Carrie Olaje, it is such a privilege for me to have you back on Unbroken a second time.
Our first interview was a little short because we both had limited time, so I'm really glad that you can come back,
because, you know, as I was, we were just talking about a minute ago,
when people understand the stories of SRA survivors, they will be able to understand the world and how it operates.
So, you know, all of our stories and experiences are so important,
and so I'm really grateful that you are willing to share, and I know you share across multiple platforms,
but it's really great to have you back here.
Thank you so much, Matt.
Say was, you know, I was really honored the first time that, you know, you got in contact with me and we're like willing to have a chat with me and everything.
The advocacy work is a huge part of my healing, but I was also really excited just because I've listened to a lot of your own story and your own work,
and you just are very grounded and insightful and everything.
So, I mean, it was an honor the first time, and I'm really happy that I'm here a second time so that we can just continue the conversation.
Good.
So, you've told a little bit about your story, and I'm sure more will come out today,
but I wanted to kind of jump off on what you said last time.
Specifically, you gave this example that you were supposed to, I think it was kill a dog and you didn't want to.
So then the perpetrators basically to punish you and imprint upon you that you have to do what they say,
they started to really torture the dog in heinous and horrible ways.
And I think that's an important thing to kind of talk about because I think pretty much all of us were forced to perpetrate,
and we didn't want to, and sometimes people think, well, you could have just said no, but not really.
So maybe I know we've talked about a little before, but maybe kind of talk about that for a little bit and what that was like.
Yeah, so, I mean, like most of the ritual abuse and like mind control type training,
it's like it's definitely you lay foundations with certain traumas and then, you know, kind of continue to like step it up as you're really solidifying those dissociative parts that are like have the mindset or the abilities that you are after.
So the event that I had mentioned last time and it's often a really common event for me to talk about in just in interviews in general,
because I think just like you're saying like many people have a hard time understanding how you can, you know, get to the point where you're able to, you know, to perform these acts, you know, to be to be a killer,
essentially of like of innocent animals and human beings and everything.
So, so yeah, so the so the event that you had mentioned, and I had mentioned before is essentially there were periods in my life where my mom was off for training because she was in the military as well as my dad.
And my dad would have sole custody of me so there were certain periods in my life where essentially I was in his custody solely essentially sometimes for weeks, you know, and in this particular case it was like a couple months essentially.
And, you know, for context for everyone, you know, we're talking about like, you know, around six years old basically so this is like a small child that we're talking about.
And essentially like it was, my dad would just hand me over to my handlers, you know, it was a military man you don't mind me using names I don't know if I have before on your show.
Yeah, feel free.
Yeah. Okay, so Julius William Gates was the main handler that I had ever since I had moved to Texas but there was prior to that when I was in Washington DC, there was a lot of preliminary training there to make me already kind of like trauma bond or attached to him as like a romantic
partner and as a savior and all this stuff.
So he pretty much took on the bulk of my training from from then out. And this was a time period where I was essentially my dad had handed me over to him and I, you know, for, you know, for several weeks, you know, I was essentially in like a kennel location outside of the
San Antonio area in a little bit more rural area in Texas. And that's kind of like where a lot of the training I had been exposed to a lot of rituals in general where, you know, I hadn't been forced to like a tandem and watch you know animals
or people sacrificed. I had had you know instances where they, you know, were like my dad, for example, would have his hand over mine on a knife, you know, and be killing an animal or a person or something.
And they, you know, convince you that you know you're part of the you know that you did it you did the killing you know, even though you had like no control over what was going on there.
So this next step of the training was essentially trying to get me to have internal parts, you know, internal abuser allied parts that, you know, were completely just dehumanize themselves but also for like not to have any empathy for whatever victims they chose to like put in front of me.
So the bulk of this training was from Gates and then a woman that I always knew as who's like a young adult that I always knew as mistress Diana basically and she had kind of the same role in the cult that I was being trained to to embody you know so she was in in ritual spaces, kind of being a ritual
whore in rituals, also doing more of like the butchering and everything and the actual, you know, execution, sacrificing at these rituals. And I had been shadowing her as like part of the training that I experienced while I was staying in the kennel.
There was also military training going on, I always describe it to people that's almost like you picture how your day would go when you were middle school, you know where it's like different periods of the day are dedicated to different things so it's like every day would kind of be split up into different
different things I was learning sometimes it was military and will falter type training. Sometimes it was just basic anatomy training where they would have, they would have people and animals in like a more type setting in that veterinary clinic that was in the kennel essentially where it would just be learning
kind of like the nuts and bolts, you know, but there's no killing going on you're just learning essentially anatomy and everything. And then there would be parts of the day where I was with her, which was all kind of, you know, she was part of, you know, kind of like that more black mother
sect, you know, part of the very it's a very druidic oven, it was all women typically that were involved in this training. She herself, you know, was responsible for training me how to be, you know, to step into her role to do the butchering to do like the killing at rituals, etc.
And what she had experienced, you know, in that timeframe basically was that when we were trying when they were trying to step up that training to where I would then I would be able to like have a part that of its own volition could actually commit the act of like killing or sacrifice or something of perpetrating
that there was a lot of, you know, there was a lot of holding back, you know, there had never I had never really been able to get to the point where there was a part that completely could just wall off the pain that I was causing or, you know, the reality of like what I was being involved in.
And there was a lot of reluctance, you know, there was a lot of kind of rebellion, there was a lot of, you know, there was a lot of me that still was like not interested at all in participating in this.
And she was having difficulty with that because she was assigned to be teaching me these things.
So essentially, she, you know, gave me a bad review with like with gates essentially to where she was explaining, you know, that she hadn't been able to get me to like, you know, have a part that fully switched and was able to commit these acts.
So, so gates created this scenario, you know, I would assume where they had brought me outside of the kennel. There was like, you know, it was a kind of a sparsely wooded area, kind of a campground I remember there being like a picnic bench, for example.
And, you know, there was a lot of humiliation and rewriting me and stuff like that for not being, you know, not being useful enough, not being, you know, not embodying, you know, living up to their expectations and embodying, you know, the things that I was supposed to do.
And basically, he, you know, he had this dog in like a wire kennel. And, you know, Mr. Stein, I had the knife, you know, and they put the knife in my hand and was just like, okay, kill this dog, you know, and on a certain level, they knew that I wasn't going to because of that point, I had not been able to do that, you know.
So, so I, you know, I refuse, you know, I'm like crying, I'm not interested in, you know, killing this perfectly innocent dog.
And so their next step basically was to, you know, to put lighter fluid on the dog and then set him on fire, so that he was, you know, like running around the clearing screaming like a dog would that's, that's on fire and everything and
you know, just, you know, very shock and awe like a lot of these really imprinted training things are, you know, where, you know, it's just your, you know, completely breaks your heart, you know, but it's also very like a very, you know, visceral and real experience, you know, the trauma that you're witnessing and
and essentially, you know, at a certain point, you know, the dog stopped running, you know, and was like was on its deathbed.
And at that point, you know, they put the knife back in my hand and walked me over to the dog and essentially told me kill the dog, you know, so, and at this point, you know, it was the dog was going to die anyway.
But at this point, it's like, you know, you are, you know, you're feeling like you're, you're helping the dog in that case because you're ending their suffering, you know, and it's like when you see how much I love and being like that suffering, it's like you just, you know, it's like at that point, you know, it's like a God over
whatever was holding me back, you know, and, you know, I just I killed the dog, you know, I slit his throat.
And, you know, stabbed him like I was trying to do essentially and
and that like moment, you know, that was that it had the intended effect in my system that they wanted, you know, which was essentially, it's, it's, you learn that there is no way out of
of doing what they want you to do that essentially if you resist, you're not only making it worse for yourselves because of course they had been threatening me, you know, they had been, you know,
doing things to torture me or threatening me, you know, with like, you know, deaths or loved ones or all kinds of stuff, you know, trying to get me to like to do that up until that point and it hadn't worked.
