So friends, welcome to the was true podcast.
It's been a minute.
I'm still not 100 percent far from it, but.
Can't lay down forever, you know, you got to got to get up.
Took some time off because.
Just.
You know, my life is is a mess.
Yeah, I'm not going to.
I don't want to get into details, but it's been rough.
I'm going to I'm going to.
Thank everyone that reached out.
Sending positive vibes.
I want to thank John, John Brissum and especially my.
My new homie, good homie.
She's like a sister to me now, Ashley.
She's she's been awesome.
She's been she's been there listening to me.
Give me lots of good advice and check me when I when I needed it.
So I want to want to give those two, especially shout out.
And people let me have been leaving me comments, emails.
And if I haven't responded, you know, with.
Um, you know, huge right backs or whatever written back.
That doesn't mean that I was ignoring it.
I saw it in it meant everything to me.
So thank you for that.
Yeah, man, my mind has been.
Has been shit.
I know some people wanted me to talk about, like, the war and ask me what my views on it, motherfuckers.
I got wars in my head right now.
Um.
And, uh, it's crazy.
Um, I'm just I got so much shit, man.
And just trying to find peace is what I've been trying to do, you know?
Um, weeks back, I was at work and even at work, man.
Sometimes I've been having like breakdowns and shit.
While I'm driving and shit, you know,
some hillbilly got the got the worst of that shit a couple of weeks back.
I was already, you know, I was already amped up and, uh, we were at work.
We were arguing about some shit and, uh, then he started using some racial slurs.
Normal times, I'd probably just walk away like, fuck you, dude.
But when I'm already amped up, that's all, that's all I needed, you know?
And, uh, little motherfucker got got the brunt of it, said he was going to press charges.
Luckily, he never did.
And luckily, my work was even better.
They showed me the camera.
They were like, bro, you can't fucking do that.
Even even if he was running his mouth.
But, um.
I've been, I think, for the last few years, I've been.
Been trying to make changes, you know, um, and it hasn't been easy, you know?
Sometimes I wonder if, uh, um, like cosmic karma and shit.
You know, for all the, the, all the wrong that I've done.
This is where these philosophies has helped, has helped me.
Um, Kaizen and, uh, eternal recurrence.
Um, you know, I've been, I thought I was going to be ready, apparently not.
Um, you know, there's been times where I've been in real dark places lately.
When I get, when I get real dark, even like right now, I feel like life is fucking me hard, hard.
And I just spread my ass cheeks.
I go, fuck me harder, bitch, bring it.
And that's a silly way of a segue into eternal recurrence.
Internal recurrence, if you look at the thumbnail, that's the snake
that's eating itself in the figure eight.
It's been a philosophy that's been around for thousands of years, basically that this same
exact life just repeats itself, you know, over and over and over and over again.
No changes.
Same fucking thing.
And, um, you know, picture yourself, you're in a spot like where I'm at right now.
Darkest fuck, you're lonely as shit.
And a demon comes in and he whispers in your ear.
Guess what, motherfucker?
When you die, you're going to live the exact same loop infinite amount of times,
meaning not just the good moments, but all the times you fucked up, all the times
you did some evil shit, all the times you lost someone and it hurt real bad.
Every fucking moment, good, bad, neutral.
It's repeated over and over and.
And.
A lot of people will take that in a negative way and be like, oh, man, that's fucking horrible.
I know there's there's some things that I would like to change and I can't change
that I have to relive it again.
That's fucked up.
Nietzsche was basically saying, that's the other thing.
Nietzsche is one of these misunderstood philosophers.
He gets shit on quite a bit because people don't really understand what he was trying to say.
Would I would the reason I've gravitated to Nietzsche is because he was basically
say fuck all authority, you know what I mean?
Fuck religious authority, fuck government authority.
You have to create your own morals.
And that's where a lot of people misrepresent them.
Oh, so he doesn't believe in morals or morality.
No, he's saying you have a lot of these systems like religious institutions,
government institutions, they tell you what is right and wrong.
And people believe it and go with it.
Sometimes those things could be correct, but other times that shit's antiquated.
And so he was telling people, you got to create morality within yourself.
And when we look at this thought experiment of reliving everything
exactly for infinite amount of times, the good, the bad, the ugly.
Some people will get freaked out, like even this is what I mean.
Like right now I'm in the lowest point ever in my life.
