dude I don't even know how my kids got
that I think there's like an axe fairy
like I buy the stuff
at my house and my boys would
still end up with axe and they would come
and out smelling like half a gallon of it
you're like oh the fuck did you even get
that
yeah no Conor
went to school one day and it showed up in his
backpack
it's wild
yeah I'm glad he got out
of that phase like several years ago
but he still
buys really shitty cologne
and
wears a lot of it
because he's
20 in a week and a half and
dumb
I feel like that hard sweat needs
right
I hear you Fras
it's not the hard sweat that's the concern
it's the taco bell and fast food
and the foods that are
emerging outward that
create an aromatic palate that is just not as
pleasing
it smells like a taco
I still ate taco bell at least
when I was 21
because I
I don't think I ate it after I was 21
because once you're
not drunk taco bell loses a lot
of its appeal
it's like the first
chart
gives taco bell
the first chart is
the deepest
oh fuck
dude especially
especially back in the day
my favorite thing was
they didn't have this everywhere
except for gyms from the Midwest
you guys remember the chalitos right
oh fuck
the chalito would look like somebody
shit in that thing in the first place
how do you expect it's gonna come out
pre digested
digested
mid digested
shove a whole chalito in your mouth all at once
they were eliminating guesswork
Ben it was a favor
teeth are a privilege
for some people
and then
for like a year and a half there was a chick that
thought I was acute at the taco bell
and anytime I went to that taco bell and she was
working I'd order a fucking
value menu and she'd hand me just like
a full jack sack full of food
demolition man
jack sack full of food
chalitos
did she get sour cream
as well
not on the chalito no
I do want tacos
but not on the chalito
not on your chalitos
yeah
never put sour cream on my chalito
so what's the upgrade
going to a place that serves avocado
taco John's
at least an upgrade
you know potato lays
I don't think
you want the sour cream
they're giving out
taco John
only fast food I've
eaten in like 10 years probably
and only the potato lays
because Christy
Christy had heard me talk about taco bell
so
our taco John so much and
around here they don't have that kind of thing
so I took her to taco John's
and I was like
because she makes some food that smells like
potato lays and it kills me
and I'm like
no I want potato lays
and fucking
she's like
so she'd heard about it so she took
I took her there and she's like wow
these are good
wow
they're engineered to be that way
yeah
yeah they might be made out
they're so delicious they might be made
out of like
children's happiness or something
that has been stolen
could be
we did talk about the blood moon eclipse
that happened a few hours ago
earlier
oh man yeah
I thought it was tonight
it was early this morning
because it was early this morning
a blood moon and a plant
is the mandatory alignment
it's very very cloudy
foggy morning
and we got our new board of peace
we got our new board of peace
that went to war on their first fucking
week of work
Purim
damn near killed him
yeah
so
they killed the
the pope of the
his mom
was that what happened
their head honcho guy
I've never had Del Taco
we didn't have that where I'm from
Jack in the box
we didn't have Jack in the box either
and then I had a friend that was all about it
he even had the little antenna
dude on there
from Jack in the box
it's no matter whatever
you mean the Jack in the box
is that
whatever
when he took me I don't hardly remember
because he took me once there and I was like
this is and this was before I was a vegetarian
it was even before I was a vegetarian
I was like this is horrible
it's like one step above white castle
but it is a Jack in the box
for sure not a snowman
it's whatever
he had a little antenna thing
I don't remember it I was stone all the time
when I hang out with him
there was a time when I would actually get
blazing stone
there was a time
not this time
one time during a blood moon eclipse
no now I feel like
if you've ever had children
or gotten that far with it
when they take Paul's son
Lado and they steal
they steal him
and then they try to flood him with spice
until he can't take it
until he goes nuts
and then eventually he just sits up
and they're staring at him
and he just sits up and he greets over
and grabs a cup of pure spice
like
it doesn't affect
me anymore
it's like
smoking
DMT during an interview
greening out
accidentally smoking
DMT not realizing it
until you've already inhaled it
like
and for anybody that hasn't done DMT
that you don't get any lag time