But at that point, you know, it was like a very real experience of being like, okay, like, if these people want someone dead or something dead in this case, you know, like, I can resist it as much as I want, but it's not going to change the fact that this dog is going to be
dead. And is it going to be dead quickly and mercifully, you know, or is it going to have, you know, am I going to resist and make, you know, increase the pain increase the torture, but not change the outcome basically.
And so that was a very like pivotal like anchoring memory for me that, you know, that my butcher parts that everyone, you know, all these parts that were forced to perpetrate later on, you know, kind of had at like their core, you know, where they were split off where
they, you know, they, they were built on the foundation of this understanding that, you know, if we are, you know, were directed to a victim and told that that victim had to die in any, any way that they said basically that it was something that we would obey without question.
Otherwise, the alternative was going to be much worse essentially.
And, and that I do bring that, you know, it's like, like, I show various levels of emotion when I'm talking about this stuff because I'm pretty dissociated from it, but, you know, it's, it's certain things, you know, it is hard not to, you know, not to get a little teary about and everything because for obvious reasons, like, but also because it's like it was like a very, you know, it's a lot of people I don't I think don't realize
like how kids that are forced to perpetrate in these trafficking type situations are these cults, you know, how trapped and powerless they feel. And that's kind of why I bring it up a lot is to is to show that it's like, you know, put your six year old self into the shoes that I just talked about, you know, to anyone out there and think of like, you know, what what what would you come away with, you know, like, it's like it's it's a very, you know,
it's a very calculated scenario that's going to come force the victim to come to a certain outcome in their mind, you know, and it's actually it's using our love as a weapon against us right using our compassion and our, our ability to feel for other living beings which they don't have.
And I mean I can't tell you how many times I was put in those situations and it's always a choice like I remember once in the underground facility that they had kidnapped a whole bunch of gypsies from the streets of Rome and lined them up in this room is just a bare concrete room with a drain hole of course and these hoses on the wall you know to wash away all the blood and everything.
And I was given a gun and told I had to shoot this woman in the lineup she had a little girl, a daughter obviously with her men and women, and either I shoot her, or they will shoot all of them and they were like, I don't know 15 of them.
So what the hell kind of choices that so I have to kill one, or if I refuse then 15 people will be killed.
So there's no, I would always be and I was forced into many of these very specific kind of choices. You either kill this one, or we kill all of them, or, you know, and sometimes my younger sister would be used you either, you know, you either kill this stranger, or we're going to, you know, and I would say no, well then we're going to kill both including your sister, you know.
So it's, it's, that's a weaponization of our love. We don't want to harm, and then given the choice to have 15 people die or one, I shot the woman.
And then the aftermath is your killer. Yeah, you've done it, you know, and putting this identity into us. And it's, honestly, I find the perpetration that I was forced to do the most traumatic parts of what happened to me.
The times I was, you know, gang raped or tortured in a thousand different ways, pales in comparison to that. But again, that's a weaponization of love, isn't it?
Yeah. No, I mean, it really is. And I mean, I think ultimately, like they are interested in having, having kids that are, you know, have gotten to a place where it's like it's simpler, you know, and are on the path to themselves becoming like a psychopath or sociopath, where, you know, they are able to just make the
calculations early on where it's like, okay, it's me or them. And, you know, I'm not really going to resist as much. But I think for the ones that really, you know, become DID and get out of it was essentially is because we do have such a strong connection to our love and to our compassion and
everything. And, but that being said, they, you know, once, once they know that's what they're dealing with, you know, it's like then they know exactly the scenario, you know, like you said, it's like, well, if this kid is going to maintain, you know, their feelings of empathy, their feelings of love, you
know, making us assets for one reason or another, either for doing things or for making money, etc. that, you know, they're, they're definitely going to try to, you know, to have us do what they want by any means necessary. And yeah, it's like I think, I think for them, you know, love is just because they
don't, they don't experience it themselves, you know, really, it's just another tool, you know, it's a weakness to them, you know, that they see, you know, that it's just another tool that they can use to essentially, you know, force us manipulate us, you know, to into being and doing exactly what they want, you
know, but I mean, that's also why I'm sure it's like the kind of thing that they overlook when we do get out, you know, and why when not just us, you know, but the world in general is waking up is because so much more people want to hold on to their humanity and
stuff and not a certain level, it's like when being forced to perpetrate, you know, is really, you know, is really a protective measure that allows us to kind of like, bite our time, you know, until we are in the position where we can, where we do have some
control, you know, and some ability to, to get out, you know, and to heal and everything, but I am 100% on the same page that I think the biggest boundaries to my own healing and most survivors healing often is just is the force perpetration, you
know, that happened to, to, you know, our own body and psyche and everything, but I think it really is like, you know, it's the biggest hurdle for most survivors and the biggest thing that keeps them in, you know, addiction or, you know,
suicidality and depression and everything is, is this inability to want to like look at the times that we were forced to perpetrate because it's like you said it imprints that identity that you are, you know, one of us,
you know, that you're now a murderer, you're now, you know, you're now like on the side of evil, not the side of good, you'll never be accepted on the side of good because you have, you know, across that line and become the thing that you never
wanted to be and you'll never be accepted by the side of good. So for those parts, you know, we were talking about perpetrator parts or that is like, that's the, you know, the attachment and the survival, you know,
the survival kind of like logic or strategy that they've had to come up with is, you know, that, you know, they see themselves as loyal or part of the cult because they'll deep down feel like that shame and know that they'll never get
accepted or forgiven by, you know, the rest of the world or good people or something, you know, it keeps you, keeps you very much stuck in those, in those areas and keeps those areas walled off and also allows them to
exploit those areas, you know, so that they can use you for their dirty work, you know. Yeah. And, you know, and that and I think that's something I've thought about that a lot. And I think that these, these perpetrators, these cult people, they have, you
know, occulted, which just means hidden or secret knowledge about everything about us, our psychology, but also about how things work, ethereally, you know, quantum physics, like and all of this, and I believe that they know about karma, they
know about cause and effect. So they will use us, for example, us survivors, but also the whole of humanity to do what you just said their dirty work, right. So that's part of them escaping responsibility for, for that. And so you mentioned training,
right. And so, I just want to point out, it takes a lot of training to turn a normal human child into even still reluctantly and out of terror and fear, doing these atrocities, right. And so that's something I think is important maybe to touch on the amount
of resources and time and energy they invest in training all of us and people may have heard about MK ultra or monarch programming or beta sex kitten programming or theta or delta or all of these things.
And that's the whole point. They're using us to, to mold us into certain abilities and, and, and altars and people that then we will do their bidding in this that or the other arena right so
you mentioned that you were trained as a butcher and just the word is kind of horrible, right. And but the cult needs butchers for what they do. And then I think if I remember correctly, you may have also been groomed.
And it sounds like from the, the Diana person to be also a mother of darkness right correct me if I'm wrong on that. But maybe for people who kind of don't understand this like talk about how you've been trained and like what your roles were within the cult.
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So, like anything like I started off with, you know, it's like there's like, there's like a progression, almost like a formula, it feels like that they have, you know,
It's scientific.
Yeah, every scientific. Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, they've been doing it for generations, you know, and then, you know, you bring in all the knowledge that came from the concentration camps and mangala and anoptes.
You know, it became something that like had, you know, it's like something you can write a textbook on, you know, where it was, you know, understanding developmental ages, understanding, you know, personality types,
understanding all these different things, you know.
So, I mean, so much of it really is about not just the torture, you know, it is about the trauma bonding, you know, it's about, you know, how Stockholm syndrome works.
All these things work to essentially normalize really horrible, evil behavior and make people loyal or, you know, feel attached to or loved by very abusive people.
So, I mean, for me, I don't know, and you're gonna have to remind me if I've talked about any of these things on American like.
I think it's fine to repeat it. And what you just said, I want to highlight something you said. They weaponize attachment as well as love, because attachment is the most important human need we have.