And I'm saying, fuck it, let's do it because
the reason I try to find positive activity out of this darkness is
it's raw material, it's fuel.
And I keep telling myself, no matter how bad shit is,
I'm going to become better.
And once you accept that.
That's when you're like, fuck, yeah, let's do it again.
So right now.
Even when shit gets dark.
I just remind myself, I'm going to learn from this.
And so when you.
Really, really take in the thought experiment of eternal recurrence.
If you're living a fucked up life now.
What are you going to do to change it right now?
Just in case you have to repeat it over and over again.
A lot of religious people.
View.
The afterlife, like going to heaven.
You know, all this shit sucks, but when I'm in heaven, everything's going to be all good.
Nietzsche said that some pussy shit.
You're relying on something that may be or may not be true.
How about you fucking try to do shit right now?
That's what Nietzsche was talking about.
And.
That's what I've been doing for the last few years.
I'm trying to be as honest as possible.
Straight up.
When I was younger.
I was a scumbag.
I heard a lot of people.
I didn't give a fuck now that I'm older.
I am remorse.
I wish I could change a lot of shit, but I can't.
I'm right here.
I got it.
Got to deal with what's already done.
The consequences, everything.
And this is what I mean.
Like maybe there's something such thing as cosmic karma.
Because.
That's what torturing me.
I've been making the hell of changes for years now.
And.
All this shit just keeps getting worse for me.
And for a while, I was like, everything is cyclical sooner or later.
Shit's going to get better.
And for years now, it's just when it starts to feel like shit's going to get good,
then it fucking goes shit again.
And I think the worst is.
Betrayal.
You know, when when some average Joe betrays you, it doesn't
doesn't really hurt.
It might piss you off.
But when it's people that you loved, people that you would be willing to put your life for.
I've had people that.
I don't want to get into details, but people that I would have done anything for.
And.
And when you get betrayed, it's it's the worst fucking feeling.
I'm sure anyone listening has been betrayed by loved ones and you guys know what it is.
And.
It sucks because you think you know people.
And in the end, you don't know who the fuck they are.
Literally.
And maybe this is temporary, but that's what's made me.
I'm already distrustful with.
I don't like getting close to people because I don't want to get hurt.
And when I open myself up to someone.
Fully, it's because.
I feel some kind of connections with, you know, with the soul.
And once I connect with you, I'm going to ride with you.
I'm going to I'm going to go to war for you.
I will do what it fucking takes for you.
I may not be perfect, but I'm going to fucking try.
And.
When that doesn't get reciprocated.
Fucking devastating, fucking horrible.
But here we are, you know.
Just got to got to keep improving.
So this is where we bring in the philosophy of Kai's in.
It's Japanese.
And.
It's a philosophy that.
Kind of got famous in the 1940s after World War Two.
You know, after Japan got nuked and everything.
They had to rebuild and you look at Japan today.
It's it's a first world power.
Beautiful clean city.
Beautiful women.
Little Japanese.
Maybe I need to go to Japan.
Maybe I fucking will go to Japan.
Hell yeah.
Hey, Blake, you want to call in bro?
Maybe I'll open the.
I didn't I don't.
I don't know how this show is going to turn out.
And I apologize me getting emotional, you know.
I told myself I'm going to hold it together, but this is what it is.
I'm good now.
There's Ashley right there in the black chat.
Ashley is my sister.
She truly is a fucking awesome, awesome woman.
And a shout out to her husband for supporting her.
In this podcast game.
But Kaizen is a.
Is a is a philosophy that became famous in the 1950s.
But the idea of Kaizen goes back centuries.
You know.
Comes from, you know, Buddhist traditions.
Incorporate some of this and basically Kaizen is.
Incremental changes.
One percent.
You're only required to change one tiny little bit.
But here's the kicker.
You make that one change and you do it every fucking day.
And over the course of time.
It compounds.
And that's where you start seeing the fruits of the labor.
It's not an overnight thing.
What happens?
Every New Year's Eve.
People, everyone tells you, hell, yeah, I'm going to go to the gym.
I'm going to, I'm going to run a marathon.
I'm going to live.
I'm going to get jacked like Arnold Schwarzenegger.
And she said, I got a gym right here at the crib.
And sure enough, first weeks of January, that bitch was jam packed with motherfuckers.
And I knew it.
I go watch by the end of January.
It's going to trickle down, trickle down.
Today I went to the gym for three hours.
Not a single fucking person in there.