there's not like
it's not like you've got time to
repair like oh
you know I got 20 minutes
and I'll just quick finish this interview
no as soon as you
exhale
you are gonzo
it's full on
you are flying
there's no lag time
Hunter S. Thompson
so basically he realized
mistake as soon as the taste hit his flavor
pallet and then
it was too late
we don't eat at restaurants
at all at this point
we only ate at Taco Bell
Johns because we were in South Dakota
and visiting my family
we home cook
everything
and it's not even processed food
like my wife cuts up all the vegetables
and makes everything
and all the rues and all that kind of thing
it's all homemade
got a recipe for a homemade chelito
there's a couple of restaurants around here
that are decent but
you know it's
it's rare
when we were down there
we just went to that whole foods and got
some food from Whole Foods and then
put it together some cold food stuff
yeah
there used to be this bakery chain
called Boulangerie
Boulangerie
that is the gayest name
it's French
I mean I knew that
by how gay it was
yeah
oh man
is that a carpeted grocery store
it was not a grocery store
it was a baker
the last place I ate that
I was shockingly amazed by
was actually a bakery
coffee shop
in Las Vegas
we didn't realize it until we were there
and then we were just too fucking lazy to go anywhere else
to be honest with you
but that place
oh yeah my truck got stolen so we had limited
travel abilities
and this place was horribly expensive
but fuck was their food good
just wow
and then there's a place in Laramie, Wyoming
I know
Gemsworthy
goes past there
regularly
there's Sweet Melissa's
she makes everything by hand
and from scratch there
and wow
everything we've had has been five star
just crazy good from there
everything
sounds good I remember driving through there
but there was no time to stop
it was like late at night
there was the
the craziest windstorm blowing through
like 100 miles
you already said you're driving through Wyoming
I already knew that
yeah and like they have a sign that says
don't pull a trailer
a light trailer and drive
a box van
with very little weight in it
and I was doing all those things
pulling Rachel's car
that was huge
we've seen people like you
blowing out into fields
like it's never been to Wyoming
terrifying
there is over 100 mile of wind
hour wind and there is nothing to stop it
like the Wyoming is the plains
and actually the spots where it does get
stopped are actually worse
because then the wind builds up
and goes around it and so once you
get past that's where
you get fucked is you get past one of those
like a little hill or something
and all of a sudden the wind just
and you'll be driving behind somebody
and all of a sudden you'll see him just whoosh
oh yeah
this is how Christy and I
found Sweet Melissa's because we were stuck
in Laramie for like two days
sounds like a great place
it was
they have a great metery too
yeah there's a metery there also
and a nice little head shop
because Christy broke the daver
that's how we found
any of these things Christy broke the daver
we're stuck in a hotel
in the middle of some shit whole town in Wyoming
and we found a head shop
and we go there and they asked if we
and they looked at me
and I know this is
surprising for everybody but
when people look at me they immediately start
talking to me about viking things
and heathen things and they just
they just make that assumption and leave
and
yeah
and so they recommended this metery
and then they recommended
and they're like wow you
check this metery yeah man I was like nice
and I was like we're stuck in town
like well have you eaten?
no don't don't already eat
and then they sent us over to Sweet Melissa's
and
wow so good
horrible parking
yeah
it's a horrible place to park
we actually buy two meals when we're there
because we'll take one on the road with us
because the next time we go to sleep in
ain't gonna have play any place good to eat
two meals each
and we usually share whatever we get
but
Christy's been streaming
that's why she feels free to chat now
it's okay I'm not but
I'm just explaining because for
fucking years you never
included yourself at all
but over on Serra Tomato Panels
Christy has actually
and on
Beth and Beth's channel
is called Culture Corrections
and Christy has
I wasn't even there for some of it
for
some of them she's been going on panels
unsupervised panel hopping
unsupervised
so Christy has been
getting out there that is part of some of the
extra material we've been trying to put out
I think
I've done a run in like
a bunch of shows recently
oh
everybody go check out
um
my phone died