And so you're absolutely right. They use trauma, love, trauma, love. So they create a trauma bonding, but because we need that attachment, we will attach to the perpetrator.
So I just thought that was brilliant what you just said.
Yeah, well, it's true. I mean, it's like, if you're anyone puts themselves in the space of a small child, especially like an infant or a father or something like you, you see adults as, you know, the people you rely on, you know, for your emotional needs,
your physical needs, you know, your, your survival, you know, the, the, the opposite of attachment is abandonment and the idea of abandonment for any, you know, small child means death, you know, it's like our brains are the same as they were.
When we lived in caves, you know, like it's like, it's like, am I going to be just left alone in the forest to be like picked off by wild animals or I'm going to do whatever I can to stay with whatever this group of adults is that I'm around essentially.
So, you know, the foundational stuff for me when it comes to really, you know, comes to the Black mother training and was foundational for like the butcher training and all of that stuff.
You know, it came back to kind of like the same initial memories, which was, which was the ritual for me that happened in Washington DC before we had moved to Texas.
So, and that was essentially, you know, it was a, it's, it's what laid the foundation for me being, I guess, considered part of like the mother of darkness, you know, kind of coven, basically, and having a part of myself, you know, that from toddler
age, like two and a half, three years old, had already identified, you know, these people are the group that I belong with, you know.
And, and for me, you know, for with that ritual, it was essentially, you know, my, my mom wasn't around, you know, it was my dad watching me and he handed me over to, to these older women, essentially, that took me by car to someplace
you know, we passed by things that were recognizable kind of Capitol Hill looking.
I'm not sure exactly which building it was, it was like a very official looking building with columns and stuff like that that we essentially ended up going underneath, you know, so this was like a subterranean chamber, essentially.
And they were, you know, at that point they were, you know, full on was like black robes and everything so I was with all women.
And, you know, still wonder if I was like drug some to because it was very common for me to experience, you know, throughout the training that, you know, hallucinogens are different things, you know, were, you know, sedatives, all kinds of things are like, you know, they use all of it,
basically to also alter your mind state in addition to the trauma and like, you know, the trauma bonding, all of that stuff.
But it was essentially, you know, going down through stairs and, you know, and tunnels to where we were in this massive underground chamber.
And it was there was it looked like something out of like ancient battle on or something, you know, it was like almost like sandstone looking lots of columns.
Like, it's hard for me to describe how huge this this chamber was is really, really large, really large area. And at one one end of it was like a dais that had a seated like bullheaded, you know, God type figure.
And it was like kind of like a stage. Other end of it was like a smaller dais that had like a sarcophagus and some seats next to it was was pretty far away because once people filed in.
And there was, you know, it's when you're toddler it's hard to conceptualize this stuff, you know, but it was a lot of people, you know, it was like at least 100 people, you know, that were also black row that were there to filing but essentially, I was brought to the stage.
You know, the dais whatever you want to call it, you know, it had an altar essentially a stone altar in front of this just bullheaded deity.
And they, you know, once everyone else had arrived that was not on the stage it was just there to witness.
It was essentially them. And I don't know why like one of the things that stands out to me is that it was just people, it was people, men, women people all ages that were here to like to basically witness this ritual.
Well, yeah, I particularly remember, you know, at many of the rituals, you know, they even being people that were elderly enough, you know, to be like a wheelchair.
So it's not like that, you know, which to me I don't know why it's just a detail that stands out.
But in any case, you know, torchlight very, you know, what lots of, I don't know, I feel like they put a lot of like effort into the look of these rituals and the setting, essentially.
And essentially they, you know, I was seated on chair off to your face in the stage off to the right of the altar.
And, you know, one of the black mothers that had been with me, you know, she goes out and basically is announcing to this crowd of people that they're all here for me, basically, you know, that they're here to witness like an inducting,
basically, of me into all of this, you know, into this order, this cult, whatever.
I wasn't paying a kind of attention and alive it doesn't really make sense.
It really makes sense to me that being like a toddler, but it was very clear that that there was she was saying, you know, this full ritual everything that was about to perform was for me and for, you know, I don't know.
So in any case, you know, it's like, after she finished her like introductions, whatever the crap she was saying, you know, they brought me over to the altar, and essentially like, like, raped me with this like golden phallus like it was like a small gold penis,
basically. And, you know, pretty much, you know, was saying that it was was representative of like the gods, you know, phallus and then they essentially like left it in me.
Sorry. This is very graphic, but I guess, you know, this is kind of stuff that I do try and share my testimony just so people can actually have like, you know, we don't talk in general.
You know, at least I don't tend to talk in general is too much.
No, it's good.
They're there.
Yeah, so sorry, but still apologies to the viewers. I know this stuff can be secondhand traumatizing.
And then they essentially like use like gauze to like wrap me up like a mummy basically with this thing still in still inside me.
And like I said, I was toddler at this point. And then they like removed once I was all wrapped up, you know, they removed me from the altar and sent me back on the seat at the side of the stage.
And essentially, after that, they brought in the sacrifice victims, which was three little girls that were my same age, essentially.
And they brought in these like brute type guys that were very like, I don't even know, like Conan the Barbarian dress, you know, very like one clothi just whatever, large muscular guys.
And they proceeded to like, basically gain rape.
One girl at a time, you know, until like, and brutalize her until she had like, you know, had died had passed away, you know, on the altar and then they would, they would pick up the body and they would put on the lap of the
of the bullheaded God, essentially, and then they would bring up the next one and then, you know, rinse and rinse and repeat, you know, until they had, you know, three of these little girls body stacked on on this, you know, the lap of this God,
essentially, and there was like a small kind of like bull type construction that was kind of collecting any blood that was dripping down from them.
And then, you know, a black mother, you know, black roped priestess type person went out, you know, and kind of concluded the ritual, essentially, and everyone filed filed back out.
So, then we were alone, again, in this in this room. And at that point, they, you know, they, they picked me up and carried me to the opposite end of the room where there was that Dias with the sarcophagus in it.
And one of them brought essentially like a little saucer low bowl of the blood from the altar, essentially.
And then that sarcophagus had, you know, maybe like a couple feet of water in it, and almost like some kind of like ropes draped against it.
And so they basically like stood me at the edge of that of that sarcophagus, and then drip some of the blood in it and then like, and then basically like push me in, you know, and I was completely bound.
So there was no ability for me to like, you know, do anything other than, you know, just, you know, basically beyond the order of drowning, essentially, and they use the ropes to kind of like quickly like haul me back up before I did drown.
And they just started like rapid fire asked me these questions, you know, that didn't really make any sense to me. And I was behaving like anyone would imagine a toddler would in this situation where I was, I was crying and sobbing and freaking out and gasping for air and didn't answer any questions they were asking of me.
And then so then they would proceed to like dunk me back back in essentially and it happened. I don't know how many times, you know, where like they pull me up, you know, before I drowned and then they would ask me these questions and then, you know, I'm freaking out and then push me back in.
And at a certain point, essentially, like, when they had pushed me back into the water, there was like a moment of feeling like there was like there was almost like another, another consciousness or something like in in my body basically to where it's like, I was in the water, but I was completely
still. I was not afraid, you know, and it was almost like my eyes just kind of like snapped open, and I just like glare, you know, I was just like out of like like how dare you type of like type of feeling you know, and that time when they, when they pulled me out of the water, basically,
can you hear my dog should I go get her now or, you know, okay.
She's, she's in her, in her little little comfy spot right now so.
But essentially that last time that they pulled me out they started asking me questions, and I was, I was able to respond to them, and they, you know, they were happy about this essentially and they proceeded to like, you know, pull me out of the water.