It was just me working out.
But.
The reason it fails when people get hyped up and pumped up.
It's because especially out here in the West.
We're always told, you know, like, let's listen to some motivational speeches and people get pumped up.
Fuck yeah, let's fucking go.
You run and you fucking haul ass and you might keep it up for a week.
Maybe two weeks.
After after two or three weeks, your muscles start hurting.
Your legs start hurting.
If you've been running like fuck, I can't do this shit.
And you take a day off.
That day off turns into two days off, three days off, and then you never go back again.
You get burnt out.
So here's where the magic of Kaizen comes in.
Let's say you want to get into push-ups and you've never done push-ups your entire life.
Do one fucking push-up every day.
Every day, you don't miss push-ups.
Boom, get it out.
Go do something else.
Eventually, you're going to be like, damn, one push-up.
Fuck it.
I can do five.
So now you start doing five.
Damn, I'm going to go for 20.
I'm going to go for 100.
I try to do 100 every fucking day.
I do them before I go to bed.
But that's the thing.
It's every day.
You don't skip a day.
This is why.
If you want to do push-ups, oh, I can do one push-up.
I'm going to go for five.
You don't push yourself.
You got to start super fucking easy.
Because the point of it is to trick your mind and build it, make it into a habit.
Just like you brush your teeth before going to bed.
You're going to have to do a push-up at some point.
You got to plan it.
All right.
Before I go to bed, I'm going to do my push-ups.
That's how I do my push-ups.
Boom, boom, boom, boom.
Get them done.
But it's every day.
Let's say you want to start running or you want to start jogging,
but you haven't done any of that in a long fucking time.
Start walking.
Walk for 10 minutes every day.
If you walk 10 minutes every day over the course of a year, 365 days,
you have walked 60 hours worth of walking time.
That's the power of Kaizen in action.
Tiny little changes that just build up.
Another visualization that I try to.
May help people is let's say you're at home and there's a massive pile of dirt
outside of your house.
And the city says you got to move that pile of dirt to the other side of the road
or we're going to find you, you know, we're going to give you a big fine
and you got to get it done in a year.
You may get scared for that fine and you may go with a bucket and start
making bucketfuls.
Holland asked for the first couple of weeks.
And then after a couple of weeks, you're like, damn, my, my, I'm too sore.
Now I blew my load.
I blew my lot of my, my wad.
I can't do it anymore.
But what if you just did two buckets a day?
Boom, one bucket here.
Boom bucket there.
All right.
Tomorrow we do it again.
One bucket here.
Boom.
Another bucket here.
You get more shit done just doing two damn buckets instead of hauling ass
first couple of weeks.
It's almost like the fable of the tortoise and the hare.
But remember that the fucking hare comes out of the starting gate and
all his ass then takes a break and starts fucking around.
And the turtle is just barely moving, but the motherfucker never stops.
He keeps moving, moving and moving and moving and the turtle eventually
wins out.
That's similar to Kaiser and tiny little changes that aren't going to break
the bank that aren't going to discourage you from doing it every fucking
day because that's the point you do it every day.
Let's say you want to do the walking every 10 minutes to get your
60 hours in one year of movement.
You got a walk.
Oh, shit.
Tomorrow's cold.
Tomorrow's going to be cold.
Put on a fucking jacket and walk 10 minutes.
Oh, it's going to rain.
Get your fucking umbrella.
Walk 10 minutes.
Every day.
No days off.
That's the power of Kaisen.
Yo, what's up dude says a journey of a thousand miles begins with a
single step.
Yeah, right there.
And so.
I've been trying to intertwine the thought experiment of eternal
recurrence and Kaisen because.
Let's say I died tomorrow.
Something happened.
I died tomorrow.
And the demon pops up.
Hey, motherfucker.
Guess what?
You got to do it again.
I feel even though I have many regrets.
I'm remorseful for a lot of shit in the past.
I feel that I've been a Tony.
Incremental changes have been the Tony.
You know.
And.
That's that's what's helped me a lot a lot.
So some of you have probably heard of these philosophies.
And maybe some of you have not.
But.
That's what it is.
I'm going to.
I'm going to open up the stream yard.
Maybe if you guys want to talk about.
The current events or whatever.
Jump in.
Because.
Only did 30 minutes.
But if no one hits it, I'll just end the show.
Let's go to a fucking rumble.
Yeah.
Sorry, guys.