what the hell's the name of
Calcedonian Elixir
or Caledonian Elixir
everybody go check out Caledonian Elixir
I did a really good show with him
the other day
um
had an excellent show
on Serra Tomatoes channel last night
really good about the Iran topic
and we stayed mostly on topic
unlike the
Ted's
I didn't know that was the only
topic I have stuff
for a three hour show on
I did an hour and a half on it
this morning
I wasn't criticizing
but
saying man
we do what we do that's fine
I'm just saying it was much more concentrated
around the subject last night
start pulling articles
right now
and
I kept trying to get you to engage
you kept not engaging
you make like one comment and then just
wander off
puffing on that TMT
pen over there
been a busy day
I don't want to look like a war hawk or anything
people are dying
on this
I literally
just did an hour and a half on it
so it feels like
repetitive
at least to cover the shit that I already covered
but we covered shit that I didn't cover
we talked about it from
angles that I didn't talk about
earlier this morning so I appreciate
that part like a lot
I do it's like hell
for me to have to do the same
show twice in a day
and I don't, I'm not in a situation
where that happens so
dude
it's part of why I quit doing so many shows
like
people don't realize I gave basically the same
alchemy talk for like a year
and a half
sometimes five times a week
I wanted to stab my own face
yeah
yeah dude
I hate
I hate doing repeat material
and I do
like 30
hours of content a week
so occasionally
like there is some stuff that
I play twice
but in a week it might only be
three or four thanks
how many times is world war
three trying to kick off
I mean and legitimately
trying
since I've been doing the show
this is probably attempt number
six or seven
I'm not saying they don't make an attempt
but this one's got some bite to it
lots of missiles lots of bombs
lots of countries
well and I was getting texts
from Garland Nixon
earlier who I do a show with
tomorrow afternoon
on YouTube
on Garland's YouTube channel
you should check that out
if you're a YouTube viewer
Garland Nixon
fascinating individual
but let me let me
read these
because there's you know
screenshots from
news agencies
Iran's Islamic Revolutionary
Guard announces
that its Navy struck
a U.S. destroyer
more than 600 kilometers
off the Iranian coast in the Indian
Ocean as part of operation
true promise for
using
Kassim
380 and
Taliyah missiles
the statement claimed the vessel
was hit while refueling from
a U.S. tanker triggering a massive
fire on both ships
and then
Iran's
Khatam
Al-Arabic something headquarters
affiliated with
the Revolutionary Guard
claims its forces carried out
a precision operation in Dubai
targeting U.S. troops
courting the statement 160
American infantry personnel
were struck with
100 reportedly killed
in an attack involving special forces
and combat drones
no independent confirmation
has yet been issued
so it could be bullshit
or it could be like Ben is saying
where it's escalated
to a point to where
you know
not only several hundred
Iranians have been
killed over the last few days
but now more than
just the six or seven
U.S. troops handful of Israeli troops
now that
no confirmation
but reported to be over a hundred
at this point so yeah
it could be going that way
and that's
to me
obviously
we're Uncle Ted's
on the conspiracy end of things
this literally is all just
one thing
because
if you go back and read the fucking
if you go back and read
uh
the Belfour Agreement
they don't really specify
how much land
they're just helping the return of Israel
and
greater Israel would seem
to be the actual plan
and so
it took it took the build up
we're all very aware that World War One
and World War Two was
pretty much the same war they basically
just had to take a little break
and get some more young men
willing to die up there
and rebuild their supplies a little bit
and then continued on everybody just kind of went off to the side
and drank an energy drink
and Gatorade
so
and yes
the Red Heifer we realize
that they cannot make sacrifices
until they get the return of that
and so
in between World War Two
and now Israel has expanded substantially
but at this point
it's got to expand into
areas that it's
can't do by itself and I think that this
is just a furthering
of what that entire
show
was about
World Domination
Yeah
yeah
the Jew world order
take it all over
and then
people act like well I can't believe
Trump be like that he's a good Christian
he's not just
embedded himself in with the small hats
the Chebad small hats
like the most fucking
radical of the group
how bad?