They wrapped like a big kind of like fluffy blanket around me and there was a chair off to the side of the sarcophagus as well. And they sat me on there, they put like a, and this is kind of some stuff I've seen almost from like an out of body perspective, you know, is that like, you know, my eyes were like white were like rolled back but
it's like I wasn't blinking at all. So they would put this like wet, and it was like, rag, or whatever. My eyes don't dry out. I don't know that speculation, you know, but in every ritual that I was performing that channeling roll from then on it was always the same scenario basically where it's like I would have my head dumped in water mixed with blood.
And it would create this switch, essentially, and then, you know, I'd be seated on a throne. They would, you know, wrap me in a blanket and put this like white dots, I don't know, blindfold over me and then ask some questions.
So let me ask you something about that, because I think that's a, that's something isn't talked about a lot by survivors, but first of all, I want to sort of highlight the fact that the training in any kind of training for us.
At first, as children, we're screaming, we're crying, we're freaking out, but they keep repeating the torture until we learn to stop. Stop doing that, right. And that's part of, for example, the beta sex kit and training because pedophiles don't want children that are crying and screaming to rape.
They want sexualized children that seem like they like it.
So part of the training is to train out of us are natural responses of fear or distress or whatever and make us kind of, I don't know, numb or like function as if this weren't a disturbing horrible thing, right.
So I want to point out that. But then secondly, what you're saying is you were tortured to the point that some kind of dimensional thing happened where now you were able to channel some entities through your vessel.
And it sounds like that was the intent. So you have channeled before. So talk a little bit about that because I'm well aware from my own experiences underneath the Vatican. I have seen portals.
I have seen entities come in. I have seen entities inhabit bodies. I have channeled myself.
So I don't usually talk about this because what we do share is so like out there enough, but let's go there because I think that that's really that's interesting and important for people to understand.
Yeah, it's probably the area that I have the most difficulty talking about in like the advocacy and stuff because I feel like there's so much important knowledge there that I'm trying to get out just when it comes to the trafficking or the ritual abuse or stuff that we start getting into these areas that require some sort of like.
spiritual understanding or belief. You know, it's the kind of thing that to some people can to them invalidate all of the rest of your testimony basically because it's something they don't believe in or it's something that they feel like is way too fantastical.
If this is an experience that seems like this person has had like obviously they're just crazy.
And none of the things they're saying happened so that that's 100% you know, yeah I tiptoe around it, especially on podcasts where it's like people are less familiar with this stuff because I just want to really get out the information that you know, can create some
difference in the world, you know, but ultimately yeah this is probably why I love being on your podcast and being able to, you know, have these discussions, you know, with another survivor that's experienced these things because, you know, I still don't have all of the answers with stuff.
I just have my experiences and I, you know, to me it's like, sometimes the jury's still out a little bit like I pretty much come down on these situations on the side of two things you know, I feel like we, as
human beings have a lot more abilities than people recognize that sometimes this stuff might not necessarily be actually channeling an outside entity but can also maybe just be ourselves as you know the solution part of survival,
you know, tapping into the Akashic records or other side type things. Or, you know, alternatively, you know, that and that's where I'm honest that I'm still on the fence about, you know, alternatively like yes there are these entities and this is these
you know, psychopathic groups, you know, cult groups are looking to seek contact with them and they've found, you know, these ways through traumatizing children to access these like lower dimensional entities basically, you know, that, you know, that are drawn to the trauma are drawn to this
and they're, you know, willing to work with them through the cult members essentially. And the main reason that I kind of come on more that side of it is that I've done a lot of peeling and I'm not I'm not done any stretch of the imagination but I mean that at this point, you know, many years
and I've gotten, you know, pretty good at understanding, you know, that pretty much all parts I've dealt with of myself, you know, evil parts, etc. are parts of myself, you know, and they're like there's a way to heal them and to, to, you know, get through the amnesia and all of this kind of stuff.
Except with the channeled material, you know, that that is one thing that I've, like, I've always noticed is like that, you know, yes, I do, I, you know, have communication with the parts that, you know, felt like they were the channelers, etc.
You know, we've done a lot of a lot of healing, but the amnesic barriers have always stayed for like once, you know, the switch had happened and we were fully in that mode.
You know, like being able to like recall, like I can with photographic detail other memories, you know, recall like exactly what questions were asked and exactly what my answers were, you know.
And on a certain level, I think a lot of it is because they were asking me things that, you know, my child self, you know, or even as an adult when I was in channeling, you know, they were asking me things that I would have no knowledge of for sure, you know, and just, you know, things that a lot of times when I was adult to is like really petty stuff basically like most often the regular ritual that was a part of once a year where this
part was called out, you know, it would be people asking questions about how to get ahead in business or how to get one over on like a like a business or power rival or something, you know, someone, you know, some of that seems to me very like petty and materialistic for especially
considering all the ritual stuff that goes into getting these answers. It's not like they were asking like the meaning of life.
I mean, like, so.
So that's kind of where I do come on the side of feeling like it's it is more like entity, you know, interaction, basically where almost they're, you know, they're given access to, you know, your body, you know, and your consciousness for a certain amount of time, you
know, to to be able to respond to these things. And I pretty much always feel like with entity involvement that it's always founded on consent. And that's a large part of this of this torturing and the training and everything is because you have to get
the child themselves kind of like, you know, consenting to be the killer like we talked about in that other memory, you have to get the child themselves to the point where they're, you know, they're so afraid and so in, like, singularly focused on self preservation that
they're willing to say yes and open themselves up to this outside influence basically and then that's, I think that's like the dual part of the formula of this channeling type stuff is, on one hand, you have to put the victim through enough to where
their own psyche is willing to say yes and open the door and to this involvement, but then also it's like they themselves know that they have to, you know, perpetuate all of these horrible things in a ritual to even get the entity interested in being
there to like answer the call basically, you know, that it's like we're talking about not good entities and talking about ones that, you know, love the pain, love the horror and the blood and all of this kind of stuff and almost, to me, almost feels like, you know, what you would do is like
breaks or splits or whatever they're willing to be like, you know, like, if it means I'm going to survive like yes you can use my body for the time being so I don't know if I answered your question but I you know that's
it doesn't I think it's important because see people don't understand they may understand the governments and the, you know, global agencies and the involvement in the scientific part but what they don't understand and you alluded to this with the
Coven is how important the black magic aspect of all of this is to the cult and I have seen rituals where entities where people want to be possessed by these entities and see a lot of these people like say some certain Royals or certain high people in positions of power.
It's very possible that some of these people are no longer human in the sense that they're a human vessel, but they're actually channeling interdimensional demonic entities.
And this is why they can do things that are so inhuman that people can't believe these things actually occur because they're not human.
And I don't know okay this is just my own theory but when I was a kid I read a lot in order to survive and I had a phase where I loved Greek mythology and my theory is that the so called bloodline families are what in Greek mythology you know they say the gods rape the human women and produce the race of
demigods. Well I think those bloodline families are so protective of their bloodlines because they are those demigods they are these hybrids and perhaps more able to invite entity possession just by the virtue of their genetics right.
So this is something that's used a lot and occurs a lot and I think it's just important to mention I think the Covens are pretty high up in the hierarchy.
I think higher up than governments higher up than militaries or global agencies and so this is a big part of all of this.
So I think it's really important to mention you know when you know the Jesuits you know the people in the Vatican all the sacrifices I saw they were in homage to Lucifer.
Lucifer requires sacrifice all the time and according to them it's so that he can come and you know save humanity with the light that he brings to the world and all this kind of thing.
But this is one of the main reasons for sacrifice and bloodshed which for example on a collective level we have war.
Those are big sacrificial rituals you know vaccination is a big sacrifice ritual you know many many children are killed by this and then the latest few years a lot more people by the latest one.
So this is a Molok sacrifice of people for adults you know a parent sacrificing their kids you know by.
Yes yes it's just like and you're and with Molok you know this is an ancient cult they've been sacrificing children for a long time it just went underground quite literally under the ground right and all these underground facilities but yeah so when you were describing the bull effigy in that ritual that's Molok.