I thought I was ready.
It's going to be a process for me because.
Like I said, I haven't given you guys any.
Any.
Details.
And I want, you know, I open up quite a bit.
I open up quite a bit all the time, but.
Shit, that's private.
I got to keep it private.
You know what I'm saying?
And I think you guys will understand that.
I'm not scared to talk about just about anything, but shit.
That's private.
It's got to stay private.
I hope you guys understand.
It's just.
It comes and waves hits me.
You know, sometimes I'm good.
Then other times I don't even expect it, man.
I'll be driving.
Home fucking hits.
Got the streamer pinned.
On rumble.
Then he wants wanting to call in.
Hit it up.
We only have a couple of people on YouTube.
So I'm not going to put it there.
And it's funny.
I got some dedicated haters now.
That.
Before I even start the shows, I don't even give a fuck anymore.
Like I really don't.
I definitely wanted to.
I want to think.
All the people that supported me.
Gave me positive affirmations on Twitter.
Facebook.
Everywhere.
I hadn't used my Facebook.
Account in a.
I hadn't really used it.
I'm going to start putting it in the description.
If you guys are on YouTube, you guys can friend me on there.
I'm going to start sharing more of my private self.
You know, I got a little album there that's for friends only.
Has some pictures, you know, me hanging out with family and stuff.
I'm.
I'm going to try to do some kaizen changes.
To my personal life.
I've been terrible at keeping in touch with friends.
And people in regular in.
In general.
And now that.
Literally have no one.
Sucks.
So.
I'm going to.
I'm going to try to get.
The made it to.
Being more open.
Be more friendlier.
I have been doing that lately when.
I go to the store or whatever.
I just say good morning.
How are you?
How are you doing today?
You know, not just the hello.
Hi, you know, just.
Get trying to get more people.
I'm trying to do that because.
I do talk a lot here on the show, but when I'm outside.
I'm with the introvert.
Hella introvert.
Which I know surprises people, but.
I'm going to.
I'm going to make an attempt.
I've always been terrible at approaching women too.
And.
I'm going to be searching for a soulmate.
So.
I got to.
I got to learn.
Learn how to talk.
To people.
To women.
That's going to be my.
My.
Kaizen.
Make little incremental changes.
Just say hi to everyone.
I come across.
And talk to them.
It's hard for me.
It's task.
Another kaizen thing that I've.
Done.
In my personal life that has helped me.
Has been.
Doing my bed first thing in the morning.
I've I've never been one to do my bed.
Even when I was a kid, my mom would like.
Do your fucking bed, man.
What the fuck.
I would never do it.
I'd have a fucking disaster.
So there's probably some of you listening.
I always do my bed.
Yeah, that's you.
I was never used to that.
And that's something that I've been doing.
And I know there's a meme of.
Jordan Peterson.
Like.
Pick up your room.
I used to laugh at that.
But now that I've been doing my bed.
I now understand what he meant by that.
Because.
As someone that admittedly is someone that is messy
and has shit strewn about.
Especially now that I've been in this divorce phase.
I've been.
I got used to my spouse doing a lot of shit.
I relied on her and now being doing shit at all.
I'm doing it all.
I'm.
Staying busy has helped me as well.
You know, when I get some real bad thoughts or I'm getting really depressed.
I just start fucking.
Pulling weeds.
Doing all kinds of shit.
I find shit to do.
And that has helped me.
But keeping shit clean.
Does wonders because.
When your room is in disarray.
Your mind is going to be in disarray.
You start leaving shit tidy and clean and organized.
Which is not something that I'm naturally good at or have ever been at.
You know what I mean?
So I'm saying that from for me.
I'm not picking on anyone at all.
I don't know you guys.
I don't know how you guys live.
I'm talking about me.
I've always been disorganized and spontaneous.
That's kind of what makes makes my show because I don't go out.
No goddamn script.
I just fucking go off of the top of the dome.
I don't know what's going to happen.
And that's good sometimes.
But other times you do need to be organized.
And so I'm I'm trying to train myself to be more organized.
I'm writing notes.
I'm being keeping budgets and tallies for my money.
And I've noticed when my room is clean like my studio.
Flashroom.
I feel good.
I feel like I can think and muse.
And feel at peace because my shits in order.
Where areas when my shits fucking strewn about and this I can't find this and that.
My mind is also in disarray.
So that's been another little kaizen thing that I've implemented.