Chebad
the extraordinarily radicalized
ones
Yeah well that's what
Kushner family is
that's what his grandchildren are being raised
in
the Chebad tradition
you guys
saw
the
I pronounced it with the hard A
the hard C
You guys
saw
who are the
US and Israel
is trying to
reinstall or trying to install
right in Iran
his names
Reza
Pallavi
he's the son
of the former
Shah of Iran
that was the US
puppet figurehead
after the US
overthrew the democratically elected
government of
Iran in the 50s
their operation Ajax
and so Reza
fled
Iran before the fall
of the Shah in 79
during the revolution
he's been living in Bethesda
Maryland
the entire time since
this is some recent
footage this is all real
they got nice produce there
yeah they got
great produce
top shelf very nice
hospitals
good location
if you're going to spend a few years in exile
I recommend it
and since he's
spent nearly 50
in exile
and admitted recently on
Piers Morgan that he doesn't
talk to anybody in Iran
at all
then he is the natural
choice to take over the country
as evidenced by
his recent walk and talk with the people
that want him in charge of the country
we don't need the crappy music
but yeah the gentleman in the middle
there Reza Pallavi
the
this guy right here
the guy with the tiny hat
on at the glory hole
is in fact
Iranian
and his father was
the ruling authority
in Iran for
decades
developed a secret police
service called the
Savark
with the help of the CIA
and
Mossad
which became one of the most
brutal
secret police regimes
in the mid east
that was that guy's dad
that guy right there
Reza Pallavi
who again the US
and Israel
would love to see as the
new leader of Iran
once they're done blowing shit up
or being blown up as the case may be
again
nobody in Iran knows this guy
he's been out of the country
for nearly 50 years
he doesn't talk to anybody there
but he's gonna run it
you see all the security guys
in the back
it's like quite obvious
that these are all security guys standing behind
all these guys
got the sunglasses on
got the mad dog face glaring at everybody
yeah
you gotta flex it
wow
yeah
you know the one thing you can say
is I feel sorry for that guy
I do
apparently he has not
learned the lesson of what happens
to installed leaders
of Middle Eastern countries
by the United States
like you got
a pretty small shelf life bro
that's all I'm saying
you're gonna eat a missile or a bomb here
sometime in the next 10 or 20 years
they'll put you in
and then they'll kick you out
and I don't know
did you watch the video of what they did
to Saddam Hussein
that wasn't great
what about
Momar Gaddafi
yo God
yeah
Gaddafi they
you cannot in decent company describe
what they did to that poor dude
and he was the
leader of the country that had the highest
quality of living in
in Africa
the entire continent
and our friend Hilary was there
and laughed about it
thought it was pretty great
she was there she saw
what did she say
I saw
I heard
he died
we came we saw he died
cackle
yeah
and died in
horrifying ways
here's something that you're not gonna see
on television every day
and that's
an American broadcast
where the reporters are
forced to duck and cover
on live television
because bombs are falling
in the area
so you heard just a little bit there
the air raid siren
I don't want to give any audio to this
because it does have that chiron there
at the bottom of it
but yeah
they're
cutting the broadcast air raid sirens
come on
CNN
CNN reporters
forced to duck and cover
not because they're in the middle
of
an occupied
war zone
but because well technically they are
but because they're in Tel Aviv
boom boom Tel Aviv
yeah
I saw some of the videos
saw some of the videos
you know I mean and that's
different from CNN
reporter sniffing a backpack
yeah
you remember the
fucking Iraq videos
like
while some of the Iraq videos were bad
it was like watching a Mr. Roger's
puppet show
remember the one where the one dude put a flap jacket
on and the other dude puts on a helmet
there's not two flap jackets or two helmets
they flipped quarters
on who gets which one
and then they both
find a wall and shit you're like
get the fuck out of here
you fucking retards
and now with the
you know just like watching a movie from back then
you're like
how did anybody believe this was real
it doesn't look even
good a little bit
or
you have to believe it
where the dude made
a scud missile out of like a fucking
old paper towel roll
with paper hanging off the back
this is how the scud missile works
and it goes to
this is the
the patriot missile and
like
oh fuck
we went to war on this
I'm so disappointed with myself
I was barely 17
when I joined
I was only 16 when I fell for this shit
but I will go beat my own
ass if I had a time machine
like you dumb dumb motherfucker
man
little bit of uh
breaking news
I was totally unaware of this apparently
people are voting
today
it's a primary election
in a number of
yeah
and one of the people that was up for
reelection was good ol
ipatch mccain
dan krenshaw
oh
dan krenshaw
has lost
his primary
ipatch mccain
no longer
a member of congress
at the end of the year
in his term
I have no idea
lost pretty stiffly too
that's not
almost 10 percent, 9 percent
that's pretty stiff
yeah
it's
you know
I don't know who steve toth is