In older in ancient times they would have a bull like kind of bronze structure they would put a fire under it to heat it up and they had a little door and they put a live baby in there to incinerate it and burn it up right.
So these sacrifices have been going on for a long time and then the sacrifices the literal rituals we've seen with children and animals and sometimes adult sacrifice are hidden.
But the other kinds of sacrifices are not hidden like how many people are killed in wars how many people are killed by engineered scarcity and poverty and hunger.
And big pharma right and big events like 9 11 or you know so there's satanic rituals happening collectively all the time and it is about sacrifice and it is about you know these people they get their their their power is is their.
Ends at ego so you know Hollywood people have said on camera I sold my soul to the devil for my fame you know so they will their level is fame power money.
They can't go higher because their service to self so it ends you know but this is one of their big things that they do you know and and that's how these entities can exist in this realm.
Yeah.
100% you know and to me to me it makes a lot of sense because I think it's a lot of like what you know yeah money is great you know power through resource control and all this stuff is is great but I think ultimately like what.
You know what the call you know over.
You know at this point you know couple thousand years you know that you know and it's become more and more like kind of centralized in different sectors of like the glow of like the globe you know working together essentially at at this point you know that really like the ultimate.
Like what they understand or what they value as like the ultimate tool of power is the black magic stuff it is you know it is all of this it is the thing that they feel like.
Gives them the upper hand in maintaining and concentrating and perpetuating their their control over everything and their power.
You know many people know like you know mill ages or different shit like that like Renaissance times I don't even know that they were you know outlying you know astrology or sustain or all that kind of stuff you know but that the the Royals.
Like 100% always had like those people on staff you know and that it's it's to me it is a lot of like why they've been able to maintain so much control for so long is is because.
They have access to knowledge and abilities that the rest of the world.
Doesn't essentially you know there's a lot of like you know alternative.
History or like you know I don't even know I hate using the word conspiracy you know but those kind of podcasts and stuff that are really exposing.
You know the psychopaths and parasite class and how how all of this you know stuff is like really molded humanity for a long period of time and they there's a lot of times where they get into like.
And like seeing you know the way certain events line up with like astrological aspects or you know numerology and using certain numbers and all these crazies coincidences that they're like how is it that like a person you know where people could even craft these events to have so much.
Synchronicity in them you know and that's on a certain level why they have so much power you know with these especially with these like worldwide rituals like war or false flag events and everything.
But I think what they're missing is is this dark occult side of things like you're saying you know that well these people yeah they have all the money and all the power but ultimately they also have like.
You know they're working with entities that are outside of time and space and have all this knowledge essentially of like how to.
Line things up and craft things in a way that unless you were involved with it you would never you would never really conceptualize or understand or anything so it's like it feels like oh there's no way that.
They could have crafted all of these things to line up so perfectly and it's like yeah but if you are working with you know entities that are outside you know of of our physical plane you know the a lot of times that is what they they know and have access to is this.
You know a very large scale perspective and knowledge you know of many things that allows them to essentially you know line things up in the right way to make them the most impactful and the most powerful and to get the outcomes they want.
That being said when we talk about these things whenever I talk about these things I always like to.
Not give them too much power I guess you know because because on a certain level like black magic is incredibly powerful but it's still second to.
The power of good and creation you know which is why I think they do so much to try and stack things in their favor because they know that the trend.
In existence is is to be moving towards progress to be moving towards good so they're trying to do whatever they can to avoid their karma and to maintain their power and everything and that's one thing I do like to bring up a lot of times with people is like.
They're not all powerful if so survivors like you and me wouldn't exist you know like like despite everything that they did we got to a point at which we were able you know because we had maintained our connection with like you know.
God creator good whatever someone wants to internal interpreted as you know that essentially you know we were able to maintain that connection and that connection is part of what what.
Was able to despite everything they did you know still get give us enough of a lifeline to pull ourselves out of it and to heal and I see that with the world as a whole as well you know that.
I always give the example of like my hunter tracker training that I had that was basically instilled in me goes back to the kennel also where that was the soldier training I had alluded to earlier and like the wolf training basically that.
Part of my training when I was in the kennel was with two other boys and we were supposed to be kind of like child soldiers.
Kind of like seeing ourselves as like a wolf pack type of thing and like learning how to like perform military ops and work together and everything.
But a lot of that training like especially with like my wolf alters went into the hunter tracker training which was essentially like laying the groundwork for parts of me that would.
You know for them it was you know this fantasy you know that they still maintain you know that there is going to be a point of which they can really pull the trigger and have like a total and totalitarian.
State on the whole world basically and that everyone will be their slaves you know they won't have to you know do all this stuff in secret anymore that it's just going to be the point at which you know that it's going to be held on earth basically you know and everyone is going to be under their control.
And that basically all of that training was so that I could I could be sent out you know once they pulled the trigger you know once black awakening happened once they pulled the trigger.
And you know they were locking down cities and throwing people in concentration camps and you know taking all the centers and executing them or put it you know locking them up or stuff rounding them up that at that point you know they knew that there would be many people that would be.
You know running to the hills you know running to the wilderness running you know trying to flee the cities where their power is the most concentrated and trying to like either you know.
I mean trying to establish something outside of that society but this was really from early on we just had refugees basically like out you know in the mountains essentially and I was trained to essentially be you know.
Directed to an area where they would have determined that there's a refugee group excuse me and what what I my goal you know what my purpose was was that I would I would track down the group and I would essentially assess the size of the group if it was a small group you know like.
Two three.
Mostly less than three people.
Then I was supposed to stay hidden out of sight and stop them until you know I could essentially at one point when they're asleep.
Going to kill them essentially.
But if it was a group that was larger than three people then I was supposed to get to the group.
And then I was supposed to stumble into camp with like this like lame duck scenario where I was you know I was freaking out acting like a completely just another refugee that you know had just stumbled into them and was just looking for people to be with and everything.
Or to you know intentionally hurt myself because it's like another thing you know to like so that I could be stumbling to camp like you know with like this superficial injury you know to really get put on this like lame duck act essentially and then to assess the size of the group.
The main thing for them was that they wanted the adults dead if they were refugees because they already assume that they're not really usable.
But it was there were children they wanted the children brought back essentially so my whole thing would be to spend whatever time I needed to infiltrate the group to understand the hierarchy of the group.
Use whatever I needed you know if it was you know if it was sexual if it was becoming you know useful to the group as like by like cooking or hunting or you know just being like you know a leader in some fashion you know providing services to the group so that people really trusted me.
And then I would you know look for an opportune time to do the exact same thing I said before you know an opportune time to basically you know have everyone be asleep and to be in the role of just walking around and like splitting everyone's all the adults throat so you know at nighttime.
And then in the morning when the kids wake up and see you know all of the parents dead and everything and are completely traumatized themselves.
I'm the last you know I'm the last adult alive to basically be like all right kids we've got you know we've got to go to safety you know and to basically be you know in the role of you know having larger kids carrying babies or smaller kids and stuff like that.
And basically be like marching them back out of wherever they were at into like a rendezvous point where they could all be picked up you know the kids could get you know could get programmed essentially.
And then I would be you know sent out to the next refugee group you know and the reason I bring this up is because.
Like this programming for me was supposed to was supposed to come into effect when I was like 24 basically right around the time actually that I got started sober and started healing and everything like that.
But the initial program they put in when I was like you know six years old was was that that was their timeline you know that by the time I was 24 that this would be a role that I would have.
For the call later on once this section area was done I had been picked to be part of like the hierarchy to be like a.
I don't know they were going to split the split the you know us up into really small parcels and have like a king and queen that we're overseeing it you know for the call and so I had been chosen to be one of those.
People that was just going to help you know rule our territory with like a chosen you know king type guy that you know we rule with an iron fist and that you know by the time I was like 35 I would.
Voluntarily be you know training my replacement queen and then like willingly go to sacrifice which is something that many you will have read a couple of kids as well.