It started with just doing my bed as soon as I wake up.
And I've been doing it religiously.
Boom. Wake up.
Boom. Before I go to work.
Boom. Let's get it done.
I come home.
I'm like, oh, hell yeah.
Just that tiny little movement.
Makes a world of a difference.
You know what I'm saying?
Let's see.
I had some.
I think I had some notes.
Yeah, because kaizen.
If you really think about it.
You're not supposed to change your life.
You're supposed to change your day.
And your day.
Is what is what's going to change your life.
Does that make sense?
I think that's powerful right there.
Think about that.
That's the same burnout.
Scenario, you know, I'm going to make these massive changes.
I'm going to and you're going to get burnt out.
You can't do that.
One tiny little step.
So one tiny little step is.
Every day.
You make a change.
And then those changes accumulate.
They compound.
And that's how you become a better human being.
So I'm implementing a bunch of little things that I've never done before.
It's helping me.
I was even doing kaizen before I even knew what kaizen was.
When I was at work.
A lot of my buddies, they just listen to the radio all fucking day.
And it's the same six, seven songs that play every hour.
And.
At one point I said this shit sucks.
I want to listen to audiobooks.
I want to listen to this stuff that's going to engage me.
Stuff that's going to make me into a better individual.
And so that's a form of kaizen.
Some people.
Let's say you, you want to read books.
But you haven't read books in a long time and you don't know.
You know, some people will say, should I haven't read a book in a long time?
And they get a book and they start reading 10, 15, 20 pages right out the gate.
Then they kind of get worn out.
Then they never pick up or open that book ever again.
You know how you could read that fucking book, read one page every day.
And in one year, you'll probably have read that entire book.
Think about that.
One page, process it, read that page, process all of it, put it away.
Tomorrow you read the second page.
Then the third page, fourth page.
And so if it's a 300 page book of a little fat fucker.
At the end of the year, you have, you may, you will have read it.
That's kaizen in action.
This is so I hope you guys are understanding kaizen isn't about making massive
changes right out the gates because that's going to fuck with you.
That's going to burn you out.
You're going to burn yourself out.
Tiny incremental changes.
That will eventually compound into massive bigger changes.
I don't think anyone wants to call in.
So going to wrap things up.
I want to, I want to thank everyone that made it out.
Didn't have too many people, but I haven't done a show in a long time.
So I want to thank George O'Brien.
Hell yeah.
Much love George.
Hell yeah.
Rulona.
Frankie.
Hell yeah.
Secret squirrel.
Fuck yeah.
It's my homegirl.
Rocky USA Blake.
What's up?
Sit your house in it.
I think that's your name.
And Ashley, of course, Phil.
What's up, Phil?
Yo, what's up, dude?
And the weekend Jew hunter.
He'll Billy pirate tear.
And yeah, Brad Brad's outer.
Thank you guys.
You guys are awesome.
And then everyone behind the scenes that reached out to me privately.
There was quite a few.
I was surprised.
And every time I got.
Message.
I may not have responded with a lot of words in return.
But I did appreciate it.
And thank you guys.
It's been, it's been awesome.
To know that people that I've never met in person.
Care about me.
You know, it's pretty fucking cool.
I wish you motherfuckers were right here.
Because out here, it's lonely.
I get real fucking lonely sometimes, you know.
I haven't smashed ass in months.
So.
That's driving me insane, too.
But I need to learn to socialize again.
And meet people.
And.
That'll hopefully hopefully cure my loneliness that that I've been going through at the moment.
So.
Raz 23.
What's up, Alexis?
Thank you guys for making it.
Me and Ricky verandas ripple effect podcast.
We're we're going to do a swap cast.
Ricky's cool.
He was the one that inspired me to do my podcast.
I know I know some of y'all will probably disagree with some of his views these days, but he's a good dude.
And he's he's been my friend for many years and.
Again, he's actually the dude that inspired me to get up into my show.
So that'll be a good show.
And as soon as I start.
I just took time off.
I didn't even think about the fucking podcast or nothing.
I just too much on my fucking mind, man.
Too much if some of the shit.
If you guys knew you'd be like, what the fuck?
It's crazy.
It's crazy, but.
It's also private.
So it's, you know, I'm dealing with it and I'm going to come out stronger.
I want to be a bad motherfucker after all this.
If I can get through this, I'll be able to handle fucking anything.
You know what I'm saying?
What's love y'all?