I don't know who owns him
I
but I know that
if this is any sort of
bellwether
the
the ideology
of ipatch mccain
and those like him
is not going to be
successful
it seems like the democracy is working
did california have its primaries
today
I have no idea
I wonder who won
for the republicans
there's like
it wasn't today
there's like three republicans
leading the governor
race
all three of them are above katey porter
good
the primary in california is until
june 2
but
oh dude katey porter
is bug fuck nuts
oh dude it's bad
like when you
show up fourth
in a governor race
and you're the top democrat
and you're in california
that tells you how bad it is
like california is like
yeah there's three republicans
we prefer over you lady
that just means
that we are going to get stuck
with either an only fans model
or like a
fucking stolen catalytic
converter
and I would take a stolen catalytic converter
as governor of the state of california
they would be better than nusum by far
oh yeah
yeah the bar
is set
crazy low on there
like nusum is a fucking
nightmare
just a nightmare
gas here is already back up
to 550
yesterday
you guys saw that california
one of the supreme court
like parents getting their rights back over
their kids being
transition
that's what I mean we
say california
yeah that is the one bright spot
that's happened is
they've taken away california's
bullshit rule
where schools don't tell
the parents about their kids
transitioning they just further
the transitioning
and
propagandize them from school
and hide it from the parents
that shit was nuts
nuts
like dude
the things I pulled my kids out of school
years ago in homeschooled them
and the things I pulled my kids out of school
for so much less
so much less
the minute I
learned that was going on with the school
I wouldn't give a fuck if they were doing it to my kids
or not I would have fucking pulled my kids
right the fuck out of that school
but yeah
they did that up here
they just passed
a thing last year where
if you're a kid 12 and under or something
there's I forget the exact age
but if you tell whatever you tell your teacher
or your doctor has to be
kept secret
from your parents
if you say hey I'm really something else inside
of this body
your teacher
keeps the secret
doesn't tell the parents
they just overturned that in California
that was awesome
I gotta take
off here you guys it's about time
for me to not turn into
a pumpkin but go to work for another
two and a half hours before I go to bed
before
before I split
but
I just
everybody hates
the idea of going to war
in Iran
even the juggalos
or the juggalettes I guess
in this case
yeah we bombed their ass what do you think
I think that's absolutely fucking terrible
it's fucking gay thank you
thank you so fucking much I appreciate it
face we shouldn't be doing
thank you so much look
even juggalos know that we shouldn't be bombing
the Middle East
the last two panels I've been on
I was on a panel last night
and then the caledonian elixir
the night before both panels
were mixed panels
in order to try and get
you know different sides
of this subject both
panels same reaction
everybody on the panel
no this is
not good this is not right
this is not America first
the you know the Trump guys are like
this is not America first blah blah
like nobody's cool with this
if Trump wasn't a lame duck
he definitely would
that's the only reason he didn't do this
the last time because you had
this in a lame duck presidency
he's burned his base
I'll bet you next week
his approval numbers are like
fucking in the teens
very well could be
he likes the teens though
so it'll be okay
where he's most comfortable
Thursday guys
Sarah tomato
Steve's going to go in
royal rumble style
he's going to clear a whole ring for the people
well I'll be in there to back him up
what time is that going to start
typically it starts at
615 pacific so
815 central
so 10
yeah
yeah if you're in the am wake up
telegram group I'll throw a link in
before we go live and stuff like that
her
her intro into it's really cool
it's like one night stand in there
and then all of a sudden this door opens
and a whole group of nights come in and that one guy's like
you know that gets
that gets to be Steve
so
everybody have a good time with that
we'll try and
see what other panels we can do
probably
be on one with Beth again this week it seems like
we trust the
we trust the dive
bar polling method
where you walk into
just you know the nearest
watering hole to you
and you just listen
you hang back
grab a water
just listen
I'm just
I'm just going to say that I trust
the for a good time call
and whatever number is under
that I trust that more than
I trust the public polls
right right it's like Tom Wood says
man whoever you vote for you always get
Tom John McCain so
there's you know
no no getting around that
and boy oh boy are
are we living in the
what
2000
2004 812
16 we are living in the
7th consecutive John McCain
administration of the 21st century
undoubtedly
come
if you aren't a member become a member
we do lots of
after show stuff
mostly make fun of Steve
since he's not there
yeah yeah that's great
that's my favorite time for people
to make fun of me
it is
alright y'all have a fantastic night
we'll see you next week
see you next Tuesday