Prior to that and which is something that's very common for like what I've come to understand was like mother of darkness programming and stuff is that at a certain point you know you're supposed to willingly go to the sacrifice.
Once you're in adulthood at some point depending on how where you are in the hierarchy I think determines how old you're allowed to get to.
But that is essentially you know like I would be passing on my my power my tile etc.
So but the main reason I bring it up you know sorry long winded tangent is just because like that's a lot of times when I point out to people is that that was 13 years ago that this end up you take over at least in my program was supposed to happen.
I'm 37 now so to show that they have a lot of goals and ideas about the point at which they're going to be able to be the ones that are all powerful and in control.
And what I see consistently is like despite everything they're doing to the world or to individuals like us you know that it the timeline that they're into constantly consistently gets pushed back you know it's like that that there is always this push back you know from.
You know things that they can't control you know which is just people just channeling their inner goodness you know and and being good human beings and being connected to empathy and compassion and God and everything that really.
You know is you know there there is this other force that is much more powerful you know and despite all the things are doing you know they haven't succeeded yet and my personal belief is you know it will get worse before it gets better but my personal belief is that.
They're not going to succeed in the long run.
But you know so no reason to brought up like I said is because it's very easy I think, especially people outside of this situation to be like oh my God like how can we have a hope you know if they have this much wealth they have this much power they have this much control and they have black magic.
You know like how can we stand a chance you know but no that's yeah that's that's really and I 100% agree and you know I talk about this a lot.
Think of the amount of resources time energy that they have put into mind controlling human beings.
You know whether it's through the use of trauma collectively or individually whether it's you know poisoning our bodies with the farmers and the poison food and air and water, which then weakens the mind with the propaganda that you get when you go to school and through the educational system and the media.
There's a lot you know then not to mention the technology and the frequencies and the things they can pulse at us.
That's a lot and then add the black magic that you just talked about right.
So that's a lot to keep us in very reduced consciousness to keep us mind controlled, but it is not foolproof because here I am.
And here you are and we've been put through that and we broke out of it and are speaking out right.
And no matter what they do they have to constantly do more and more and more of it with people they have to read program us or try to you know so there's so no we are by our very essence way more powerful than them because they reach ego but we are connected to the creator to the source to God to the life force right.
So they have also taught missed taught us taught us you know that the whole Darwin theory of evolution you know we just come from animals where no we are actually divine beings in a human body in a material world.
And when we recover that ability that we naturally have to connect to that so just as much as they you were forced to channel these negative entities.
We are connected to the benefit to the creator itself that's, you know, an open doorway there.
So we absolutely they that's what they're scared of that we will remember who we are and the abilities that we have because once that happens.
They don't stand a chance the whole way that they've operated is to use trauma and mind control us and abuse us and keep us in survival with the economy with everything.
Because survival if you look at Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you can't go achieve your potential if you're constantly in survival if you don't have enough food or water or you know safety.
Well, because the minute we go beyond that that that's the end for them so we absolutely are way more powerful.
They don't want us to know that and they want to keep us on the survival hamster wheel precisely because of that.
And I agree with you the timeline, but I want I want to point out for people in case you missed it with what you just said Kerry, the forethought.
I mean, they trained you to do this where you would go out into the woods and find the people that knew better and escaped that those, you know, those concentration camps also sometimes known as 15 minute cities today.
Way when you were a little kid, they have been planning for this agenda for a long time. It's drip drip drip to get there. But guess what it's failing with the whole COVID thing.
They, you know, that's what it stands for certificate of vaccination ID and I believe they tried to get us to repeat that word to the coronavirus to repeat that word because it's it's a spell like it.
They wanted that to happen. Well, that didn't happen. They had to let go of that whole program because didn't I mean it didn't really take and I think they're lying about how many people took that thing.
Right. So everything they've tried to do was supposed to have been done. You know, oh, we're, we're going to be in total digital currency and complete. Well, yeah, we are being surveilled massively.
But we're not in those things yet. And I believe me, if they could have done it, we would be there. It was supposed to have been done. And I see the narrative breaking down. I see, I don't see it succeeding.
But like you said, it's pretty nasty, you know, all these floods and fires and weather warfare that they do and, you know, they're doing really nasty things.
But it's not going to work. It's not going to work to do what they finally want to do. And ironically, a lot of these events have actually woken more people up, you know.
So I'm very, very optimistic as well. And we are connected to that. And I survived by being connected to the being that's often called Jesus. I call him Yeshua.
I had, I was always seeing him when I was in the cages or, you know, in the, in, in, in like, in and out of consciousness, or sometimes when I was killed and left my body, I would have conversations before I would come back.
And that light is, and that connection is what sustained me. And I kept remembering, oh, I came here, you know, we're, we've been in a spiritual war.
And I think to me, I incarnate, you know, when you're of a higher dimensional reality, you know, there's negative beings, but there's beautiful positive beings too.
You can't interfere in a planet that's undergoing, you know, this kind of spiritual war, but you can incarnate as a human, and you can incarnate into the dark places where the enemy is doing their thing, like you did, like I did.
And you can go through that experience and then you can heal from it and come out the other end and expose it. And that's what we're doing.
And how many survivors, there's 50 voices, there's much more than 50 voices, there's survivors just recovering their memories left, right in center.
Well, that tells me right there, it's game over for them. So I totally, I just share your optimism. It's, it's like, there's a fine line, we have to know so that we can be defended against it.
Like if you know about mind control, you're less susceptible to it, right? But at the same time, there's a message of great hope and light because I think we already want this spiritual war.
I totally agree. I mean, I totally agree. And like it, hearing what you just said to me is like so encouraging and heartening and validating really, because I, you know, we're talking about the Lulu stuff this episode anyway, which is nice to be able to just talk about it like plainly and openly.
I mean, not be like, you know, giving caveats and all this stuff, you know, hoping not to like, you know, scare off, you know, the viewers that might not have as much understanding of like spiritual matters, I guess, or as much faith.
But I mean, people are, they're getting there. Just because the way you talk about, you know, that you were, you know, intentionally from like an outside your incarnation perspective that you were intentionally born behind enemy lines to, you know, to almost be, you know, an
a few times on podcasts where I feel comfortable is that, you know, that's when I was in like the darkest part, it feels like of my healing where I was really trying to start processing the perpetration and like the ritual use the butcher stuff, you know, like early, like,
core events like that were very, you know, just where I was subjected to the worst things. When I was like four, when I first moved to Texas, subjected to the worst things myself that were meant to imprint, you know, this internal prison, but also just like witnessing, you know, horrible things, you know,
children being ripped apart by dogs, or, you know, set on fire, or, you know, killed with acid or, you know, one of the most, the biggest things for me was, was being left in like the cell that I would go back to in between these events for that time period.
You know, had like a small child in a cage that was identical to mine, but that had passed away was like a rotting corpse and you could tell they had passed away from like starvation and everything and, you know, just understanding, you know, how like, you know, abandoned and just, you know, just
sat, you know, the starvation is one thing, but then also just be like left, left to rot, you know, like, and that was always like a very core memory for me. And when I was dealing with like a lot of these aspects of my healing and everything, like I experienced a lot anger towards God, you know, towards,
towards, you know, towards God. I remember I was dealing with a lot of this, like, this vision, you know, whatever I want to share, you know, in church, actually, you know, because I was healing.
And that was part of my healing is I had to, I had to heal my relationship with Jesus, you know, had been someone that had been weaponized against me as a child. And it was, it was an aspect, you know, I had a very strong faith in general, but you know, it was an aspect that I needed to get through to
really heal. And at that time, you know, it's like, and just seeing, you know, Jesus himself, you know, on the, on the cross and being, you know, and there was just a lot anger in me, like, why is any of this even possible? Like, why, why is evil allowed to exist to this, this
degree, you know, why was I allowed to go through this? Why was, you know, any of the victims allowed to go through this, you know, and there was just like this like, really overwhelming like anger that I had, you know, and I just was like,
praying for understanding basically. And like what I was given was kind of like this vision from before I was born, essentially. And I believe in reincarnation, this is kind of like part of like my story and my understanding of things is that I was able to see that
like, I had, I was basically able to see like, where I was at before I was incarnated in this life. And I was, I was essentially in the hell realm, you know, is like I was, I was, you know, fire brimstone on a torture table, being tortured by a demon,
essentially, like, and I was given this vision of like how I had gotten there, basically that I had had multiple incarnations, multiple lives where I essentially like, each one I had turned further away from God, further away from good,
had, you know, it started with just self serving, but then essentially it's like each lifetime I had kind of like further turned away from that and more solidified myself into this identity that the last lifetime that got me there was essentially me being exactly like my abusers,
you know, being a complete, a complete, you know, evil psychopath, you know, and seeing basically that when I was on that torture table at that point, and in that mindset, I was just mad, you know, it was the anger, I was like, I don't deserve to be here.
Like all I could think about was all the pain I was going through because I was being tortured by this demon, and I was just like, I don't deserve this. I shouldn't be here. You know, I was just, hey, anger and hatred towards God or towards whatever it was, you know, that I was there in that position experiencing so much pain for time on unending.
And because I was in that psychopathic mindset, I didn't see any reason for me to be there experiencing that basically. And there was like this moment that I was like laying there and I was just dealing with the anger and dealing with the pain and dealing with all that kind of stuff.
And there was just this little moment where all of a sudden it's like I have this glimpse of my life, you know, of a psychopath before I had ended up died and ended up in hell essentially. And that glimpse of my life was actually a child that had abused it.
I was in India, basically, and there was this little boy that, you know, was probably like, maybe five or six years old, that I had, I had molested, you know, I had been a pedophile and I had molested this little boy.
And it's like, I just got this very clear image of him, and almost like seeing like this like flower that was just starting to like bloom. And that I was like, I had taken that flower that was just about to like really sprout and come into his blossom and I had just like plucked it, you know, I had just, just grabbed it and just, you know, for my own needs, my own satisfaction, you know, I had just destroyed this kid's life.
And I just saw like all these like ripples of like his whole life of all of the pain that had like, that had occurred in his life because of what I had done to him. And then I saw these ripples of like all of the pain that he had caused in other people's lives because of what I had done to him it was like this, you know, this full
experience of like karma and how, you know, how these negative deeds had, you know, affected so many different people negatively. And I just remember in that moment, that I suddenly, you know, it was that first time that in, you know, however long I had been in hell, it felt like eons, you know, in that moment, I didn't, it was the first
moment I hadn't thought of myself. It was like the first moment that I was like, I stopped thinking about my own suffering and my own, you know, like, I don't deserve to be here and not like it's, it just wasn't there and all I was thinking about was this child's suffering and all the suffering that had come that had come
from it, essentially. And it was like, in that moment, like in that moment, it was like, I then it was like the damn broke. And it was like, I stopped thinking about myself, I thought about him, and then I thought about all my victims through multiple lifetimes and really the whole reason that I was there to begin with, you know,
and in that moment, I felt like I, like, cried out to God, you know, I cried out to goodness, I cried out to the Creator, it was like, it was just like, it was not crying to save myself, but just like something to make amends for all of the pain is like it was overwhelming all of this pain that I had caused other people.
And I was just like, if there's some power out there that can do something to alleviate their pain, this is like, this is the only story that really gets me every time.
If there is something out there, you know, that can help alleviate all of this pain that I caused, you know, I was just so heartbroken, you know, finally seeing my life through God's eyes, you know what I mean.
And I was just like, you know, I just cried out, you know, was just for this help to be like, if there's anything that we can do, you know, any power out there that can stop all of this suffering that I was the cause of like, please, like, let it, you know, like, let there be something to help them to save them, etc.
And it was like, in that moment, it was almost like I was like, astraly, just taken out of, you know, my body and in hell, essentially, and was like in this just like, you know, uncharacterized just like light land with this with this entity, you know, I mean, it feels like he embodies Jesus, you know,
he embodies like Buddha, God, you know, whatever you want to say.
And I felt like I was there with him, and I was just begging him to, you know, create some, you know, some do something to fix, you know, to heal all the pain that I had caused.
And basically, I feel like what he presented me with was this life, this incarnation that I have now, you know, and that he basically was like,
do you really want to help, you know, in the way that you that you're saying, and I was like, yes, it was like, and it wasn't just like a tearful yes it was like a joyful yes it was just so much relief that there was something that I could do to help make amends for all of this, you know, and I was like,
I guess anything just like really anything it was like a level of excitement just like, you know, and, you know, feeling that presence and everything.
And basically that's what I was when I was shown and told was like, you know, that you're, you're going to incarnate in the life that I have now to my psychopathic father that I had to my mom, you know, who's actually been an ally and healing and everything like,
you're going to be incarnated in this place, you're going to go through all of this torture, you're going to go through all of this, but you're doing it for two reasons for one, because by me taking on that mantle admit that another soul wasn't going to be born into that life.
And then for two, it meant that from like a bigger picture thing is kind of like you were saying what made me bring this story up is that, you know, that I was being sent in to be born behind enemy lines,
so that I could break I could be a break in that cycle, so that I could I could essentially be a warrior sent in to, to then, you know, expose to talk about this to heal from it and to try and help others heal you know that it was it was all this.
And that basically it's like in that moment I saw all of the torture that I would go through and be experiencing and everything and basically was it was it was an excited and willing yes it was like,
if this is what I need to do like I like there was no hesitation there that is like that's that's what I sign up for you know what I mean.
So, and it was important to me to have this understanding because it gave context, you know, to all of the stuff I went through in life, but also helped me understand that many of the victims, you know, that I had seen that I was so angry about and
everything that on a certain level that they had incarnated into their lives with that choice as well to be, you know, to be, you know, part of, you know, what was moving us towards this like ultimate exposure and end of all of this evil
that's occurred for so long, you know, and that, you know, just like I was being, you know, held by the father through all of this it's like also they were two.
And so it's like I essentially like had to go back to hell until it was my time to incarnate but at that point there was like no more pain it's like I was there.
I was existing, but there was like no, there, there, I wasn't feeling the torture that was occurring to my body in any of that and it's like a short time later, it's like I was like, you know, it's like I was just like blipped out of there, and brought to, you know, be born on earth in the body that I have now, essentially.
And one of my favorite things about the vision though was just the fact that it was like as I was like leaving. And the, and like the, the, the demon was like realizing that there was no one on his torture table anymore.
It's almost like he like looked at like the thing he had like a flail in his hand at the time it's like he looked at it, and it was almost like, Why am I doing this.
It was almost like, it was almost like this like contagion like a positive contagion where it's like because I was leaving for positive things almost like the demon that had been torturing me had also had this little moment of clarity you know this little moment of like being like like well like why am I doing this you know do I want to be doing this.
So, and I, and I did experience you know through my life.
You know, a couple of times where it was near death experiences where it's almost like it felt like God checked in with me again, you know, it's like it's like it was a near death experience that I had when I was.
When I was six in Washington, you see that I had it was at the end of all of this training in Texas, where I put in quote graduated, you know, and was, you know, my dad and gates and then my beta trainer and his daughter was also be handled we all flew to to Washington
you see for a party and a ritual and stuff and you know he my dad went to party for the few days, couple days that we were there and I was left alone in a hotel room with gates and at certain points like he, you know, he damaged me too bad and I had to get, you know, I had near death experience and had to get rushed to a hospital
and everything like that and, and it was that was like another time where it's like it was, it was almost like God checking in with me, you know, and it's like being back in that space back with him and being like do you still do you still want this you know are you still willing to play this role are you still willing.
You can come with me right now, you know, or you can still like, like, have the duty because that's the thing like, it's, it's all about, you know, God is not interested in using unwilling people, you know, it's only it's only about people that are that are willing, you know, they're consenting to this stuff,
you know, and it was like, and in that moment I was like, yeah, you know, it's like, it's been horrible, but I still have a job to do, you know, so send me back in, you know, so it's just in your death experience, not an actual death experience, you know, and there were, you know, a couple of times in my life where it's like, you know, things are bad and you're brought to this other place and it's almost like a check in to be like, you know, to give you some refuge, some
rest, but also, yes, and a reminder of that love, but also just to be like, you know, do you still want to play this role and for me every time though is, yeah, you know, it's like, if that's what that's what I'm here for is like, I'll, I'll see it through, you know, to whatever end that is,
basically. Yeah. Wow. That's a beautiful and powerful story. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share that. That's, I could see, you know, what it, you know, how hard it was on a level to share that. So, and I 100% share that experience every time I was at that near death
experience point, I would be, it was kind of like a little break, a little rest. And I would always be offered the chance to, you know, like, you don't have to go back if you don't want to. But when you're there, you see the bigger picture.
Exactly. The love, the love that we have for, you know, we're all interconnected. So it was that love for the planet Earth, the being, you know, Gaia or whatever we call her, the love for humanity of the animals of the trees and just the bigger picture, right, is like, well, yeah, that's, I'll go back.
And, you know, that's what being truly spiritual is. We're spiritual warriors. And, you know, the Satan has created the New Age movement to trivialize that. And it's all like, oh, butterflies and you know, if you if you own on a mountain top, or you, you know, do a sound bath, or you wear certain robes or burn incense.
No. Okay. What being really spiritual is, is being willing to look at the bigger picture and to do what's necessary for the good of everyone, which is ultimately the good for ourselves as well. Right. So I think that's really beautifully said. And, you know, I've had moments in my humanness to where I've been like,
WTF God, you know, like, come on, this is ridiculous. But today I've kind of come to the understanding, you know, it's just like darkness is just the absence of light. Okay. If you strike a match in a dark room, it's all suddenly eliminated.
And so there we have this free will choice. But, and here there's a lot. I mean, I have to say the game is pretty great. You know, the dark has really seized control. But even there, it's, it's like, it's, it's a choice and they have manipulated people into making the wrong choice through all the stuff I described before.
But it's still a free will choice, you know, so I will say to people who fly those airplanes that spray us with chemtrails, or the workers in their hazmat suits who are dumping fluoride into the water, or the people who work for the scientists who are devising horrible technologies that harm all life on the planet, or the doctors who are given bonuses to inject tiny children newborns with deadly toxic gas.
Or the teachers who are helping the, you know, like you said, they want their lifestyle normalized. And right now they're trying to normalize pedophilia. So if you're going along with that program, and you're actually indoctrinating children, because the school curriculum curriculum says you need to, you know, that's us humans making that choice.
Okay, so then, yeah, the hell on earth will continue because we're making choices. And they do they have people backed into a corner with it with a paycheck or with fear of harm or death or whatever but
Yeah, but on the other hand, it's us.
When we make a different choice and I think that's why to come full circle that's why it's so important that you and I both talk and share our story because when people can make a different choice and see what the true reality is.
We could in an instant I think be on a different dimensional planet where there is no violence and darkness and hell on earth. But that's the kind of the gift from the creator is that free will choice.
So it's not God that's doing this. It's the choices that we're making as a collective. And in that story you told you made a very different choice in that moment.
And I think those choices ripple across space and time you know times kind of artificial construct anyway, it changes so much so every good person that does every good act from love you know they hate that we still have love.
Any time we do a good thing, even a small good thing you know, I don't know somebody drops their wallet and you're walking behind and they say hey you can give it back or you help an elderly person cross the street or you feed a hungry dog.
I mean, all these acts of love and kindness are actually rippling through the quantum field and changing reality, shifting it out of this hell on earth.
So what if we so my message for everyone is choose the moral thing, you know, choose love choose like don't participate in this satanic system that they want you, because without us they can't do it.
And we have the ability to change that and so that's my message of hope it's actually the power to change this completely lies within each and every one of us.
Right. So, we've been talking for a couple of hours so why don't we kind of wrap it up but so give people your final thoughts you know like anything you want hope solutions, any message that you want to leave our audience with.
I guess, mainly if, if you're an ally of, you know, just, you know, you're in the position of not having experienced this kind of abuse but are trying to educate yourself I just want to say thank you.
You know, like that there's way more of you guys out there than there is of like us that have been, you know, thoroughly trauma programmed but this is, you know, this is how we make change, you know, and we'll continue to kind of win the war against these psychopaths as people that are willing to look at the darkness and take it on.
So thank you. And, you know, keep, keep learning and educating yourself and being bold and being able to like share what you understand and know with, with people in your life, you know, and people that maybe themselves are skeptical of this kind of stuff.
And if you're a survivor of this it's I, I just, I always hope to impart some validation by sharing my story but also a sense of hope, you know, that, like, if I can heal having, you know, done like the worst imaginable stuff, you know, being, you know, trained and forced through like ritual abuse and mind control to do such heinous things and I still come to a place of self forgiveness, you know,
I'm still convinced, you know, the shame barrier is like one of the main ones that we need to overcome as survivors to be able to heal and that's kind of like what I try and do is to let people know, you know, that it's possible that, you know, there are no parts of yourself that are irredeemable, you know,
they can present as demons, they can present, you know, is, you know, our self conception of as evil, etc. But we have to understand that, that if you're here and you're healing and you're willing to ask the questions, it may not feel like you can handle it, but you can, you know, just take things at your own pace.
And just have an honest and open mind and understand that, you know, even your worst parts, all the perpetrator parts, all the bullies and the, you know, ones that have perpetrated on innocence on the outside and everything that they were, they are all little kids, you know, and that we need to, we need to just hold a space of like love and compassion and fostering like understanding
and communication, basically, and despite how traumatizing flashbacks and all this stuff can be internal punishment and external stuff is that it is, it is possible to get to a place where you can work through it and on the other side of that very difficult struggle is a life that is going to feel more whole and more happy and, you know, less, less
burdened by pain and shame than you can ever imagine, you know, so just to encourage, you know, encourage any survivor out there that no matter what kind of place you feel like you're in that it can get better, you know, never, never to make a, you know, go for a permanent solution when it comes to
That's what my channel is about, you know, is just trying to help people with baby steps to understand what they went through and how to like, you know, have a place of compassion for themselves and to come to a place of healing.
Yeah, thank you so much and tell people and I'll put any links you send me in the description but tell people where they can find your channel.
Yeah, so right now I only have it in one place which I'm hoping to change because, you know, YouTube is horrible with censorship and everything.
But right now that's the only place that I for sure have my own channel which is just focused on healing it's not going to get into really triggering explicit explanations of like trauma events that I went through.
So I just encourage everyone to check that out, you know, it's a very like gentle meant for your child parts kind of kind of channel that I try and have to really help people conceptualize this.
It's called Desert Dikini, a survivor's perspective or you can just search at Carrie O'Lahe, and it'll get you there to my personal channel and then I just to direct people, you know, also to the other podcasts that I've been, I've been on, mainly the imagination with Emma, you know, it's been kind of like my home podcast.
The first one I had my testimony on and everything and if anyone wants to know, you know, more about my story, it's the best place to send them to or wake the dead with Sean McCann because they're ones I've been on many times, you know, so it's, you know, if you want a more complete idea of like the timeline or you feel
validation from my testimony, those are places that you can go to to to to understand more.
Okay, cool. Well, I feel like we could talk for many more hours on many more things so maybe we should do that we should do number three at some point, but I think we covered some really like amazing topics here today so thank you so much and for being, you know, like I said for willing for being willing to be vulnerable and
share about, you know, really difficult things. You're an inspiration. Thank you for everything you do out there and for putting yourself out there.
And I guess I will leave it until number three so we'll just see each other then.
Same for you, Max. So you're an amazing inspiration. Thank you again.